View From the Fairway

...and the beat goes on!

2010-06-11T21:30:00.001-04:00

Hello all and especially to my special friend, (you know who you are). I am sorry that I have not continued with blogging. Either writing or visiting all of your sites but it is all I can do to turn this stupid contraption on at the end of the day to deal with minor things. What turned out to be a minor annoyance, to me at least, has lead to something painfully more difficult to deal with. Not to mention a Doctor (ahem) whom I believe, is more concerned with his pending retirement to dealing with his patients.

Towards the end of last year, you may remember me complaining about an injury to my knee which I sustained while playing hockey. At the time, my “Doctor” informed me that I “may” have torn the ligaments to my outer knee. And, that there was nothing he could do for me at the time. I was told to ice it and stay off of it as much as possible. Which, as a good little soldier, I did. I think, because I have a high physical pain threshold, I thought I was moving my way through the injury. Not so. As the months passed, and the icing and Advil treatment increased, the inflammation has become worse. In the past 2 weeks alone, I have gone through almost 60 Extra Strength (400mg) Liqui-Gel Advil's. Lord knows what that is doing to my stomach.

I can no longer walk without the use of crutches and any weight on my leg or foot is excruciating. Needless to say, trying to get any sleep has been adventurous, to say the least. The swelling has moved down my leg to my ankle which just increases my discomfort. Earlier this week, yet another visit to my “Doctor”, and he, at long last, recommended that I go for X-Rays and that he would schedule an MRI. But, he said, “I'm not sure how far down the road that will be”. Thanks......for nothing, I thought. I could feel his eyes on me as I lumbered out of his office in extreme discomfort. Many thoughts come to mind at this time but nothing appropriate to write so, I will keep them to myself.

Needless to say, life is not all about me however and so it goes. I have quickly become aware that the lives of a few of our Blog friends have been touched with the loss of loved ones including the loss of one our own, Renee. Perhaps, in the back of my mind and in my heart, there were indeed some inevitabilities that I knew were going to pass. And yet, these are the things that are so far out of our grasp that it is all we can do to hold onto today. Funny, how as I sit here a moment and think of such things, that my pain appears to be temporarily bearable. Life........go figure.

I must say this however, much to my surprise. When I logged on to blogger for the first time since the Christmas Holidays, I was half expecting those who had signed on as followers would have long vacated this sorry site. But lo and behold, there you all were (are), exactly as I left so long ago. Hmmm! Perhaps you are wondering what possessed me to, after all of this time, to log back in and to post something so innocuous. Well, the truth is, I have not bothered to check my email account for this site either for obvious reasons. But tonight, more out of curiosity and distraction, I punched the 'ON' button just to see if this dinosaur would roar back to life. It did and a part of me did as well. Especially when I read some of the accumulated back mail that had accumulated.

I hope at this time that you can all bear with me and understand that it was without malice or intent that I walked away for awhile. Perhaps it was the wish of a Higher Power that possessed me to hit the 'ON' button tonight and get back into life. For a few minutes at least, I was able to forget the constant throbbing and realized that the beat goes on. Take care people.

Goodbye 2009......Hello 2010

2009-12-31T20:29:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm ringing out the old year somewhat under the weather. My nose is running like Niagara Falls. I have a concussion from the sneezing. My body aches all over, my head is pounding and even my eyes hurt! This was not exactly how I wanted to spend my time off. Nor is it the way I would like to be ringing in the New Year. Oh well; such is life. All I can hope for is that this is not an omen of things to come in 2010. Needless to say, seeing 2009 fall by the wayside won't be that hard to do. Not that it was a difficult year, (I've had worse), but, when evaluating the past 365 days, I can see room for improvement.

From a health standpoint, now that I have hit the big Five-O, I have to pay closer attention to my diet. Diet meaning more along the lines of what and how much I am eating as opposed to going on a diet. Diet's are good for some, I suppose, but if you want to constantly fail, I wouldn't recommend it. Especially for me. For one, I like to cook. And two, I like to eat what I cook. Part of the problem this past year has been injuries to my old body which has slowed my recovery period. I usually play sports all year long. Pick a season and I will tell you the sport. And this past year, I have added bike trekking to the list. And when I am injured and can't get out there doing what keeps the flab off, well let's just say, it ain't pretty. When I look down at my feet, I can still see my toes........barely. I'm still a couple of weeks away from my knee injury to completely heal and then, with any luck, I can get back out and play the rest of my hockey season. Fingers crossed!

Another way I wanted to make a change for 2010 was in donating to worthy causes. One in my backyard and one in somebody else's.....so to speak. On Christmas morning, while sitting back having my coffee, there was a program put on by The Hospital for Sick Children Foundation. With every gut-wrenching story, my heart went on a roller coaster ride which did not always end happily. To say that I had leaky eyes would have been an understatement extraordinaire. Recognizing that every little bit helps, I made a monthly pledge that, based on what I heard, would help to generate enough money to continue to further the research in children's illnesses and find the cures or at best, assist in the treatment. I have no doubt that if you saw the little one's that I saw, your heart would melt too!

Now, earlier this year while I was getting ready for work, I was watching one of those Breakfast Television shows that we all have. My favourite is Breakfast Television which broadcasts out of Toronto. The upbeat atmosphere of this particular morning crew always ensures that I leave for work in good spirits. Earlier this year, Jennifer Valentyne, who does the Live Eye segment of the show, traveled to Rwanda with The Courage Brothers and World Vision to witness some to the water projects that this group has devoted part of their life to. Tomorrow, at 2pm sharp, they will be conducting their Polar Bear Dip 2010. You can read up on it here. Needless to say, it is a chilly affair, well worth the cause and generates money for creating clean water for those communities that so desperately need it. This is one of the options that I am thinking about.

A second option is to sponsor a child from one of these countries in need. Hopefully, whereby the money is more focused on the individual child. Decisions, decisions.

Okay, before I go any further, I need to say this. As a general and personal rule when it comes to charities and donations, I never and I mean ever divulge any of my actions or intentions. The reason being is that I think broadcasting it takes away a certain part of the action itself. To me it should be selfless and humble. But I think, once in a Blue Moon, if you tell people what you are doing, it may generate some action within them as well. If possible that is. Dropping money into somebody's hand is a different matter because to me, it helps an individual with a face immediately. What they choose to do with that money, I have no control over. Money handed over to the likes of World Vision where they seek out the best possible way to spend and distribute that money well, I will leave that up to their expertise. Personally, I used to hate such organizations because the feedback coming back was that executives were lining their pockets with the donations. Or, that corruption within those countries in need was always front page news and didn't seem worthy. Now my thoughts have changed based on the hands on actions such as The Courage Brothers and Jennifer Valentyne.

I took a bit of a pause here because I did make up my mind and chose to do both. Tomorrow, I will donate to the Polar Bear Dip. I'm not that brave (or stupid) to plunge into freezing cold water (not intentionally at any rate). Let's face it, my heart would probably stop. What I did just finish doing was to sponsor a child. Her name is Fatimata, she is six years old and comes from Mauritania. I'm supposed to receive an information package withing the next couple of weeks and will post more information and possibly a photo of her. I know you will love her. She's a cutie.

So, where am I going with all of this. A new year is upon us. Everyday we have our own personal struggles that life tries to trip us up with. But, compared to some others, we live a life that is fairly safe and somewhat secure. It's pretty safe to say that we do not expect to be overrun by a bunch of fanatics hellbent on trying to murder us in your sleep. And it's also pretty safe to say that if you are thirsty, all you have to do is to turn the tap on in your kitchen and fill a glass of fresh clean water without any side effects. For literally the price of a coffee a day, we as individuals, can make quite a difference in a child's life either in our own backyard or the backyard of one of our World communities. Open up an atlas, close your eyes, and randomly pick spot and I am pretty sure that somebody there could use your help. On the World Vision web page I was on, there were another 2011 names waiting for a heart like yours.

So, as I sniffle my way out of this year, I would like to convey the very best wishes of a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year to all of my Blogger Friends and their families out there. I know that in some cases life has presented many obstacles for you. It tested your patience, your understanding, compassion and empathy. But you survived the year so don't lose focus on the pluses. Remember every time you needed to go to the well, “just one more time” and remember not just the journey but the experience. It may come in handy some time soon if not for yourself, then maybe for one of your neighbours.

I will leave you with this little poem by William Arthur Ward:

“Another fresh new year is here...
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest...
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to write some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”

Happy New Year Everybody

Christmas.....gone to the Dogs!

2009-12-28T13:33:00.010-05:00

In case you haven' t figured it out yet, I have a soft spot for a couple of little furballs by the name of Daisy and Jake whom I paid a little Christmas visit. This is Daisy's second Christmas and Jake's first. Jake is still a baby although he has kind of outgrown Daisy already. Needless to say, they provided me with a couple of happy memories when I watched them tackle their loot from Santa Paws! Daisy, with the better sniffer and a little more experience, led the way. Jake didn't seem to mind. Spoiled just a bit or what. But what they give back in love and affection is priceless. My friend is lucky to have these two and I don't mind making them happy too!

From my trip through Blogland, I know you all had your own very special Christmas memories and what memories they are. I just thought I would share a couple of mine with you all. Enjoy!

Well...can we open 'em up or you gonna make us suffer all day?

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Ya got enough tape on here bub?

Help me out here, will ya Jake.

That'a boy! Your not as dumb as you look!

Okay, okay I got it. You can go now!

See how easy that was.

Jackpot!

Tum de dum de dum! Snacks for my tummy tum tum!

We hit it big Jake! Not sure how that happened!

A regular Smorgasbord!

Did we both get the same?

Hey! A toy too!

Let's have some of these first.

Not done figurin' all this paper stuff yet.

Hey Daisy, whatcha got there?

No.....it's mine...had my name on it!

I need a little snoozer. Wake me in a few will ya?

Never mind...I'll (zzzzzzz) catch (zzzzzzz) ya later.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Oh Holy Night

2009-12-25T08:29:00.002-05:00

Joyeux Noël tout le monde! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T21:15:00.003-05:00

It's done! It's over! The hustle and bustle; the second guessing and the fine tuning of the menu. Now we can all sit back. Take it all in and enjoy the coming hours in whatever fashion that has become our tradition. That is, if you have not left anything to the bitter end, like gift wrapping for instance. And of course, right to the end, I was reminded of how fortunate of a life I have. In my final dash to pick up some last minute items, a solitary figure sat on the ice cold ground in front of a local shopping mall. He was rhythmically strumming his guitar to sheet music which lay in front of him and singing, with a very fine voice, Christmas Carols. In front of him, a red box to collect whatever offering passersby could spare. I went in the store and as quickly as possible, grabbed the last of my necessaries and exited along the outside of this man so I could intentionally pass in front of him. I stopped and dropped in some folding money alongside the cold coins that sat at the bottom of his box. I was rewarded with a wide toothed grin and a thank you. As I walked away, he continued to sing, in tune and with grace.

To me, this man was not begging. He was earning what little people paid to hear him sing, if only for a few brief moments. I'm quite pissed at myself right now because, although I did have the time, I did not stop to talk with this fellow. Yes, I may have dropped in some cash, but I could have been more charitable and found out what his story was instead of trying to guess while I journeyed home. On my way home, my brain ran crazy with questions as to what could this man, at this late moment be trying to accomplish that he was not able to do earlier. Or perhaps that was just me trying to appease myself for not stepping up to the plate. In my mind and in my heart, I have failed.

Now, as I sit and reflect of the things that I could have done, it does me no good. The moment was there, and I blew it. To me, the money that I dropped in his box, is meaningless. To this man, later on it may have been helpful toward whatever it was he was trying to accomplish. But I forgot a very valuable lesson. That this man , this fellow human being, was humbling himself at this special time of the year to make a little Christmas for himself and perhaps others in his life. I will never know. Although I never wish to ever have to encounter this kind of situation again, I know I will. Maybe there is hope that the next time, I will slow down a little and get it right.

And now, tonight as we get in our comfy's and settle in to enjoy the Christmastide with our families and friends, I do not want to forget my blogger friends out there. We all come from different backgrounds and celebrate Christmas in many ways. Some of us may have had to tighten our belts a little and be grateful for our circumstances such as they are. In true Christmas Spirit, we provide merriment regardless of those circumstances and have the memories in our hearts and photo albums as proof. Tonight I am taking this time to write this little blurb as not only a reminder to myself for my earlier transgression, but also to remember all of you.

From Mr. Beaks, Mr. Belvedere, (my Budgie boys) and myself, we would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May you all enjoy a safe and happy holiday season filled with many happy and treasured memories. Wherever you are and whatever your traditions. Keep the Spirit of Christmas forever in your hearts and remember this, “There, but for the Grace of God, go I”

The Christmas Book and The Ballad of Befana

2009-12-20T19:14:00.004-05:00

Well, the days are tumbling off of the calendar faster than the rising anticipation in a child's eyes. Crowds still are hurrying and scurrying trying to get in the last of their shopping done. Most everything I needed to do at this point, is done. Save for the food items which I will get in the next couple of days. The shopping malls, as far as I was concerned, did not appear as chaotic as I had expected. Either people are a little more organized with their shopping or have scaled it down some. I did hear some crying though and saw a few rivers of tears flowing. Some of it was even coming from children. But all in all, I didn't think it was that bad. Maybe I'm just looking only for the good.

About an hour or so ago, I did go out and be a kid for a little while. Sorry no pics....forgot my camera but I will take some next time. Anyways, in the city where I live, we have a skating rink in front of our City Hall. So, our neighbouring city decided that they too, wanted to do something similar for their fair citizens. I live right on the cusp of the two, so I get to share in everything. They installed it in front of one of the shopping plazas and today was the “Grand Opening” for the rink. Needless to say, I needed to get out and give it a spin, wonky knee and all. It was fun just to skate around weaving in and out of the parents holding onto their children as well as some of the adults who were just learning how to skate. Let's just say that there were a few snowy bottoms. I didn't want to overdo it because I want to get back to hockey in the coming year but, I still had fun. There is just something captivating about a crowd of smiling happy faces enjoying the winter this close to Christmas.

Anyways, as of noon on Christmas Eve, I will be off of work until the New Year and I am looking forward to that break more than I thought I would. It's been a busy year with a lot of change and now I can take some much needed time to rest and reflect. My plan is to not try and visit everybody in one day. Santa, it seems has that job pretty well covered so I will leave that miracle to him. I plan on spreading it out a bit, stretching it out as long as I can. Less stress that way I figure. I'm guessing that many of you are in the same boat and are just trying to survive the next few days before enjoying your time with family and friends. Just take it easy and enjoy the time. There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas at least not counting the first one. And with that, I will leave you with this poem that I dug out of my favourite Christmas book called, appropriately enough, 'The Book of Christmas'. The title of the poem is , 'The Ballad of Befana (An Epiphany Legend)' and was written by Phyllis McGinley. Enjoy!

The Ballad of Befana
(An Epiphany Legend)

Befana the Housewife, scrubbing her pane,
Saw three old sages ride down the lane,
Saw three gray travelers pass her door -
Gaspar, Balthazar, Melchior.

"Where journey you, sirs?" she asked of them.
Balthazar answered, "To Bethlehem,

For we have news of a marvelous thing.
Born in a stable is Christ the King."

"Give Him my welcome!"
Then Gaspar smiled,
"Come with us, mistress, to greet the Child."

"Oh, happily, happily would I fare,
Were my dusting through and I'd polished the stair."

Old Melchior leaned on his saddle horn.
"Then send but a gift to the small Newborn."

"Oh, gladly, gladly I'd send Him one,
Were the hearthstone swept and my weaving done.

"As soon as ever I've baked my bread,
I'll fetch Him a pillow for His head,
And a coverlet too," Befana said.

"When the rooms are aired and the linen dry,
I'll look at the Babe."
But the Three rode by.

She worked for a day and a night and a day,
Then, gifts in her hands, took up her way.
But she never could find where the Christ Child lay.

And still she wanders at Christmastide,
Houseless, whose house was all her pride,

Whose heart was tardy, whose gifts were late;
Wanders, and knocks at every gate,
Crying, "Good people, the bells begin!
Put off your toiling and let love in."

Winter Where I Live

2009-12-16T17:55:00.003-05:00

Well, as you will see, winter is here even before it officially starts. On the week end, before the rains made things a bit of a mess, I had an opportunity to walk around one of our local parks. Earlier this summer, this was the same sight of our Rib n'Beer fest and our Multi-Cultural Event. Back then, crowds of people covered this particular area, basking in the blue skies and sunshine. As you will see, it is now covered mostly by snow but the sun was still shining. Fortunately, yes, I said fortunately, more snow came along to "clean" things up a bit. Consider it a little bit of a Winter Maintenance Program in preparation for the visit of St. Nick himself. It just kinda makes it easier for him to land his sleigh. Sandy beaches kinda dulls out the runners....if you know what I mean! I took the night pics last evening as the snow fell, silently blanketing the neighbourhood. However, the festive lights put quite a sparkle on the area. So, to my friends Down Under and to those whose back yards resemble more sand dune than snow hill, here is the pleasantry that I get to enjoy at this time of the year. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Enjoy!!!

More Christmas Fun

2009-12-13T20:29:00.005-05:00

Nancy of LIFE IN THE SECOND HALF, has invited us to all have a little Christmas fun. She joined in the fun via the Good Cook's blog and so it goes... So if you would like to play along, please do. Here are the instructions:

If you're reading this post, then you must:

(a) leave a comment and answer the below 25 questions that Mandy made up,

(b) write the answers to the questions below in your own blog post, if you have a blog, that is.

or (c) call yourself a scrooge in the comment below and refuse to answer them.

I hope you choose (A) or (B) but if you choose (C) then I'll just let the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future deal with you. If you do decide to write your own blog post about it, please mention Mandy since she is the author of these important questions. (Writers credit and all that jazz - thanks!)

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
The Bishop's Wife (with Carey Grant, Loretta Young and David Niven)

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
The Santa Claus 2

(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
The Kid by Clint Black

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
Blue Christmas by anybody!

(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink? (i.e. egg nog, hot chocolate)
Hot Apple Cider with Cranberry and Cinnamon.

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Christmas as a child with my mother.

(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
See #6

(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
No such thing.

(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
Watching the kids, anybody's kids, meeting Santa in the malls.

(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
Hearing people say, “I want.....”.

(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
Angel.

(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
Beef Wellington for two!

(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
Duh!

(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
Love them! Well worth wasting gas to see.

(15) Santa's at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
It all depends on how “into it” the person is getting. If he can engage the kids, all the better.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
Yes. Where I used to work, I would personally deliver them along with a Candy Cane.

(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
Still seeing the magic in the eyes of some of the seniors. There is an uncanny glow about them when you talk to them about Christmas.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
Those who forget that it isn't all about Santa.

(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
Depends on how busy I am but it does come down the first week of the new year.

(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
First I need a 'True Love'.

(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
Too much spiked Egg Nog!

(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
Rudolph naturally. I didn't see any other reindeer with their name in lights.

(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Duh!

(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
A simmering pot of Cinnamon and Cloves.

(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
Just knowing that I have made somebody's day. Anybody really.

Christmas Bug Bites

2009-12-09T21:47:00.005-05:00

Well, I've just been sittin' around kinda sorta pleased with myself as I look at a few of the Christmas packages resting at my feet. Up until last weekend, I had yet to be bitten by the Christmas bug. Not deeply at any rate. A couple of Saturdays ago, I had time to kill while waiting to see a friend of mine performing in a Christmas show in Burlington. So I decided to do an errand at the city mall where I just so happened to turn in. My first thought, as I heard the first strains of Christmas music filtering through the speakers strategically placed throughout the mall, was of feeling sorry for the many clerks having to hear 'that Christmas' music day in and day out. Bah Humbug, I thought momentarily. Who am I to talk? I actually have a collection of around 20+ Christmas CD's and realized I should just shut those stupid thoughts. After all, I was on my way to listen to some of those Carols later that evening.

I quietly shuffled around the mall looking at all of the displays in the windows, taking in the colorful and sparkling decorations and inhaled the unmistakable smell of gingerbread cookies. Off in the distance I could hear the rhythmic jingling of a bell and the muffled but distinct sound of somebody's jolly Ho Ho Ho's. Stopping briefly to get a cuppa, I then walked around the corner and came smack dab into an endless line up of children anxiously waiting their turn to have a chat with the jolly ol' elf. That was when I could feel the first nibbling at my butt. As I walked around the display where they had Santa holding court, I smiled as I saw on the back of the shack the feed buckets of Mr. Claus' Reindeer. One each with their names proudly displayed, there was Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course one for Rudolph. A lot of creativity went into that particular setting, I thought with a grin.

The parents couldn't take enough pictures as they patiently posed their children all around the display. Naturally, this put a smile in my heart as I began looking a little more seriously at some of the merchandise and began making a mental list. It didn't take me long as began picking up this and that and realized that maybe the bite went a little deeper than I had originally thought.

Tonight as I began typing my thoughts, I dug out the buried Christmas CD collection and popped one in. I have many favorites and not just the usual round of suspects. The first compilation I stuck in was an old collection of Country Christmas Classics which includes Let it Snow by Lorrie Morgan, The Kid by Clint Black and Christmas in Dixie by Alabama. But, I have to say, one of my all time favourite Christmas songs is one by Clint Black called Slow as Christmas. (Sorry I couldn't find a clip to include here but I will include the lyrics.) To me, the lyrics kind of epitomizes the agony a child goes through in the weeks leading up to Christmas fearful of missing it. But as an adult, I look at this and think how precious little time we have to actually sit back and enjoy it.

If we aren't busy working, we are out fighting in the malls. Planning and scheduling this and that. Taking care of family matters which appear to become exacerbated at this time of the year. There are just so many things our brains are capable of juggling. And now, more than any other time of the year, people become more aware of the stresses which surround them. Not just their own but by those who are close to them as well. Every nerve ending appears to become that much more sensitive triggering uncontrollable emotions. Our inner strength, which generally motivates us throughout the year, seems to fail some of us as the Festive Season draws closer. Scar tissues seems to suddenly become a little more tender. Old memories which were safely tucked away at other parts of the year, suddenly and painfully are brought to mind, yet again. There is nothing we can really do about that. It happens.

What we can do is to keep in mind that we have the capacity to create new, fresher and longer lasting memories. Memories worth remembering don't just create themselves. Every day something special happens either around us or because of us. We should be at the forefront ensuring that what we do today becomes somebody's memory tomorrow. Christmas is not just a day......it's a Season. And a very special season. There is the religious aspect of the season, which of course, we should never forget. Generated by the humble beginnings of the Christ Child. Then there is the Christmas as seen through the eyes of a child. And seeing as how we are all God's children, I don't see the harm in trying to be one, for just a little while.

What is the harm in forgetting that you are an adult for a few moments at a time. Life is short......precious......but short. If you don't have fond memories of Christmas as a child, create some. When the snow flies, build a snowman or a snow fort. Take the kids up a snow covered hill and fly down on a toboggan with them. If somebody you know would never expect you to wing'em with a snowball, fall behind them and gather some in your mittens. And then, when the time presents itself, (insert mischievous grin and giggle here), let 'em have it! I guarantee that you will get a reaction.........and a memory. As the cold north winds blow and the snows begin to fall, bundle everybody up and take a stroll in your neighbourhood. Enjoy the many brightly decorated houses which are normally just a passing blur as you are rushing to get home from somewhere.

Not everything has to have an adult theme to it. Like cocktail parties and adult only dinners where alcohol and sob stories abound. Invite your friends over but have them bring their skates with them. Go skating on the ice in front of City Hall. (Okay, I'm lucky. This year I will have two to choose from). Have a festive pot luck afterwards and watch Christmas movies or a Christmas Carol sing along. These things cost but a pittance when you think of the priceless memories you will get in return. And take pictures.........lot's of pictures. These will add to future celebrations.

As I said somewhere up above. I was just sitting around, kinda sorta pleased with myself. Knowing that I have already put into gear, memories that I know have not happened yet, but will. My heart has swelled up just a little bit more today and that's okay. I will just eat a few more hor d'oeuvres and make some room. As the upcoming days tumble off the calendar and we get a little closer to Christmas Day itself, take time for an occasional pause. When somebody wishes you a Merry Christmas, don't just say, “you too”. Look them in the eyes and say it from your heart. When somebody offers you their hand, hold it a little tighter. And when somebody gives you a hug, hold them a little longer. Remember, todays treasures are tomorrow's memories. Enjoy the Christmas Season and as Tiny Tim would say, “God Bless us.....everyone.”

Slow As Christmas

(Clint Black/Hayden Nicholas)

(Chorus)
You're as slow as Christmas, I was up before the dawn
Up so fast I missed it or was that old saying wrong
Every Christmas day makes every other day seem long
what seemed would never get here
Has so quickly come and gone

(Verse one)
I've heard old sayings, old cliches and
Most of them make sense
But we're wiser in our younger days not easily convinced
There's no way to look ahead with the wool over your eyes
And it seems that Santa's sled isn't the only thing that flies

(repeat chorus)

(Verse two)
We're bringing in another year let's throw that old one back
With my new train I'll be the engineer
And hurry down the track
While I know that time is standing still
I hear that old cliche
And I'm more convinced it does until......
that one December day

(Chorus two)

When I'm as slow as Christmas
I'll be up before the dawn
I'm not gonna miss this
I know that old saying's wrong
Every Christmas day makes other day seem long
what seemed would never get here
Has so quickly come and gone,
Come and gone.

...you be the Judge!

2009-12-01T22:00:00.005-05:00

As I begin my graceful aging process (cough, hack, choke), I realize how much more reflective I have become. And, how acutely aware I am of some of the crap that comes out of the mouths of some individuals. What I believe has happened in this particular growth stage of mine, is that I no longer find any of this mindless gutter tripe humorous any more. Not that I ever really did. I just basically ignored it, associating it with the brains that spawned it. Even as I sit here thinking about what is on my mind, I think about the hypocrisy behind my own thoughts. Here I am, knowingly thinking about the ignorance of certain people, but in a way, being just as ignorant. How can you really put an end to it?

Today I was in a meeting where a good chunk of the time was spent by some of these individuals making comments about, well, pick something and I'm sure they covered it. As our time for the meeting was coming towards a close and were waiting for somebody to return, one of those in attendance asked me what I thought about the meeting. And, as is known to happen from time to time, I said aloud what I was thinking. What I said was, “I think we would get a lot more accomplished if we spent less time taking peoples inventory.” Needless to say, it did not illicit any laughs. Not that I was looking for any.

But it did weigh heavy on my mind for the rest of the day. When you work in a small office environment, things between people are a lot tighter. Especially when you are a relative newbie, like me. Although I have been around some of these folk for many years, it has only been about a year since I have been kinda sorta full time around them. A couple of the people I work with are younger and I guess, you expect certain things from them. Except, these are educated people who should know better. At least I think they should. See what I mean... judgmental or what? But when I see them taking on the characteristics of older, set in their ways kind of people, it scares the hell out of me. The more they act this way, the more everybody believes it is the norm.

It kind of makes me wonder, “what gives them the right to make such comments about people they have never even met?” To even talk about people as though they have walked in their shoes. Hardly! To be honest, what gives any of us the right to talk about anybody as though we were so superior to them. I think some of the most courageous people I have ever met are the ones that say the least. They wear their skin on the outside and their pride on the inside. They are the ones that become oblivious to the ill spoken rantings of ignorance and yet feel more empathy towards those who spew such ignorant venom. Sometimes, you can tell who they are. They are the people who smile at you with their eyes and hide the pain in their hearts.

I have heard things said of clients, colleagues and people who actually pay our bills. The things said and sometimes, the violence in which it is stated, even in jest, is a scary testament towards the society in which I now find myself living. How do we know that these people may have other things on their mind. Perhaps they are worrying about a loved one who is terminally ill. Or perhaps they are even ill themselves and are going through their own personal nightmares. When I sit back and reflect upon what I witness, I wonder if these individuals are just projecting their own insecurities upon those who don't even know they are being maligned. I guess to them, it is easier to cast the first stone. Maybe they should be worrying about why their own reflections are covered in muck so foul that they can no longer see the stairway to their souls.

In a few short weeks, we will be celebrating yet another Christmas, each in our own special way. Some of us will be fighting crowds of people looking for that must have gift for that special someone. Our tempers may be a tad on the short end and our thoughts may not exactly be reflective of the season. We may be fighting a mild illness as we become drawn into close quarters with thousands of others out there looking out for their own interests. I figure, if we give those around us the benefit of the doubt, perhaps too, they may be charitable with us as well. As I think about all that I have witnessed and basically ignored for so long, I wonder which of us is the worst example to our neighbour. Those who find it necessary to speak ill of them, or me, for not being courageous enough to stand up for those who are not there to represent themselves. I'll tell ya' what....you be the Judge!

Impact

2009-11-25T20:30:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I dream and think of weird things. Such as whether we, as individuals, give much thought to our existence? You know, being born, growing up and growing old. The trials and tribulations and all of the unexpected detours that life brings to us – both good and bad. All of the people we have met and interacted with throughout that lifetime, even if for only a moment. All of the things we have done. The conversations held and secrets kept.....and revealed. Our broken hearts, skinned knees, dreams realized and lost.

It would amount to quite a number of memories I would imagine. Our lives touch so many people in so many ways, the odds of being able to calculate to what extent would appear to be unimaginable. Because we are too busy doing and living, we probably don't give much thought about the kind of impact it would have on others if we were not here. If we were never born. I'm sure that there have been some who have felt as though it would have been better if they were never born. Or that life is so filled with misery that there no longer seems to be a purpose to it and want to opt out. Some people would think that to be selfish thinking perhaps, but when living becomes more torturous than the alternative, I can only imagine the agony that person must be feeling.

So, what kind of impact do you think you have had on the people in your life? Have you ever wondered how different things would be for those around you if you did not exist, overlooking the importance of your being. Give it a little think. Look at a group photograph of yourself with friends and/or family and remember the occasion. Now, try to remove yourself from that picture and think about your contribution at the time of that memory. How would your not being there have altered the events of the day? Did you not put a smile on somebody's face that day or make them laugh? Did you not give somebody a hug or a kiss and share in their joy?

How many times did you find yourself in a line up somewhere with an elderly person who was waiting in line with you and you struck up a conversation with them? Do you not think those few minutes of conversation with them may have made their day? Or, has your phone ever rang frantically and there was a loved one desperate for your attention right then and there. Who would have been there if not for you? And now, what if you are responsible for young ones whose lives depend on you so much. Take yourself out of that picture mentally for a moment. Think about how their future would or could be so different from what it is now if you were not there for them. Not here to love them and guide them and nurture them. How important do you think your existence is now?

Life throws us curve balls. Always has, always will. Then we get up and carry on. Maybe a little battered and bruised, a bit slower but always a little more wiser. Life can also be easier when we live with our hearts on our sleeve. And we never fail to rejoice in those special moments when they present themselves to us. But, when we live with our hearts in our back pocket and forget to acknowledge our own humanness and our own existence, I think we do ourselves an injustice. For as many people there are out there who we believe we could never live without, they too believe they could never live without you too! We never fail to be grateful for those who enter our lives and leave a mark in our hearts. But let us never forget that we also can leave an impact on theirs.

Givin' Back

2009-11-18T00:13:00.005-05:00

In the past, I may have mentioned that Monday's are usually my longest day of the week. And, there is a very good reason for that. You see, every Monday evening, I commit a couple of hours of my time to a community outreach program where individuals, who have a need to talk, come to do so. Freely and of their own free will. But usually, with a lot of trepidation, fear and anxiety. They are looking for somebody, anybody really, to listen to them in the hopes that they may find some kind of release or understanding of the inner demons that possess and haunt them. Most of the time, they have this sad belief that they did something to deserve the kind of misery they find themselves in. And usually, when I hear those words, it kind of puts a stranglehold on my heart. Fortunately, I'm a listener. Not a bad one, if I do say so myself. It gives me an opportunity to let these people map out where it is they want to go. If anything, I just try to be a navigator.

I learned a long time ago, in order to be a good listener, you have to take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth. Too many times, when I needed somebody to listen to me, they usually overwhelmed me with a desire to share their own life's journey. Thus, shutting me down and making me feel discounted. I figure, it takes a lot of courage for these people to recognize that they have something that they need to unburden themselves of. How long will it take for them to find that courage again if I prematurely open my yap? Experience tells me that if I jump in too soon, then the doors close. So, I wait. Patiently. I wait for them to come to what they think is an end to where they thought they were going. And then, because I listened, I would ask them a question that would push them a little further. And a little further. Maybe it was because I remembered what it was like to be sitting where they were sitting.

Last night was no different from any other Monday night. One by one they would kind of try and sneak in and blend themselves with the walls. Trying to decide whether this was the night they attempted to find somebody who could offer them a little salvation from their, often times, self imposed torment. Actually, to be honest, I am usually the one who tries to blend in with the scenery, if only because I am actually shy by nature. The one area of my life where I do not find that to be a hindrance, is on the sports field. But that is only because of my competitive nature. They sort of have an ongoing battle behind the scenes. Anyhow, that is another discussion for another time. Last night, I guess, I found myself in the right place at the right time for somebody who was aching to break free. Wearing an ID card is a dead giveaway that you are there to help. And so, when this young person came forward, accompanied by an older gentlemen about my age, I extended my hand and invited them to sit down.

Actually, I remember having seen this young woman here before. Months earlier and looking just as lost. She told me her name and introduced me to her uncle, who was visiting from out of town and was there to support her. There was no mistaking their heritage. Native Canadians. I guess I use the term Canadian too liberally but I hope you understand. Her hair was the darkest black I have ever seen and her skin held not a single crease. Her eyes too, were as black as coal, but were as empty as though the owner had vacated them for destinations unknown. Her pain enveloped her like a halo. It was so obvious. I introduced myself and said, “So, where do you want to go?”

Within minutes, she became comfortable and supported by the embrace of her uncle, spewed forth some of the venom that had long ago poisoned her blood. Even though tears freed themselves in a steady stream, she remained strong in her desire to do battle with the shadows. A good sign, I thought. When she spoke, there was no mistaking the pride she felt for herself. These are the things I look for in order to help propel somebody forward. Look for the inner strengths. She spoke freely of the things that, she felt, made her weak. Weaknesses that were handed down to her from past generations. Her uncle continued to support her encouraging her to speak. One of the things that I remember her saying was that though, she succumbed to weakness after a period of time, that she did not want to feel as though she failed. That she was worth something and wanted to continue but needed help.

This is where I bit my tongue in order to staunch the tears that were now welling up inside of my own eyes. But I couldn't. I hesitated. Just enough. But it seemed as though that hesitation was enough for her to understand, that I understood. I spoke briefly. Explaining what it is like to feel as though you were a block of ice.......melting......to the point that you have been touched by your inner child. And now, you have to re-acquaint yourself with that inner child, discarding notions of who abandoned whom. To embrace the fear of walking down endless corridors of doorways that must be opened and explored. Separating fact from fiction and coming to grips with the reality that none of this was your own doing. You were just a by-product of somebody else's collapse. There was an acknowledgement in her eyes that made me believe that she understood what needed to be done.

Before we knew it, time was coming to an end. I had to meet with the others to discuss something about finances etc. and was preparing to say my good-byes. As I headed to the back room, they followed me, seemingly reluctant to end this little tète à tète. There appeared to be some life in those dark eyes that did not exist earlier. Letting them know that there would be future opportunity's to talk, I offered them some literature to help them find other community options should it become necessary. They both thanked me for my help for which I told them that they did more for me than I did for them. We hugged and said our good byes. I felt good, elated and hopeful. That this young person would find the courage to continue to find the answers to her struggles and forge ahead to make a life for herself. Life is funny. You shut up and listen long enough, you find out that life is not as bad as we think it is. Ya just have to look in the mirror of somebody else's soul.

Help.......!

2009-11-13T22:59:00.003-05:00

(Please, read this slow, as it was meant to be. If you are happy, this has nothing to do with your happiness. It has nothing to do with you on a personal level whatsoever.

Every once in a Blue Moon,

and we all know how rare of an occurrence that is,

I find myself walking under such a moon.

Blue!

As blue as I can ever remember it .

As happy, upbeat and carefree as I try to make my life out to be, now and again, I too, succumb to the effects of...........well...........'the blues'. Why? Does it matter? It happens. Earlier tonight, I found myself out walking under a cloudless, wondrous fall evening. Alone! Tonight, my heart and my soul, were feeling empty and..........yes..........LONELY. WAH! Actually, yes! I did cry. Don't ask me why. I just did! The tears fell. Freely! Copiously! And warm. Against my now fuzzy, wintry cheeks. What gives? Is it because I am reading and feeling the love out there amongst others of our tightly knit Blog Community who have or are sharing their heart with others. No matter how you personally feel, if you have the opportunity to share this evening with those you love....feel envied! At least by me. What you have is a gift, a treasure. Indeed, hard earned and harder to keep! Please....do not...... take it for granted....I know....I wouldn't. I couldn't. I never did.......and …....I never would!

The lyrics, of an old Beatles song kept filtering through my brain, as I continued to walk, stride after painful stride (torn knee cartilage will do that to you) but this, has nothing to do with feeling my feeling BLUE! Really, all that I am asking is that you …........

HELP!

Help
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed antibody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oooh.

As I, would help you!..........CHEERS!

Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon - Lest We Forget

2009-11-11T00:17:00.002-05:00

Next Wednesday, November 18, 2009, will be the sixty-fifth anniversary since my Grandfather, Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon lost his life. His name, is but one on a very long list of men and women who forfeited their lives so that we who remain, can enjoy the types of freedoms that we do every day. As a soldier, he was considerably older than most of those with whom he served. A family man, he left behind a wife and three daughters in order to perform his patriotic duty. This was at a time, I am pretty sure, when times were desperate for many people of that era. Personally, I know very little of the man other than the few minor stories told to me by my mother. My Grandmother, stoic as ever, refused to talk about his tragic loss. She, like many women of the day, just quietly accepted it and move on.

On Nov. 9, 1944, the 2nd Canadian Corps occupied the Nijmegen salient bridgehead in Holland and turned it into a winter base. Nine days later my Grandfather was killed and is now buried at the Groesbeek Canadian War Cemetery in Holland. The picture you see here of him, is the only picture that I have and that I am aware of. It is usually framed and sits beside another framed photo. That of my Grandmother. For whatever reason, I have always felt that my Grandfather has been like a Guardian Angel to me. I can't explain it. It is just a feeling that I get every once in awhile. I often wonder what difference his presence in my mothers life would have made for her. Not just her I suppose, but their whole family. As it is, we will never know.

Today, we here in Canada and other Commonwealth countries as well as the United States, will take a brief moment of our lives, to remember the many lives touched by the tragedy's of war. I will be remembering my Grandfather, Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon. Every single day that I have lived beyond my 39th birthday has been a blessing. Whether good or bad, those days are precious to me because they are days that my Grandfather would never know. So please, take the time today to remember the loved ones in your lives who too, have paid the ultimate sacrifice. A sacrifice which we should never, ever take for granted.

The Unexpected

2009-11-07T21:00:00.004-05:00

Earlier today, a Blogger friend from way back in April, when I started all of this drivel, Michelle of Crow's Feet, personally came by and dropped off this newly made award on my Blog-step. It is called the, 'Rain Bird Award', and it was created by Michelle herself. Michelle has decide to bestow this particular 'Award' to those who have found, “Peace under Pressure”. It is dedicated to “every person who has come through their own personal 'war' with...if not their dignity and sanity intact, then at least with compassion and humour.” There is a marvelous story that belongs with this and one well worth reading!

Personally, I believe in order to be able to achieve that, one must be able to walk through the burning coals of life and come through blistered, but not crippled. Bent, but broken. And, to be able to show compassion and empathy while maintaining a certain amount of gratitude and humility. Trying hard to believe that I fit all of this criteria, and although there were no direct instructions, I have decided to bestow this new, if not worthy Award, to the following people;

Michelle of, 'Truth As I Know It', for continuing to honestly, 'Talk the talk while walking the walk', not easy at the best of times.

Lori of, 'My Life Interrupted', for providing a safe and loving haven for two of God's children, when she could have said, “I did my tour”.

Natalie of, 'Musings From the Deep', for continuously treading water while the world around her, as she knows it, tries to pull her under.

Queen of, 'Queenofphrump', for shouldering the burden while maintaining a sincere hold on reality and keeping true to her roots.

Marnie of, 'One Slice At A Time', for her sardonic wit, while trying to maintain some semblance of dignity while keeping life as real as it needs to be.

Lori Ann of, Lorix5, for giving me a peek of what real Love can be, if you allow yourself to do so.

Of course, this Award was passed forward by me, without prejudice, and in no particular order. There is absolutely no requirement by you to do anything more. Wear it, share it, ignore it. I believe I have done what I felt was necessary to pass this forward. Feel free to do the same.

And thank you Michelle, for making me feel worthy!

Firm Foundations

2009-11-04T23:01:00.002-05:00

When you are thinking about purchasing a home, whether existing or brand new, what is one of the key things that you want a building inspector to investigate? The foundation....correct. Sure there are a lot of other details, but without a sound foundation, how long do you think it will last? A well-laid foundation is absolutely essential for a house. Of course, if you want it done right, you would hire a General-Contractor or perhaps an Engineer to ensure that it is done properly. (Well....most of the time.) Though it will cost a little more, but a strong and well-laid foundation is the best investment you can make. Using good quality material for your foundation, garage, driveway and sidewalks and steel for strengthening and holding things in place. Cracks formed due to the use of steel can always be fixed. Sounds simple enough... right?

But, what if we were to take these principles and relate them to the way we see our family. First, think about the family that you stemmed from. What kind of a foundation was beneath you when you were born? I know that at the time you didn't know any better, but what about now? What kind of thoughts do you have when you re-visit the threshold of your past? Was it sound? Stable? Dry? Did it have the strength to hold up the walls and the roof? To keep the outside out and the inside in. Or, was it weak, unstable and leaky? Were there cracks in the concrete patched here and there? Did the walls groan and the stairs creak beneath the weight of your tiny feet? Did you feel safe and comfortable or were you uncertain, unstable and frightened? Was a foundation template created that you felt safe to use when you went out to build for yourself? Or, did you think you needed to start from scratch?

Personally, my first foundation was built on quicksand. The building inspector of the day was definitely payed off to look the other way and it was only a matter of time before the concrete turned to dust. As a matter of fact, I'm not really sure it went beyond getting the forms set up before it was condemned. Then, you are suddenly moved into an existing dwelling. Cold, lifeless and stagnant. The foundation is established with no chance for an inspection or even a chance to get a second opinion. You are in it for the duration. Years later, you leave. Scratching your head befuddled, bewildered and unprepared. Uncertain where to start, you decide to throw caution to the wind and to start building from scratch. But time after time, the concrete recipe for the foundation fails. Always missing one ingredient or another. Stubborn pride, more than know how kept you from asking for the help to find the right combination of ingredients required. And now, the building plans are shelved, dust covered and incomplete. What went wrong?

Lately, I've been thinking about some of the close friends in my life and I have made this interesting observation. Almost every one of them came from relatively stable backgrounds. Better than 90% actually. A staggering percentage! To me at least. And amazingly enough, most have moved on to establish their own firm foundations with loved ones of their own. What gives? I watch the interaction between them and their parents and then between them and their children. And then it becomes painfully clear what ingredient has been missing from my recipe. Sometimes it hurts just to think how obvious it was I can't even bring myself to say it. But without it, you can be sure that all you are going to get out of it is a thick bucket of slurry which couldn't hold up the wind. It made me wonder how we became friends. How did I come to be in such company? It's a mystery I guess. Or is it? Perhaps my sub-conscious was hoping that whatever magic they had would rub off on me. No such luck.

Anyways, these were things that have been rumbling around in my head lately. And as you can tell, a lot more questions than answers. Now here in Blog Land, I feel a sense of belonging. A sense that there are others who's lives had a little bit of a journey to them. That they too, had to search for that elusive missing ingredient. From what I have seen, once they found it though, up went the forms, out came the mixer and a little bit of sweat equity. Toss in a pail full of tears, a shovel full of understanding and a few buckets of love et voilà! A new foundation. Stable, firm and one well worth passing on to the next generation. May we all find that missing ingredient.

Market Day

2009-11-01T21:06:00.009-05:00

Well, the weekend came blowing in and I do mean blowing! And with the dark cloud cover, the debate was on as to whether to go to market or watch for any uprooted trees flying in the gale force winds. Of course I went but very close to the end of the day. A good time for deals though as the vendors would only be around for another hour by the time I got there. I took a few snaps of some of the many locals selling their wares in between buying a few things I would need myself. I'm sure I will be back there soon to stock up on meat for the freezer. This is our St. Jacob's market and is located just on the crossroads of an ever expanding community. It is a very active market with the outdor vendors mostly selling fresh fruits and veggies.

Then there are two buildings. The main floor of the first building is filled with meat vendors of every kind. There are also tea shops, fresh baked goods, jams & jellies as well as every known preserve known to humankind. On one end of all of that are a few vendors selling fresh foods of all kinds. Good luck trying to get thru that without caving in to temptation. The upper floor of this building are for the various craft vendors. Candle makers, sewing, knitwear, artwork of every kind. Christmas is coming, may have to go back and check out a few items of interest. There is another building which I didn't make it into this go around. It contains the stock yards, furniture made from the local Mennonite community. Very good quality....with a price tag to match. Plus there are numerous other vendors selling all kinds of uh....stuff! All in all, not a bad way to spend some time. And so, what did you do on this Halloweeny week end?

No matter how cloudy it gets, if you wish hard enough,

you can always see a little bit of blue.
Cabbage! Hmmm maybe next week.

Don't think the Pineapple are local!

Did somebody mention Apples earlier this week?

Just one of our happy locals

wanting to get in on the action.

Looking for last minute deals!

Quite the Cornucopia of colour!

And not to be outdone...

even the peppers were getting into the act!

A little musical interlude.

Beef, chicken, pork, baked goods.

You name it.......they got it!

And if you are ready to some Christmas shopping,

they have plenty of shops for you to choose from.

Arts and Crafts of all kinds.

....and for those chilly nights that will soon be here!

Couldn't resist this purchase.

I think it is a thought shared by many.

And a little Homemade Pot Roast Dinner!

The Market fresh Roast is buried

by all the fresh veggies on top!

Now...who made dessert?

Autumn's Last Call

2009-10-29T23:13:00.003-04:00

The leaves are falling

one by one,

As we sadly say good-bye

to the warm summer sun.

Shorts and sandals are all

packed away;

And the clear blue skies

are now mostly grey.

Sunshine strolls

along the beach,

Like a distant memory

now out of reach.

Vast farmers fields

once fresh and green,

Have all been harvested

and picked quite clean.

Trees now stand empty

of the birds of song,

Now heading down south

on their sojourn so long.

Bushy tailed squirrels

busy as bees,

Storing their treasures

high up in the trees.

The evidence around us

is becoming quite clear,

As cold north winds blow

howling, that winter is near.

Gentle as Angels

the first snow will soon fall,

So get out there, enjoy it

before we all hear

Autumn's Last Call.

by Bogey

(G. De Rouin)

October 28, 2009 ©

By the Book?

2009-10-27T00:17:00.004-04:00

Now, before I begin, let me just say this; I'm not a parent, I never was a parent and odds are pretty good that I will never be a parent. Having said that however, I was, at one time in my life, on the other end of that. I was a kid. A child. And, as some of you may know, not raised by my parents but in a foster home. In that “home”, their word was the law. Go on either side of that and there were consequences to be paid. Which, of course, left a lasting impression on my psyche not to mention my backside. Love and nurturing were, well, non-existent. You made do and survived. So, my thoughts here are based more from a kid's perspective and as a witness to many of those people who have endeavored to become parents, either intentionally or accidentally. Good and bad and all that is in between.

From the beginning of time, or at least so far as the Bible goes, Adam and Eve, through love and desire became parents. And from my research, God did not hand them a 'Guide to Proper Parenting' book when the blessed event took place. It was up to them to figure things out on their own. And, from what we know about that episode, it didn't go too well, especially for Abel. But that did not stop them from continuing to have children and becoming parents again. They continued to move forward, to adapt, and to try better the next time. And there must have been a few next times otherwise, none of us would be here.

Most of the blogs I follow are written by women. Mothers really. And if I stop to try and count the collective number of children that these women have, it would probably be a pretty good one. And for all of the stories that I have read about them and their children, I cannot for the life of me recall any one of them quoting or paraphrasing a single line from a 'How To' book on how they raised their children. Or their children's children for that matter. They just did it. And the many success stories are pretty self evident amongst the group. That is not to say that they did not have their ups and downs. But, in their retelling the many anecdotes related to their children, somehow the down side no longer seemed as important. They just chalked it up to experience and moved on. Kind of like Adam and Eve.

When people decide to have children, for the most part, I believe, it is a conscious decision. It is not exactly like you are going to buy apples. Where you get to pick and choose the ones that are perfect and unblemished. If that were the case, the world would be filled with budding geniuses. No. We take the children just as they are because in a parents eyes, they are perfect and unblemished. And even if they are a little less than perfect in the worlds eyes, we love them just the same. Equally. Unconditionally. Or at least that's the way I think it should be.

A little over 5 years ago, a very good friend of mine told me that, after what seemed like an eternity, that she was pregnant. She and her husband had been trying to have children forever. Trying everything that was humanly possible. I was ecstatic for her. She was radiant and appeared to be walking amongst the clouds. After about six months or so, all of that came crashing down. The news was devastating. And the doctor, well let's just say he wasn't at his bedside best. The ultrasound showed that the baby had a severe heart abnormality. I don't remember the medical term but basically, the heart did not have four chambers as is usual in a heart.

The doctor gave her three choices. Option one, abort the child and try again. After they went through to get to this point, that option was out. Option two was to carry the baby to term and then just wait for it to die. And finally, option three was, have the child, surgically repair the damage as well as possible and hope for the best. Well, that was just over 5 years ago and the little guy is still providing all that love him many, many pleasurable memories. He is still not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination but they have persevered. At some point in his future he will be faced with a heart transplant. There is no getting away from that. In the meantime, we just love him, spoil him and treasure him. And I can reassure you that the bookstore did not have anything to cover how to be a parent during this episode.

Earlier today, the wife and daughter of a fellow co-worker came in for a brief visit. It is always fun to watch the interaction between father and daughter and always leaves me with mixed emotions. Happy for them but a little sad that I have not been able to enjoy that feeling. Anyways, later in the evening, after a meeting, my boss came over to me and we were discussing the little scene from earlier in the day and he was reminiscing back to his days of long. Not necessarily in the same manner but it did trigger something inside of him. This fellow in the office, I told my boss, had what I call a great foundation. Both he and his wife are two of the most grounded people I know. She gave up a promising career to become a mother and it looks damned good on her. Both of them actually. And again, you can bet damned sure that they were not raised by parents of Doctor Spock nor will their daughter or future children for that matter.

Why this little slam on parenting books you may be asking yourselves by now? Well, earlier today I read an article in the Globe and Mail called, 'Are your instincts about parenting wrong?' You can read it here for yourself. It is about a new book on the market titled, 'Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children'. It was written by U.S. Journalists Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson. To summarize, they “...boil down a decade of psychology, neurobiology and social-science research - and conclude that some of our most cherished ideas about child-rearing are based on outdated theories and flawed experiments.”

Great, that just means that the previous generations of parents got it all wrong. Bull crap! Now don't get me wrong, I am sure there may be the odd book out there that could probably help somebody dealing with a certain issue or two at any given time. But, how many parents want to sit there wondering whether they bought the right book for the right child. What if this book doesn't work for the second and fourth child but is okay for the third and the fifth? What if the book you read for your first child no longer applies; do you get to start all over again? Doubt it. Even I know that with each child comes it's own mysteries. It's own unknowns. Good and bad. Can you afford to be reading up on every opinion ever written about the proper child rearing techniques while your child is growing up behind your back? Or would you rather be playing with them, reading to them, teaching them, listening to them..........and …........Loving them?

Muskoka Getaway

2009-10-20T23:39:00.000-04:00

Autumn Fire

Little Miss Daisy

Snoop Dog

Sizing each other up!

Comfy cozy!

Just lounging.

Inhale

Nice scenery eh?

Blast from the past.

Check out the pink interior!

On the rocks!

Water power

White foam

Sigh!

Red, gold and green!

A little history

Pretty old rock eh?

On the road again.

A little serenity.

Hi! My name is Jake!

You...you lookin' at me?

Sleepy...getting sleepy...

A little tug o' war!

Two out of three...

Hey....wanna play?

'scuse me bub, but uh, this bowl 'pears to be empty!

What would you do if you had an opportunity to get away for the weekend, all by your lonesome, save for a couple of little white furballs – would you take it? Damn straight! Although the weather was somewhat less than co-operative, the colourful surroundings more than made up for anything that Mother Nature was prepared to throw at me. Not to mention the...SILENCE...was deafening . When things are so quiet you can hear a pin drop or the beating of your own heart. It was awesome. Mind you, the company wasn't so bad either. A friend of mine needed a doggie sitter for the weekend and asked if I minded. Duh! Nothing could more apropos. It's a bit of a lengthy drive, about 3 ½ hours, and it rained most of the way up making the journey feel longer than it was. Fortunately, I left work early so I could get to my destination before dark. Friday night was cool and damp and so warranted a fire. Care to join me.

Well, this is what I began to write about 3 weeks ago. Since then however, things took a bit of a dip. The first week I was busy which isn't so unusual at this time of the year. Business being what it is and all, you cater to who yells the loudest. And so it went. Then suddenly, out of the blue, my throat became incredibly sore making it most difficult to swallow. By the middle of the night I came down with a fever accompanied by a mind numbing headache. Then began a close and personal relationship, worshiping the porcelain goddess for the next six days and nights. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed. Especially when, I am sure it could have prevented. It started at the office, innocently enough, with certain individuals showing up to work sneezing and hacking carelessly spreading germs around.

Well, needless to say, it has systematically claimed victim after victim only prolonging the unwanted visit of this particular virus. The sniffling, coughing and sneezing throughout the office sounds like a very bad and out of sync musical band. You would think with all of medical warnings abounding us to frequently wash our hands or to cover up when sneezing and/or coughing. Not to mention keeping our shared surfaces clean and disinfected. The one simple and basic requirement for not just our own health but our families, friends and co-workers as well is this.....JUST STAY AT HOME and get well. You may think it is some valiant and courageous thing you are doing in trying to become a martyr for the sake of your job. But believe me, all you are doing is making it worse. Not only that, but if others around you do as you do, then the likelihood of you getting sick again is pretty damned good.

Well now, where was I? Oh yeah! Getting away for a week end up in the great, not quite white, but red, gold and orange, north. I toured around the area enjoying the food, scenery and the company of a couple of very energetic little dogs by the name of Daisy and Jake. Jake, at the time was only 12 weeks old, if you can believe it, but was very much holding his own against his older 'sister'. Needless to say, they provided me with all of the entertainment I needed for the week end. The silence and the overcast weather made it very conducive for taking the odd nap or two. Which I did with very little fight. If I could, I would hide up there forever. There is just something so refreshing in letting nature surround you and stepping out and being a part of it. Very soon, I am afraid, the north wind will be blowing colder. The leaves will have lost all power to hold on and we will begin to see the first blankets of snow. (Insert deep sigh here!)

Well, needless to say, being off sick for those few days, things piled up again and now I am playing catch up. Oh well, this too shall pass. All around the neighbourhood are the early signs of Halloween. The stores are beginning to prepare for the upcoming Christmas season and the hours of daylight lessen on a daily basis. Oh where, oh where did the summer go. (Insert another deep sigh here.) Better stop daydreaming I guess and get back to the grind. Just one friendly little reminder to all though, if you are sick, don't be a hero. Stay home...please! Get well, for everybody's sake. I don't want to miss Christmas like I missed Thanksgiving!

Pocket Change

2009-09-30T22:45:00.004-04:00

Well, it's the end of another summer and the days are definitely getting considerably shorter, not to mention cooler. And although we are heading into my favourite season, “Sweater Weather”, I will miss the long, drawn out, sunny summer days. The trees are slowly shutting down, turning the bright greens of their leaves into the brilliant, vibrant hues of autumn. Mother Nature has cleansed her palette and has begun repainting anew the landscape - blessing us with a canvas of untold beauty. And, life as we know it, moves on. As the cooler weather begins to encroach upon us, instinct, it appears, wants us to move indoors. However, I am not quite ready for that just yet. Mind you, there are still a number of unfinished chores begging for my attention and reluctantly, I am tending to those as time permits. As for extra curricular activity, my Sunday night hockey group have already taken to the ice. There is just something unnatural walking into an arena carrying hockey gear while wearing shorts. Oh well! C'est la vie!

I know it has been awhile since I have last posted but there are times when personal responsibility's become the order of the day. And believe me, my days are indeed full. It was also quite necessary to enjoy some of the summer days that finally presented themselves to us. We did have quite a fair amount of wet weather this year and so, when the sun shone, I wanted to be under it. To say that I was able to enjoy some new experiences would be an understatement. Pedaling around the nearby countrysides and taking in the rolling landscapes of the many farmers' fields was not only breathtaking but therapeutic as well. It seemed, to me anyways, that when you drive the roads on a regular basis, that each scene blends itself into one and they tend to all look alike. But when you travel at a slower pace your eyes catch things that you would have normally missed.

Like a solitary figure tending to the crops out in the vastness of the green and gold fields while the midday sun beats down on him and his gently rolling tractor. There were many a farmer that put a smile on my face as they gave me a gentle wave while I rolled by. And now, their efforts of toiling under that hot sun have begun to pay off as the crops hit the week end markets. Corn, carrots, potatoes, beets – the shopping list is endless. Fresh, crisp and juicy apples along roadside kiosks not to mention the pies and other fresh baked goods at the numerous vendors. Jars and jars of fresh preserves and varieties of pickles too numerous to name. It's a great time of the year. For obvious reasons, our harvest season begins a lot earlier than those of our neighbours to the south. But I am sure, they too, have begun to enjoy the abundant cornucopia that the farmers sweat equity has produced.

Sadly, this is also the time of year when those less fortunate begin to find it more difficult to fend for themselves, trying desperately to make ends meet. You see them on street corners, parks or outside of grocery stores, begging for a little pocket change. These are not the type of people you would normally see begging for a handout to feed a craving or a fix. But people who are already on limited or fixed income foregoing pride in order to put some food in their stomachs. We are fast approaching the season of Thanksgiving when many of us have so much to be thankful for. Our health, a steady income, our friends and families. Not to mention the frills that go along with that. Sometimes it is to easy to take all that for granted I suppose. In our haste to get on with our days, we scarcely give these people a second glance. Sometimes stopping, most times rushing on to our next destination.

But, every once in awhile, something happens that stops me in my tracks. I was leaving the grocery store the other day when I heard a garbled voice muttering something I couldn't quite understand. When I turned to face the person to ask them to repeat themselves, I had to look down as there, seated in a wheelchair, was the remnants of a man who had seen far better days. His body twisted and crippled and his eyes, dark, sorrowful and desperate. Again, he slowly and quietly asked if I could spare some money so he could buy some food. Of course I obliged without any misgivings. These are the situations that always grab a strangle hold on my heart. I'm not sure what happens to me, shame perhaps. I become uneasy as I fumble through my pockets for my wallet. Digging out some cash to hand over to this man. There are times I wish I could do more. But at the same time, I wonder what has gone so wrong with our system that this particular man is forced to humble himself in order to feed himself. Without even knowing it, this man taught me a little about humility and a persons desire to survive. It's too bad life has to sacrifice some of these forgotten human beings to teach some of us what life is all about.

So, as Thanksgiving approaches for us here in Canada and later in the United States, remember those whose lives have had a little less joy in their hearts. Especially when you exit the store and see one of those lost souls, humbly mustering up the courage to ask for a little pocket change.

Blink

2009-08-29T13:05:00.003-04:00

As they say in our part of the world, you blink and before you know it, summer is over. And I, well, I took some time away to enjoy some of our short summer. Sure, there are still a few weeks left to enjoy some of the weather but lately it feels more like early Autumn rather than summer. For the most part we have had a lot of rain, a small stretch of wretched humidity and now some cooler windy weather accompanied by some very strong winds. For the most part, I walked away from technology and just enjoyed a little R & R. Doing nothing more than enjoy my surroundings and some quiet solitude. But now it is time to get back to the grind. And time to watch for the early signs as the leaves of the trees turn from vibrant greens to burnt oranges, golden yellows, and fiery reds. Sweater weather, I fear, will soon be upon us. No worries for me as it is my favourite time of the year.

In the meantime however, there is no sense wasting what is outside the doors. I have already planned another bicycle camping trip for next weekend and just hope the weather holds out long enough for me to enjoy that. Another hint at the changing seasons is an email that awaited my return, informing me that my hockey season starts in 2 weeks. Oh where, oh where does the time go. Last Sunday I quietly turned 50. Although the reality of it hit me as I contemplated my life, when I awoke that morning, I realized that it affected me not in the least. Oh sure, there are typical regrets etcetera, but the reality is, that I am still here and there is still more life yet to live. One thing that I do want to change though, is no more rushing around accomplishing nothing. These past months I have lived a little more for myself. Deliberate. Doing more of what I want to do or at least attempt.

I have said no to golf invitations (a first) and a few events planned by others. Instead, I have decided to be more conscious of my own time and where it goes. Too many times I find myself in the late hours of a Sunday evening wondering where the weekend went. Realizing that things I needed to do for myself remained undone. Either waiting for me during the week or postponed until the following week end. Although it is sometimes wise to have scheduled things to do. It is also nice to have a little more spontaneity mixed into the whirlwind we call life. One of my favourite things to do now is, to just get on my bike and ride. Something I rarely did until this summer. Since I have been keeping track, I have ridden over 1000km. The longest being 100km in a day. I'm sure this will help out as I go from cycling to lacing up my skates again.

Anyways, I am just rambling a little here trying to work out some of the numbness of both my brain and my fingertips. I am sure that there will be plenty of reading for me to do as I try to catch up in Blog Land. However, I'm also quite sure that some of you were also out enjoying some of your surroundings as well. And I am looking forward to finding out what you were all up to. While we here are beginning to feel the early signs of the North Winds bite, there are also others half way around the world waiting on their Spring thaw (so to speak). I must also check out our Community Calendar and see what goings on are out there for me to investigate. Well, I guess that is kinda sorta what I have been up to the past couple of weeks. And as I have had said, now I have to get my brain to cooperate with my body to get back into the swing of things. I sure do hope you all have been enjoying the summer and have found a little bit of Peace and Serenity. See you all soon!

Wide Open Spaces

2009-08-11T21:59:00.005-04:00

Needless to say, when I arrived at my destination I felt an unbelievable sense of accomplishment. The previous 5 hours evaporated as though they didn't even exist. It was barely noon and I had the rest of the afternoon ahead of me. I parked my bike along a fence and stood behind a van with a yappy dog, waiting my turn to check in. When I got to the window to check in, I gave the lady my name and she punched in my reservation. She then asked for my license plate number. When I told her that I didn't arrive by car but by bike, she just looked at me and said, “You're nuts”. I just smiled quietly. The lady then gave me a card with my campsite number on it. One for the post and one to show when I come in at the gate. Thanking her, I got back on my bike and headed toward the site. The first thing I came to was a long steep hill going down. Which was nice at the time but I knew that I would have to climb back up that hill a few more times. However, at that moment I didn't care.

I quickly found my site and began to unload my gear. My tent is a lot bigger than necessary for one person but I wasn't about to go buy a new one for this trip. It goes up fairly quickly; in about 20 minutes or so. I wasn't in too much of a hurry but I knew I needed to find town and get some provisions. A trip I knew I would have to make daily because I didn't have a cooler to keep the perishables from going bad. I improvised and made due with ice and one of my smaller back packs. Anyways, I was getting tired but knew what I had to do. I headed back up that steep hill and headed into town. Relying on my maps instead of asking directions, I tacked on a couple of extra clicks and a couple of extra unnecessary hills. Oh well.

My energy level was now fading as I headed into the prevailing westerly winds. I came to a cross roads and not knowing whether to turn left or right to find what I needed, I asked a passerby. He told me what I needed to know but not what I needed to hear. I had another 6-8 km to go. I had to get one more piece of equipment for my campsite if I wanted to eat and had to find a Canadian Tire. The campsite did not provide grills for your campfire but I knew where to get one. It would have to be left behind but it was worth the $14. I picked up everything I would need for the night. Including the all important coffee for breakfast. My saddle bags filled again, I headed back towards my temporary home for the next few nights. Before leaving for town, I stopped by the concession stand and asked them to deliver 5 bags of firewood for later. When they heard I made my journey by bike, they were very accommodating. For which I was grateful.

My site was backed by trees and so was fairly dark as the sun was setting behind me. I went into the woods, gathered up some kindling and set about getting a fire going to start dinner. I cut up some baking potatoes into chunks, added some butter and seasoning. Wrapped them in tin foil and set them on the grill. I made extras for home fried potatoes for breakfast. When the potatoes were near done, I seasoned up a couple of pork chops and cut up a couple of yellow zucchini to grill. I was famished and set about eating almost everything. After eating, I heated up some water and filled my collapsible “sink”, collapsible being the key word. Because, it was very difficult to keep it from collapsing. I tidied everything up and cleared away as much as I could.

The sun, having completely settled for the night, I took in my new surroundings. Heaping more wood on the fire, I set up a couple of bags of wood to use as stool and sat by the fire. It was only after 9pm but I was exhausted and could have fallen asleep standing up. When I arrived at my site, I met one of my neighbours briefly and said hello but could not really understand his response. I found out later that he was mostly deaf but could read lips and appeared to be stricken with cerebral palsy. His wife was completely deaf and they signed in order to communicate. Their son, who was about 8 years old was also able to communicate with his parents using sign language. What an interesting dynamic. By Sunday however, it appeared as though the wife returned home leaving her husband and son to fend for themselves.

The biggest pain in my backside, were the neighbours on the other side of me. They were a young group in their twenties. About 8 or 10 of them with the sole purpose of seeing how drunk they could get and how often. The first night they were told by the park security to shut it down a few times into the wee hours of the morning. The only thing that kept me sleeping that night was the comfortable exhaustion I felt. The rest of the week end was very difficult to get any quality sleep at all. They were not only loud but rude and vulgar as well. Especially with young kids parading around the sites.

The next morning I got up facing a sunny blue sky and was looking forward to a cup of coffee. I had one of those little portable stoves with the tin fuel and proceeded to get a pot of coffee to brewing. The problem was, it never get hot enough to boil the water in the pot forcing me to start a fire in the pit. Eventually I got the coffee pot to boil and enjoyed it immensely in the morning sun. Heating up my griddle on the wire rack, I then fried up some bacon, eggs and the leftover potatoes from the night before. I even had a couple of slices of toast to go with it. This was my morning ritual while I was there and well worth the effort.

The next couple of days, I rode into the town of Woodstock getting familiar with it and taking a couple of pictures here and there. Knowing the way around didn't make it seem all that long a ride once I got used to it. However, the back and forth trips and sight seeing did enable me to log another 60km while I was there. It was a nice little town and surprisingly not too busy. It had some great old buildings with some interesting architecture. A lot of the older homes were quite large as well. All in all, it was a nice town to visit and I was happy to be there.

The evenings were my favourite time of all. Sure you had mosquito's to contend with but what the hell. The skies were clear, the stars shone bright and the moon played peek-a-boo through the trees. I tried valiantly to get some pics of that but my camera just isn't up to that kind of shot taking. That may be just the gift I buy myself for my birthday. Anyways, in the evenings after eating and cleaning up the few dishes, I always made sure I had plenty of firewood to keep a roaring fire going. There was no sense in trying to sleep early, the group beside me made sure of that. They did however provide some half decent music. There was enough light to read by and just relax. It was in those brief moments of clarity that I was beginning to doubt whether the trip back would have been a wise move. I thought about calling a friend and asking to be picked up. But then, I thought to myself, you got yourself here, you will damned well get yourself back.

Before hitting the sack, I would take a quiet walk around the campground. Watching the flames from the many fires flickering against the dark sky and the hushed tones of quiet conversation. Some people were enjoying a quiet beverage while others were playing boardgames or cards by the light of their lanterns. Marshmallows and wienies on sticks abounded and I kind of wished I had a few to enjoy. Mind you, there were still those few who could not leave technology behind having brought every modern convenience you can think of. Imagine seeing satellite dishes at a campground. Sheesh! Talk about “roughing it”. Oh well...to each their own.

Sunday night was my last night. For dinner I made myself some skewered garlic shrimp with rice and a side Caesar Salad. Yummo! Again, I cozied myself up to the fire and just soaked in the atmosphere. I tried to stay up as long as I could hoping beyond hope that my neighbours would allow me at least one night's decent sleep. Didn't happen. Besides, I was now running through my mind what I would have to do in the morning if I were going to get back on the road at a decent hour. Needless to say, I tossed and turned all night. Sometime before 7am, I thought I could hear the crackling of a fire. I thought, “you have got to be kidding”? Without success, I could not put the sound out of my mind and finally succumbed to the inevitable. When I got out of my tent, there was my other neighbour standing by an early morning fire oblivious of the crackling sound it was making. “Oh well”, I thought. Might as well get packing.

There would be no big breakfast this morning. Just some juice water, a banana and a dry cereal bar. Slowly I packed everything I had with me leaving a couple of the things that I bought behind. The grill for instance and a couple of odds and sods that I was sure would be scavenged before too long. Another neighbour, who I had spoken to the night before, was amazed that I was able to pack away everything that I did. When I felt the weight of the backpack again, I just groaned quietly. After hooking up my saddlebags, I scanned everything at the site to ensure I left it as clean as possible. I then mounted my trusty “steed” and began the rolling uphill climb towards home. It was ten past ten in the morning.

When I got to the top and headed out the exit, I paused and waved goodbye to the lady at the front desk. She just shook her head and laughed. I could only imagine what she was thinking. The early part of the ride appeared quicker than I remembered it on the way up. When I cycled through the first town, I just felt more comfortable than I expected. This time the wind was a little more at my back and made the down hills all that much more enjoyable. I had decided on 10km segments before stopping for a rest but before I knew it, 20km had already rolled by. This time, I made the turn on the road that I wanted to travel on. At least part of the way anyways. I came to a small town called Bright where they make cheese and cheese products. It was somewhere around the halfway mark.

Leaning my bike against a post, I sat in the dry grass and had a drink. Recognizing the upcoming towns on the directions signs, I studied the maps to ensure I was heading in the right direction. I thought, something was wrong because the trip back appeared to be passing quickly. What I failed to mention was, that my hands were the ones that paid a bit of a price. Not only on the trip up but also on all of the previous practice rides. The amount of weight on my back and holding onto the handlebars, my hands lost some strength and three fingers on my left hand are kind of on the numb side. Hopefully, it is only minor and all will eventually return to normal. So, needless to say, I was trying to be very cautious and decided to go back to the 10 klick rule. I also stopped to get the circulation flowing properly before any hill that appeared to be long or steep. No sense being an idiot after all.

Before I knew it, I was in a town called New Hamburg. Only a hop skip and a jump from home. I stopped to take on more fluids, knocking back a bottle of Gatorade and water which I purchased at a local store. After stopping for about 10 minutes or so, I continued on my way. Up ahead in the distance, some guy was peddling his bike up a hill and did not see me coming. I caught up to him and passed him satisfied with myself at still having some energy. He caught up to me and we started talking for a bit as I asked him for directions back out of town. He couldn't believe I had just come all the way from Woodstock and this put a bit of a smile on my face. It would be the last one I would have for awhile. I said goodbye and heading back onto the road home. Little did I know that it was the beginning of the road that I had used as a practice run.

There were more hills than the Sahara desert. And just as hot. Stops and starts were more deliberate now but I also knew that my destination was getting closer. Soon enough, after a rather nice long down hill respite, I was at the crossroads of an intersection I recognized. Only 12km to go but still a few more treacherous hills to climb. When I finally got to my turn off, I knew I was home free. I knew every hill that remained but also knew were but mere ant hills in comparison. I was back into residential area and the klicks tumbled off.

Now for a little amusing stretch. I was coming down a rather steep hill when up ahead I spied a family out having a leisurely bicycle ride. Mommy in the rear, interspersed with the kids of various ages and sizes, (there were 3 or 4 of them) and way up ahead, of course, was “Big Daddy”. Well, more because of my momentum rather than my effort, I cruised on by Mommy and a couple of the wee ones. One of the little guys decides he wants to tag along with me and starts talking. He looks at my backpack, and says, “That looks awful heavy”. I assured him that it was. Then he says, “Are you having fun”? Not really, I admitted. But I smiled anyways. By then of course, I passed him and his daddy. But we were heading down another hill before the final uphill climb as I coasted on down and began peddling methodically back up the other side. Well lo and behold, here comes daddy like a bat out of hell racing up the hill around me as though it were a competition. Now, I wonder how successful he would have been if the roles were reversed. And, how stupid he would have felt if he couldn't even lift the backpack never mind carry it. Regardless, I watched with satisfaction as he got to the top of the hill and stopped, panting heavily, trying to catch his breath while waiting for the rest of his family.

The ultimate satisfaction was mine. My goal loomed a lot larger as I peddled my way through the cemetery. This was one stop I wouldn't be making any time soon. Yes, I made it. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling that I felt at that moment. It was one of the most gratifying things that I have ever done. It was something I thought of on the spur of the moment. Decided to give it a go and even with doubt lingering in the back of mind, accomplished it. Even with all of the extra little stops, I managed to get home in 3 hours and 50 minutes. And just in the knick of time. Within an hour of my getting home, the winds intensified and the clouds became as dark as coal. Then, the rains came the likes of which haven't been seen since Noah built his Ark. I was home. Safe and dry and could care less what went on outside my windows. That night, I slept like a well fed baby dreaming of the accomplishment and planning my next journey under the wide open spaces.

Over Hill, Over Dale...

2009-08-04T23:20:00.005-04:00

They say you never know what you can accomplish until you set your mind to it and just do it. Well, I set my mind to this little trip and I finished it. All I knew for certain was the general direction to where I was going and a rough distance in kilometers (around 60 give or take). I had no idea of what to expect on the roadways once I started or what I would have to endure to even get out of the city never mind the back roads of the country. In deciding what would be required on the trip, just in case, I almost drove myself nuts. I had a general check list of items I would need and made sure I had everything that I thought I would need. You know, essentials like tent, sleeping bag, cooking equipment etcetera. Then I added a couple of things that weren't on the list. Such as spare tubes for my tires and bicycle tools....just in case. I also came across a web page by a renowned bicycle camping and touring enthusiast, Ken Kifer, who basically lived and breathed this form of activity. Sadly, because of the web page I was on, I didn't find out until I came home yesterday afternoon, that Ken was killed by a drunk driver in September of 2003. Regardless, his website is still being cared for by a friend of his and is well worth checking out for both the stories he left behind and his guidance to other cycling/camping enthusiasts.

Most of the gear I would need I was able to fit into the panniers or saddle bags on my bike. The rest, clothing and other odds and sods were carried by me in my backpack. Without weighing it, I would have to say it weighed in excess of 50 pounds. (Will need to whittle that down some the next time.) Who the hell knew clothes for 4 days could weigh so much! I was hauling a 65 litre backpack full of everything else I thought I would need. Of course, not finding out until much later that I was forgetting one of the most important items of clothing. Can you guess what? You probably guessed right! I forgot underwear! Fortunately I was leaving with a clean pair on, just in case they found my carcass on the side of the road. At least I had that going for me.

I think I only slept about 3 hours while my brain began to do a mental check of everything that I still had to do. Getting out of bed around 5:30, I showered and got myself ready. I kept hefting the bags wondering whether the bike would be able to handle all of this stuff not to mention carry my hefty backside. Would I be able to strap on that backpack and endure the weight of it? That was when I said a little prayer to God asking Him for strength and also for calm winds and a relatively flat ride. Well, one out of three wasn't bad. The sun was beginning to peak over the trees and I began to get nervous. I wanted to be on my way by 7am so I could try and avoid the early morning traffic along some of the roadways leading out of town.

It was actually 7:10am when I left and of course the very first hill was at the end of my street. My original plan had me going along a path I had ridden before but knew contained many more steep hills and this early on, I was not prepared to start any major climb. So, I dissected the city as best I could. It didn't matter. No matter which way I took, the hills were inevitable so I endured them until I got to the top of what I thought would be a temporary plateau whilst meandering my way through the outskirts of town. That was when some wise ass tried to take me out at one of our round abouts. Considering the weight of the bike with it's cargo, I managed to stop and jump off the seat in time to get it under control. Now my heart was pounding in my ears and I was angry. I regained my composure, remounted and kept on going eventually getting out of the way of the worst of the traffic. I managed to find my way to one of the roads that would begin my journey out.

My initial goal was to survive, which of course, I did. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. What I saw ahead of me however began to make me doubt not just my sanity but whether this was all worth it. It appeared as though there weren't a flat piece of land in all of the area. Who the hell was I kidding. I peddled on, listening to the sound of the passing vehicles, my breathing and the thumping in my chest. Monitoring my speedometer, I was getting around 20km per hour in the early stage and that was on the flat surface. I was just trying to get comfortable with the weight and making sure it was snug on my back with little movement. What I didn't need was to start some irritation that would start to worsen. Believe me, my intention was to get there, not to break any speed records. My first mistake was going farther down the first country road than I should have. I missed a turn somewhere but when checking that out later, the turn would have had me go down an unpaved road so no harm done...or so I thought.

One thing is for certain, to put a little twist on the old saying, “what goes up, must come down”. What goes down, must also climb back up! And oh, did I climb. You will see that I only took a few pictures of my journey on the actual ride. I had some form of momentum going and did not want to get too relaxed. There are a few pictures here, that will give you some idea of my surroundings. Including the downhills and the uphills. I drank a combination of water and Gatorade and just small swallows. Enough to say I did. I stopped for about 10 minutes near a junction to get my bearings. I was still heading in the right direction, so that was good. I remounted and continued on. I was supposed to keep going straight at the last turn but came across the name of a road a friend mentioned would bring me through a small town. So, needing to get restocked, blindly, I took it.

The ups and downs continued until I actually had to hit the brakes on the way down one of the hills when I went over 52km/hr down the hill. If I had hit anything on the way down or lost control, something was going to hurt. And that something would have been me. As fun as that may have appeared at the time, my brain was already thinking about the climb back up. And it was a climb. Remember, I am not an experienced road warrior so to me, these hills seemed ginormous. And with the extra weight, it just made it that much more of a challenge. I made it up that hill and every other hill after that. I finally made it to that town and realized I was over the half way mark.

I stopped off at a little convenience store and bought some more liquids. Plus a couple of seed type bars that would have been right up Mr. Beaks' alley rather than mine. However, having skipped breakfast, I was getting hungry so I settled on those. Yummy....not! One of the locals stopped to chat, asked me where I was coming from and where I was going. I told him but when I asked how far it was to the next town, he said it was about 15 minutes by car. But the expression that showed on his face led me to believe there was something that he wasn't telling me. Yup! More hills...big deal. The problem was, I could feel myself starting to get tired. My hands, arms and feet were beginning to hurt. As well as a certain other area of my anatomy which was also developing a “minor” irritation.

When I strapped the backpack upon my shoulders, it now felt like about 100 lbs. However, knowing the end was closer than the beginning, I kept on going. Time didn't matter at all out here only gaining a steady cadence and persistence. The one thing I do have to say though is this, the town fathers in this area must have all had some warped sense of humor. Because, it appeared as though they all built their towns on an upgrade. So, no matter which way you were coming into town, you were going uphill. Strange. Anyways, I saw the unmistakable sight of a golf course up to my left and recognized it as one of the courses I had played many times in a town called Innerkip. Which meant of course that the town was nearby. The funny thing was, having driven out here by car many times on the highway, I knew it only took about 45 minutes to an hour. I was already around the 4 hour mark. Yuck!

Peddling through the town, I stopped at a crossed roads where road numbers merged and changed. Believe me, at this point, I did not want to make the mistake of taking a wrong turn and having to backtrack. So I was careful, took off my gear and sat in the shade of a post at a used car lot studying the roads. I knew I was running out of energy and the irritations were beginning to set in. I don't recall how long I sat there. Maybe 20 minutes, but it was good to take my shoes off and just sit and relax.

Now, looking at my watch and knowing the destination was imminent, I wanted to get in under the 5 hour mark. A challenge! I had myself a challenge! Back in the saddle, the first part was a downhill run. Little did I know, it would be the last major one I would get. The rest of the way was a steady parade of steps. One long stride after another. But I climbed them. Definitely slower than when I began the day but with a little more purpose. Finally, up ahead a sign loomed in the distance. Destination, next left. I turned the corner staring one final climb up to the end. I made it and in just under 5 hours. Didn't break any speed records. Wasn't planning on it. Just trying to get there and I did.
(More to come)

Glutton for punishment!

2009-07-24T00:36:00.003-04:00

Well, it's been a bit of a week so far. Busy at work, which is a good thing. With all of this talk of recession, the increase in construction and construction type projects, doesn't appear to have been affected too much. Not necessarily new construction, but renovations of existing buildings, apartments and shopping plazas. A lot of the contractors coming in looking for drawings, all seem to have their hands in the mix trying to keep their crews working. So, whether they are willing to take on jobs for less or whether companies have really held tight to the purse strings there is a lot going on in our area. Believe it or not, one of the most steady increases has been the construction of churches of various denominations. Mind you, they start out with lofty ideas until the pricing comes in then, as the saying goes, it's back to the drawing board. Even a lot of the long existing fast food restaurants are in the midst of trying to revamp their tired looks. Desperately trying to bring in new clientele with upgraded looks and healthier menus. Whatever works I guess.

Next week end we have a long weekend here in Ontario. Some bogus holiday just to throw another long weekend into the summer. I'm not going to turn it down if that's what you're thinking. It just irks me the wrong way that we still don't have a day to represent those who have lost their lives serving our country. That's Canadian Government for ya. Anyways, I'm also thinking of taking next Friday off as well extending the weekend by a day. My plan is to go camping for those few days and get away from computers, cell phones and politics amongst other things. I have an area in mind which is about 70-75 kilometers away from here. Which, in driving terms, is not very far at all. So, I'm going to make it a little more difficult and ride my bike there instead. I've been working on that this week. Riding a 30km route I mapped out on the computer a couple of times this week. Have I mentioned how hilly our area is around here? That's because when you are in a car, you don't notice such things.

On Tuesday night, when I first set out on this little adventure, I questioned my sanity with every revolution of the peddles. When I began the first big climb, my main concern was to not stroke out halfway up the hill. When I was about three quarters of the way up, two young college aged girls, passed me with ease. I continued my steady cadence and was not about to try any macho shit. This, I was doing for me and had nothing to prove. Reaching the top was a small victory in itself. If I had known what was in store after that, I would have turned the bike around and coasted down the hill and headed home. But, being pig-headed, I continued on. The rest of the roadway undulated but not as sever as the first hill. By the time the first small town of Ste. Agathe was coming up, I was right back on the wheels of the girls who passed me. That was about the 14km mark and I needed some water so I stopped for about 5 minutes and the youngsters kept on riding at the first turn.

The next 4-5km stretch of road was relatively flat but was being prepared for re-surfacing. It was covered in a combination of loose gravel and sand and was not really compacted well. Which almost caused me to wipe out a couple of times. However, I persevered and made it to the next small town where I would make my turn and head back for home. That is when I got my first look at the monster. The first hill I climbed seemed like a baby compared to this brute. I wondered if I would make it or if I would have to dismount and walk it. Well, steady up I went, never focusing more than 20 meters ahead at one time. Not wanting to look up until I was sure I was nearing the apex. Again, I made it and figured the worst was over. But alas, it was not to be. There was one final nightmare. Not because of it's steepness, but because every time you thought you made it to the top, it stepped up just a little higher. There were about 4 or 5 steps before it leveled out.

Once the hills were out of the way, I only had to contend with the wind which began blowing right across my path. The good news was, I was only about 8km's from home. And I knew I could do with my eyes closed. I kept them open of course, just to be on the safe side. Coming up that long last hill though, I could feel my calf muscle start to cramp up and my fingers, (amongst other things) begin to go numb. Would I be able to do this with a full back pack of gear on? I guess we will see. The fact that I am writing this and somebody out there may be reading this, tells you that I made it. Now 30km's may not seem like a lot to some people but it was a good first stretch for me. I was happy when I got home, looked at my watch and found I managed to do the ride in 1 ½ hours. On the week end I plan on extending the ride by about another 20km's to 50km's and if that goes well, then I will decide whether I want to bike to that camping trip or wimp out and drive. I'm into the last month before hitting the big five-o. So, needless to say, I have some motivation for wanting to do this.

Anyways, I guess I have been a bit of a slackard in the blogging world this week. But I have had a lot on my mind, a lot on my plate and a lot to work on but I will definitely catch up.

All That Jazz

2009-07-19T22:39:00.004-04:00

Okay, this is going to be one of the most difficult posts I will ever have to write. Reason being, how in the hell do you describe the music I heard without letting you hear it all too. Blogger has to come up with a way for us to upload our own music. Anyways, what a week end! Beginning to end, the week end was filled with some really great Jazz from mostly Canadian Jazz musicians. Including an expat American, Tim Louis, who became a Canadian citizen and now lives in our neck of the woods. Also included in this week ends line-up was a group called Zapati Jazz who came all the way here from Chile. On top of all the music, I accidentily found out we were having a Rib and Beer Fest. This little shindig was only about 10 minutes away so I figured I would have to go pay that venue a little visit too. After all, a man has to eat from time to time. Needless to say, both events were just filled to capacity with people, young and old, enjoying themselves immensely.

Now, I'm trying something a little different here with the pics. Just an idea I stole, I mean borrowed from Lori over at My Life Interupted. It's kind of a slide show as opposed to me waiting for three days to upload some of what I took. I'm not sure if you can stop the thing and enlarge the pics. So, we'll see how that works. There were 12 acts over the three days and I was able to catch 8 of those. Luckily for everybody involved, the weather kind of co-operated a little. It was cool and windy but the sun stuck around most of the time. Don't mind me if I'm a little all over the place. I'm still trying to run everything through my head.

The event started on Friday night around 6pm and was led off by Carol McCartney (no relation to Paul). I even managed to score an autogrphed copy of her latest CD. Carol performs mostly in Canada and the United States so if she is coming to your town any time soon, go check out her music. Next up was the only international group in the line-up; Zapatti Jazz. Only one way to describe these guys and that is UNBELIEVABLE! They have been around since 2004 coming out of Puerto Varas, Chile. I don't think one of them is even close to 30 years old yet. They stunned the audience which encouraged them to a well deserved encore. And closing out Friday's soiree, was Chris Smith who is up against the likes of Michael Buble and Diana Krall for the 2009 Canadian Smooth Jazz Awards.

On Saturday, I spent a few hours at the Rib Fest, feeding my face and running into a few familiar faces in the crowd. Then I headed back across town to continue with the music infusion. Apparently I missed some pretty damned good acts earlier. Including, The Toronto All-Star Band, Andriy Tykhonov and Julie Crochetière who apparently put on quite a show. I did make it back in time to catch Tim Louis, whom I mentioned above. You want to talk about a prestigious career. This guy has performed for Bill Clinto, Jean Chrètien and Prince Andrew. And here he was, performing for all of us and we didn't pay a dime. Although I am sure somebody was footing the bill for this. I found a clip on YouTube of Tim performing at a nearby club, The Rude Native where he performs regularly. I hope it shows up and enjoy it if it does.

Now, fortunately we were not required to vote on any of the acts because this next artist, Divine Brown, would have had my vote hands down. More of an R&B/Soul singer, this young woman literally moved the audience to tears with her performance. Surrounded by her back up singers and dancers, she didn't miss a beat as she had people both dancing in the aisles and in their seats. When she sang 'One More Chance', from her 2008 release, 'The Love Chronicles', she was barely able to choke out the last of the lyrics before breaking down in tears. I'm sure there wasn't a dry eye in the house after that perormance. Ms. Brown rebounded quickly and again had the audience eating out of the palm of her hands. This was indeed a huge surprise to me. Sadly, when I went to purchase her CD, they had already sold out. Of course that didn,t stop me from ordering it online when I got home:) Aside from the YouTube clips, you can hear more of her music here.

Rounding out last nights performances was Michael Kaeshammer who dazzled us with his incredible ability behind the piano. In Michael's bio he is quoted as saying, "being onstage is about hanging out with people, having a conversation. I just love it. I don't want my audience to all be jazz fans or piano fans. I want people who want to hang out with me. You can really open yourself up onstage, and that's like a high for me." Well, believe me, he was very successful because nobody moved from their seats to leave while he played. Incredible music.

And finally, today I managed to catch the final two acts of the week ends performances. Two completely different styles if I ever saw one. The John Sherwood Trio consisted of Terry Clarke on drums, Dave young who used to play with Canadian Legend Oscar Peterson and John Sherwood who just so happened to have arranged the latest CD by Carol McCartney (still no relation to Paul) who started this whole week end off. You can tell these guys have played together forever the way they just lulled you into a blissful sunny Sunday afternoon. Last but not least were a collection of former street perfomers collectively known as The Shuffle Demons. Giving the crowd a tast of what was to come, they snaked their way thru the crowd getting everybody's heart rates up. They didn't stop once they returned to the stage keeping the audience captivated right to the final note of this years very successful festival.

So uh; I guess I had a busy week end to say the least. Hope you all had a great week end yourselves!

Shoe Box Memories

2009-07-16T23:16:00.004-04:00

Shoe boxes. You know, those cardboard containers that held a new pair of footwear. Dress shoes, runners or casual. It didn't really matter to me. Once the shoes were out of the box, it was the box that I hung onto. Some years ago, I developed a habit of tossing this and that into those boxes. When they were full, up into a closet they went. I know that some contain things that I emptied out of my pockets onto the entry shelf. Or clutter that built up on my desk and I wasn't sure I wanted to get rid of. So, into the boxes they went. Old scorecards, tees, golf balls, notes and Lord knows what other things you may find in some of the early ones. From time to time, I may be looking for something and think I may have dumped it in one of those boxes. I will haul a couple of them down for a look see and rummage through them hoping to find what it was I was searching for. Sometimes with luck, sometimes without.

After awhile, I started bringing home the boxes that printer paper comes in. I began storing books that I have read or others that were just cluttering up my space. Some of the boxes contained vacation memories. Where I went, postcards , itineraries, plane tickets and those tourist pamphlets. These too, found there way into a closet or storage cupboard. Subconsciously, I had a feeling I knew what I was doing. I was creating little time capsules of my life. Why I was, or rather am doing this, may or may not be a mystery. It is almost like I am telling stories of my life based on the contents of the box. What I was doing, where I was or people that passed through my life. It has become a comfortable habit which you may think a little strange. But to me, they are tidbits of my existence.

Of the three boxes that are shown at the top of this piece, the contents of the top box are shown above. This is the one box that never gets put away. There are some black and white memories of my mother. Her death certificate. Notes from the hotel where I was making funeral arrangements. If you look closely, you can see the odd picture of me taken when I was much younger and skinnier. Right on the top of the pile, a couple of memories from the first foster home we were guests at. There are no pictures from the second one. The tiny picture in the oval frame is the only baby picture I have of me. This photo was on my mother's bedside table in her apartment. There are some coloured Polaroids of the famous Christmas boot incident. Just a collection of odds and sods really of the early part of my life's journey. I don't know how I came to have this collection but I do know that they are one of a kind which is probably why I keep them close by.

For years I've gone places and done things without bothering to record the events. Relying on my memory. Whenever I did take pictures, the undeveloped films sat around until they could no longer be processed obliterating the memories. There are probably other undeveloped film in some of those buried boxes amongst other pieces of my past life. Who knows. In the past few years, I no longer take events of my life as trivial. Of course, it is a lot easier with a digital camera and now I rarely go anywhere without it. Whether or not I decide to through these boxes remains to be seen. It would probably be a smart thing to do at some point if only to satisfy my own curiosity. A sad thought runs through my mind as I think about the contents of those boxes though. Is that after I die, those who come in to clean out my home believe that those boxes contain nothing but junk and toss them out without giving them another thought.

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a blog called Poetic Painter who had written a poem sometime back. The poem was called Inside the Boxes and was written in memory of their Grandmother. This poem is well worth a read. This piece told me that I was not alone in the performance of this unusual practice. Now I feel just a little less weird. Oh joy!

...but not forgotten!

2009-07-12T23:33:00.004-04:00

Earlier today, I went to a Memorial gathering for a friend of mine who passed away on Thursday . I first spoke of this friend, Murray, in an earlier post called, Yesterday's Memories. Murray was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease but actually succumbed to heart failure. He would have been 80 years young in September. In speaking with his wife of 55 years, she said it was better for him to go now than to continue to endure the horrors of this dreaded disease. I couldn't have agreed more. There are a few things on my mind here tonight as I sit and reflect on some of the days events. One of them is Murray himself and the various passions and interests he held onto throughout his life. One of the smartest people I knew, Murray graduated as a Civil Engineer back in 1952. As a Consulting Engineer, Murray's stamp is on many of Southern Ontario's municipal projects. He was also involved in some of our community's largest civil infrastructure projects of his time.

Outside of his professional duties, Murray had a diverse range of interests from music, engineering, Canadian History and his love of gardening. Not to mention his close relationships he had with his dogs over the years. Believe me, Murray never failed to mention Odie and Annie every chance he got. I never really knew Murray as a family man as I only met him about 14 years ago. I met a couple of his children a couple of years ago at a small birthday celebration we had for him. There was something definitely lacking that was not hard to notice. Over the years, we did speak about that part of his life and there were regrets. A lot of them. But that is not my story to tell. That is his family's story. However there are things that I do know, especially in the past three years that I can tell you. Up until three years ago there was a lot of bitterness about the relationship between Murray and his family.

Today, when I had an opportunity to speak with his wife, 3 daughters and his son, I was pleasantly surprised that they did not try to cover up that part of Murray. If you can understand that. Most of the time, when a loved one passes away, those dark things are usually buried with the person. And, in a way, it was refreshing to hear this honesty coming from them. I also don't think they wanted to hear what a really nice guy he was because they had a different story. But Murray knew he was a difficult man and he never failed to reveal that to me. For years, there was a lot of bitterness and finger pointing about things long past but all I was getting was one side of the picture. With my history, I knew that there were two side to every story and didn't really need to hear the other side to know what was going on. But as I said, about three years ago, something began to happen.

Murray, in his own way, never forgot about the professional privileges he once held. And so, when Murray spoke, you listened. But suddenly, Murray shut up and began listening. Not just to me but to others around him and I think this started to have a dramatic affect on his consciousness. He started coming back with stories of reconciliation with his son and daughters. Albeit small stories but there was hope. Gradually they became more of a regular part of his repertoire and there was also a lot less anger. Today, hearing what they had to say, I had an opportunity to tell them what I had witnessed over the past three years. They were pleasantly surprised to hear what I had to tell them and I could see the pained and puzzled look on their faces. I also spoke to Murray's Daughter-in-law who filled me in on the impact the estranged relationship that was there between father and son over the years. When I told her of the stories of love and pride Murray shared with me about his children, she began to cry which naturally brought tears immediately to my eyes. All I can hope for is that they can now relinquish the pain that is embedded in their hearts and move on with their lives.

Another thing that was on my mind today which in a way has a link to the above, is a post I read by Rosaria of sixtyifvewhatnow. Rosaria is planning on a few posts as a kind of mentoring program into what we can look forward to as we get older. It would be interesting if we can all get involved. As for the Alzheimer's Disease, it is probably my least favourite of all diseases. I'm not a fan of any diseases to be honest with you, but this one just freaks me out with what it does to a human being. An estimated 26.6 million people worldwide had Alzheimer's in 2006; this number may quadruple by 2050. Scary....no! With most diseases, you have some kind of a fighting chance, with this one, it's only a matter of time before you succumb to it. If we can share the knowledge of what to look for, not only with this disease but other disease that we can look forward to as we age. I guess what I am suggesting here is that you follow Rosaria's blog and get involved in a little Participaction!

Bogey Bites

2009-07-10T00:20:00.005-04:00

As some of you may have noticed, I have changed the word COMMENTS, in the comments box to “Bogey Bites”. I was looking for something with a little more humour and a little less of a reminder of what it was like to read what your High School Teachers had to say about you. Whatever! It works for me and I like it. Anyways, the reason for this post is kind of a follow up to comments I started to make on Audrey's Blog, Stage 3! Who, me? In her post, which of course you can read for yourself here. And before I go on, I just want to clarify one thing. This in no way is a judgment of Audrey or her Blog. I was in the process of commenting on her most recent post, when I realized something. I was approaching post length in my comment, felt I had something to say that would have taken away from Audrey's post and also had my own thoughts on Followers and Blog Comments. So, I politely let Audrey know of my intention and so, there you have it. Now, back to the regularly scheduled post.

Like a lot of Bloggers, I started out with a little apprehension. I kind of just tip toed around with no real agenda of what it was I was going to write about and most of the time, I still don't. I began reading a lot of Blogs, commenting on some while just passing through on others. To be honest, I was unsure of whether I would find an audience let alone keep them around for any length of time. Mind you, it has only been 3 months since I have started this so didn't really know what to expect. Very early on, there were only a small handful of bloggers who came to become “Followers” and we basically followed each other. And, I am honoured to say, that they are still all followers. The biggest spike came when I wrote about the loss of a friends pet, and Natalie sent out a “Mourning Call”. A few more people became followers and to date, most have them continue to tag along for which, of course, I am grateful. It just means that somebody is reading this stuff and it makes me feel good when I do get comments.

Like Audrey, I take a personal interest in the Blogging Community in which I have become a part of. Reading and commenting if and when I can. Actually, I am intentionally trying to ensure that what I do here is manageable because I feel I owe something in return to the people who have followed me. But to me, it is a debt that I will gladly pay. Compared to a lot of the people who do visit here, I have a small family of friends and feel very comfortable adding as I go along. When I do visit my fellow bloggers, I try and take special care in the comment that I do leave behind. And this I do for a number of reasons. First of all, many of you take a lot of care putting together your posts. I think it would be unfair of me to hit and run just to say I left a comment. And so, I give you and your post the respect that is due. Sometimes, I may read a post and have to leave it just so I can digest what I have read before I even leave a comment. I like that you can make me think and feel like that. To explore your words on another level of consciousness. But I always come back and comment.

Being an emotional person by nature, it has been refreshing to allow myself to feel when something I read squeezes my heart. I did not always do this because I have repressed a lot of these emotions for years. Now, I have an opportunity to connect with those feelings reading your words that often mirror images that I have lived. In a way, it has been comforting, in a sense, to know that there are many more of you who have lived lives whereby we can connect with each other. Offering compassion, empathy and understanding if only for a little while. Of course I realize not everybody likes to read these types of melancholy stories. Your reasons are your own and explanations are not necessary. Suffice it to say, when I read your blogs I can go through a myriad of emotions in a very short time.

There are some bloggers that I know I can go to and get a laugh or a chuckle almost every single time. And sometimes, that can leave me smiling for hours or cause me to silently chuckle in the middle of the day. Leaving those around me scratching their collective heads wondering what is so funny. Ah! My little secret. Then there are those of you who fill my memory banks with your treasured and historic surroundings via the lens of your cameras and your eagle sharp eyes. Your photos often leave me spell bounded by the magnificence of your imagery. Speaking of imagery, how can I not mention the artists amongst you. Those of you who mix paints or pastels, pencils or charcoal with your creative souls and transfer your emotions onto the blank canvases that lay in front of you. Truly awe inspiring.

And then, of course, there are those of you who can wax lyrical either with your words of wisdom, guidance or even poetry. There is so much creativity in Blog Land it is really hard to put it into the proper context it deserves. Your words can touch my soul, tickle my funny bone and educate me all within a span of minutes. They all remind me of my humanness and my capacity to feel and to shed a tear or to smile and bust a gut laughing. So why would I not want to read and view all that you have to offer and to leave you with a small, yet genuine token of my heartfelt appreciation. Believe me, it is the least that I can do. I've enjoyed traveling across this world and seeing familiar faces in familiar places. Made familiar by the warmth and acceptance of all of our Blog friends.

Now, as for receiving comments, who amongst us can say that they don't have a little smile in their heart when they know somebody took the time to stop by and leave a little token of their appreciation. I know I do. Which is also why I try to acknowledge each received comment with a little note of thanks. Here is how I view seeing comments in the Bogey Bites box. Some of you may remember this a little bit more than others. Have you ever had a pen pal or a friend who moved away and you used to keep in touch solely by snail mail? When you came home from school or work to find an envelope addressed to you waiting for you to tear into. For your eyes only. How you used to treasure those moments anxious to open it there and then but waited until you were in the privacy of your bedroom. Well that is kind of what it feels like when I see that somebody dropped off a Bogey Bite. And I am always happy to see my familiar friends as well as new ones who have just dropped by.
I just had this thought, I wonder how many people have dropped by, took one look at this blog, thought it would all be about Golf and high tailed it out of here. Too bad I say. They wouldn't get an opportunity to meet all of you! Cheers all and have a happy Friday!

Oh! Almost forgot, Doctor told me I may be suffering from CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). May? What the hell does that mean? More tests required of course and I wish that I could say that I've been feeling better but nope. Just pacing myself a little for now. Of course, now I need to do some research on this because any Doctor that tells me that I “may” be suffering from anything obviously isn't interested in finding out for me! Hmmphh!

Love My Friends

2009-07-07T23:37:00.000-04:00

Recently, Cynthia of “Oasis Writing Link (OWL)” graciously honoured me with the Love My Friends award. According to Cynthia, this award “is bestowed onto blogs that are exceedingly charming.” Really now....me, charming! Well, not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth.....I'll take it. Thank you very kindly Cynthia, this is really appreciated. I don't recall how I found my way to OWL, but when I did, I had the hardest time staying on the site. For some reason or another, it kept booting me off and shutting down. However, I remained patient and eventually things worked themselves out and I haven't had any trouble since. And I am happy I have stuck around. Now if you like to think, this is the place to visit. Cynthia does not blog on a daily basis and therefore puts a lot of time, effort, thought and variety into all of her posts. Thus, captivatingly pulling you in, compelling you to think outside your safe zone and at an emotional level we generally don't often visit without some kind of encouragement. Cynthia has a magical way of weaving a combination of poetry, music and film into all of her posts, creatively emphasizing her own personal thoughts, ideas and true life experiences. Needless to say, I encourage all who drop by here today to visit the Oasis Writing Link and introduce yourself to Cynthia. You will all be glad you did. Thanks again Cynthia! It's nice to be thought of as a friend!
First, I would like to acknowledge that not all of my Blog Friends accept or post awards on their sites. And to me that is fair. However, it does not prevent me from mentioning them as people whom I choose to call friend and whose Blogs I enjoy immensely and am sure some of you would like as well. I also know that they, in return, accept the gesture in the spirit in which it was given.
Now the instructions for this award were to; “Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly written text into the body of their award.”
These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers, photographers poets, humourists and smart a**es. So, in no particular order, they are;

And, like Cynthia, I am adding an additional 2 selections. Though they don't do awards, I do want to say that they are friendly Bloggers. The fact that they are both Canadian is just fluke.

Ms Toast Burner of One slice at a time
Hilary of The Smitten Image

Cheers to you all and Happy Blogging!

Brand Power! Can we afford not to?

2009-07-06T00:29:00.003-04:00

I'm kind of particular when shopping for certain items, especially grooming aids. And if the stores I am shopping in don't have the product I need, I will go elsewhere instead of buying something else. Call me fussy if you like, (anything else you can keep to yourself) but I like what I like. Besides, they match. As you can see from the above photo, they are all Gillette products as well. Except for the Colgate Toothpaste, (also blue) which leaves my mouth minty fresh and my favourite smelly stuff from Yves Saint Laurent. Which, of course, attracts every insect on God's green earth. You ever try making a putt for bogey with gnats swirling around your head; not fun. And just so you know, I didn't even get paid to push this stuff. Imagine! These are and have been my preference for years. I'm pretty consistent in similar type purchases as well.

I seldom, if ever, change brands of anything for that matter. Whether it be laundry detergent, dish soap, bleach or any of the other number of household cleaning products one is forced to buy throughout the year. Don't ask me why, I'm just a stickler to such things. It makes it easier to remember when I do have to buy these items. If I were smart, I would be looking for more Green Friendly products and perhaps I will, one day. But the bottom line here is, why do I, or shall I say we, get into such habits? For me, at least, it took years of product experimentation. I kept turning over products of all kinds until I found the ones that actually delivered what they said they would. Not an easy task I dare say. With all of the advertisements on television, magazines and stores it's enough to make you go berserk while standing in front of aisles of various products trying to recall who promised what.

After awhile, I began to settle on those products that not only offered consistency but delivered on them as well. One of the things that also impressed me was that the prices were pretty stable as well. No doubt to all of the competition out there. And today, with the way things are, we are all trying to get the best bang for our buck. This works out in many other areas as well. When I was younger, I bought things that I could afford only to find that I had to replace them a lot quicker. Over time, I would pick and choose certain brand items that would wash better and wear longer. I would rather spend a premium dollar now knowing that my purchases would last a little bit longer. And now, with the increased influx of cheaper product coming in from various overseas countries (how's that for political correctness), all we are doing is ensuring our landfill sites will be in business for years to come.

Think about this for a moment. How many young adults out there are getting ready to spread their wings and start life out there on their own? How many are going off to university or college? Not all are going to leave home fully equipped with all of the necessary appliances and such to set up home. So, it's off to the nearest low cost store to buy what will work for the time being. But of course, they buy what they can afford which will last less than the price tag they pay for it. Then that goes out to the dump and another replaces the old. This gets repeated over and over again. All you need to do to see proof is to swing buy any universities student housing during semester turnovers and witness the piles of junk on the front lawns waiting to be carted to the dump. The sad thing is, there is another group right there ready to take their place and on it goes.

Half of the stuff you see in stores now is made mostly out of plastic, cheap steel and inferior electronics. These products require very little in the way of advertising and marketing because the big box stores already know who they are catering to. And once the sale is made, they also know that it is only a matter of time before the customer comes back to replace it. People have come to accept this as a necessary evil to living in todays world. In a way, who can blame them especially if they are sending more than one child off to university. Nowadays you really have to look at the small print on the packaging to find out where a product is actually made. Sometimes it says, packaged in Canada or the US but it is made or assembled elsewhere. What kind of crap is that? Before I buy anything now, I want to know more about the guts of the product. I don't want to find out later that I have to send it to Timbuktu for replacement parts. Quality, it seems, is only a word on a Mission Statement and becoming harder to find than Waldo. That is why when I find a product I am happy with, it means the company has proven it's worth and commitment to me, the consumer. When we find something that works, I think it's best that we should just stick to it. We, as a society, often times spend money freely but not always wisely. I think we should reverse that and start spending it wisely and not so freely.

Holding Tight

2009-07-03T02:56:00.001-04:00

Holding Tight

Holding on

too tightly

to things that

should let go of

Memories

yesterdays passions

and

broken promises

Terrified

that if I do

Memories

of things that were

once

will follow

Becoming

hopelessly lost

in the dark shadows

of things

that never were.

by G. De Rouin
(aka: Bogey)
July 02, 2009 ©

Yawn!

2009-06-30T22:51:00.004-04:00

Rainy View

Somethings not right lately. I've been overly tired and find myself struggling to stay awake at work which is not a good thing. The week end was very busy with a combination of a golf tournament, visiting friends and trying to stay dry. Everything appeared normal so I can't figure out what is going on. I don't have any visible bites that I can see so I don't thing that's it. The weather has been kind of miserable of late and I have been driving in the rain a lot. Then of course, I'm trying to cram 5 days of work into 3 1/2 to get to a long week end.

Gruesome Foursome!

(We did shoot a -3)

But the bottom line has been, that once I get home, all I want to do is sleep. However, no matter how long I sleep or nap or whatever, I wake up exhausted and just want to crawl back into bed. I'm not particularly hungry either. And this, I know, is not normal. Right now I just woke up after sleeping on and off for about 3 hours and I'm ready to go back to bed. Which I am going to do in a minute. Normally, I can function quite well on about 5-6 hours of sleep. Now more than 8 doesn't seem to cut it. It's probably nothing, but when things get out of sync, that's when it's good to be aware of what's normal and what isn't.

Little Miss Sunshine!

Layers

2009-06-26T00:36:00.003-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I read a blog posted by Cynthia, (Oasis Writing Link) in regards to Clint Eastwood's movie, Gran Torino. At the time I had not seen the movie, but from the short clip Cynthia had embedded and seeing ads on the movie, I decided to check it out. I watched it late Saturday night and let the imagery and story line sink in. On the rental version, the 'Bonus Features' focused on men and their relationship with vintage and muscle type cars such as the 1972 Gran Torino. One of my first cars was a 1973 Cutlass S 350 so I can kind of relate. I was actually a little disappointed, perhaps expecting a little more discussion on the theme of the movie and the behind the scenes concept. But there were none. When I first read Cynthia's piece, I did not want to read too many of the comments left there just in case more of the storyline was revealed. If you are planning on seeing the movie then you better stop here. Although I don't reveal too much here, I do reveal some scenes that had an impact on me. Anyways, the next morning, I watched the movie again and began taking the movie apart in layers. At least in layers the way I saw the movie. Tonight I reread the original post and every one of the comments that were left behind to see how many others saw what I saw. This in itself interested me.

I've always liked Clint Eastwood's movies, both as an actor and as a director. As an actor, his presence more than makes up for the minimal amount of dialogue that he generally has in his films. But as a director, and based partly on the comments I read, plus my own perception, he probably says more than even he realizes. There were so many subtle little stories and relationships within the film that seeing it just once would never do. But right from the get go, you can see that this was going to be something different and special. If you want to get a quick synopsis of the movie, you can go here.

Now, back to peeling away the layers. My first thought of Clint's character, Walt Kowalski was that of Archie Bunker to the nth Degree. His blatant bigotry and his acerbic tongue conflicted the fact that he was a Korean War Veteran whose duty it was to help the very kind of people he was now grumbling about. But to me, that was just a layer of the character that we were about to see so I quickly discarded it for what it was, a character. His disdain for his family, sons and grandchildren, was also very evident. And to some extremes, understandable, due to the total lack of respect shown at his wife's funeral. His disappointment in his kids appeared to have developed over a long period of time but that was just window dressing and was never developed in the film. It was the Ying to the impending cultural Yang that was about to develop.

The clash began, of course, over the attempted theft of his prized, cherry 1972 Gran Torino. The car became symbolic for various reasons. First, Walt himself worked at the assembly plant where the car was manufactured and installed the steering column. Combine this with the current trouble that the North American auto industry now finds itself in; plus the increasing numbers of import cars and one could easily see why Good ol' Walt's fuse is just a little short. Needless to say, when the battlefront moved to his front lawn, Walt resorted to a very fundamental need to protect what was his. In the ensuing confrontation however, he unknowingly opened the lid to something a little more violent and tragic.

Now here is where the movie started to get a little deeper. It took the focus off of the violence for a short time and showed us a glimpse of how other cultures dealt with family members who shamed them with their actions. It wasn't so much that Walt mentored his young neighbour Thao, in as much as the family gave Walt his services in order to make amends for his actions. The bonding came during this part of their relationship and perhaps Walt recognized something that he had missed in his relationship with his own sons when they were that age. I wonder what the reaction would be from some of today's youth if this was how they had to pay for some of their juvenile transgressions. Interesting thought anyways.
There is one scene where this makes a little more sense to me when you see Walt sitting on his porch, nursing a beer and reading his horoscope which says:

“This year you have to make a choice between two life paths. Second chances come
your way. Extraordinary events culminate in what might seem to be an anticlimax.”

Of course, at the time, Walt shrugs this off as utter nonsense. Just another layer really. However, throughout the movie, we capture glimpses of his health as it begins to deteriorate and wonder what is going through his mind. Again, this becomes more evident during a celebration at his neighbours house. When Sue, the neighbours daughter, tells Walt that the elderly Monk wants to "read" him. Sue translates the reading and you can tell the Monk starts hitting home with some of his observations. Especially when he says, “...you're worried about your life. You made a mistake in your past life; like a mistake that you did. That you're not satisfied with. He says you have no happiness in your life. It's like you're not at peace.”

The reality hits home to Walt when he rushes up to the bathroom to wash blood from his mouth. He looks at his image in the mirror and groans, “God, I've got more in common with these gooks than I do with my own spoiled rotten family.”

So, when I peeled away the layers of this movie, it had little to do with an angry, bitter Bigot. Or even about the gangs and the all too familiar violence of today's society. Too me, it was about a man, watching the last granules of sand, quickly tumble from his life's hourglass. Haunted by his own life, his failures, his misery's and his joys. Recognizing, just in time, that he too has to make amends for his past transgressions.

As the credits begin to roll at the end of this movie, you can hear Clint's hoarse voice warbling out some of the words from the movies them song:

So tenderly your story is
nothing more than what you see
or what you've done or will become
standing strong do you belong
in your skin; just wondering
Gentle now the tender breeze blows
whispers through my Gran Torino
whistling another tired song
Engine hums and bitter dreams grow
heart locked in a Gran Torino
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long...

Thanks to Cynthia for letting me know of this movie. It may well have been one I would have passed on.

Premio Meme Award

2009-06-25T00:05:00.000-04:00

This little framed beauty, the Premio Meme Award was presented to me by none other than Audrey, from Stage3! Who, me? Merci bien, mon cher ami! This was unexpected to say the least. This is the second 'Award' that Audrey has graciously passed along to me in the last month. And in that month, I have witnessed an amazing transformation of sorts. In the past month, Audrey has become a public speaker, a very able participant in the Friday Shoot Out series and has shown a marvelous sense of humour. She has also expressed a true sense of humility and gratitude towards all of her blogging friends she has made over the past few months. I would be an idiot to not accept this from Audrey. Thank you so very much Audrey!

The rules for this one are to name 7 things about myself, and then to pass it on to 7 other people. Now what can I tell you that you don't already know?

I was born with a broken nose. Seriously! They didn't want to operate on it when I was a kid and then when I started to play contact sports they told me to wait until I was finished playing sports. I'm not finished playing yet! 10 years ago I had a piece of one of my ribs inserted in my nose to help me breath better. Didn't work too well!

Until this year, I have never looked at age as anything but a numbr. This year I'm looking at it as a milestone of sorts and have come to realize that I am on the other side of the hill. As you can see from the above, I am not done playing yet!

I will probably not live long enough to read all of the books that I have collected. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop buying them or collecting them, I just may not get a chance to read all of them.

The one person I regret not meeting in my life, was my Grandfather. My mother's father to be exact. He was killed in the Second World War. I have only 1 picture of him. In it he is wearing his uniform. It haunts me and for some reason, I believe that it is he who watches over me. Strange eh!

I would love to see a collection of Blogger Poetry in a Coffee Table Book, published, with the proceeds going towards something that will do some good in this world. 2 of my poems were published about 12 years ago in a collection that was used to generate income for some local community groups. I think it would be nice to do something like that on a bigger scale.

Life is a series of lessons. I am not always going to pass those lessons. I'm human and thus, prone to making mistakes. Mistakes are good; they give me something to work on....and I have a lot to work on.

I love good food and so long as I can still see my feet when I look down....it's all good!

Now here is where I am going to change the rules a bit. My prerogative. I would like to make this a bit of an open Award. Anybody who sees this Award and wants it can take it. However, they do have to complete a list of at least seven things about themselves and share it with whomever crosses their blog. They should still acknowledge where the Award came from but the point is that they share a little of themselves with the rest of blog land. Take care everybody and thanks once again to Audrey.

Pleasant Clash of Cultures

2009-06-23T01:25:00.002-04:00

I almost blew a great event on Sunday because I was puttering around the house. Or maybe I should say, that I should stay a little more in tune with what is going on in the community where I live! Apparently our community was celebrating it's annual Multi-Cultural Event. Something I haven't seen since I moved to this fair city some years ago. It was a gorgeous day so I went for a walk. Not really sure if I had a definite destination in mind. My walk took me to the front of City Hall where there was some kind of a remote controlled Boat/Ship competition going on. I guess I missed that too but I did catch a glimpse of some of the entrants. Rather impressive.

Anyways, just down the street from there, in the hub of our fair city, lies Victoria Park. So named, in honour of Queen Victoria who ruled Britannia from 1837 until her death in 1901. Hence, the park and the huge statue of the Queen's likeness. Well, I heard music and saw throngs of people heading in that direction so, being a bit curious, I decided to check things out for myself. At the entrance to the park, people were crowded around a couple of new fountains cooling themselves down from the scorching heat. I will tell you how scorching later. Meanwhile, I continued strolling towards the sound stage where I began to see people all dressed up in costumes from their cultural homeland.

Along the perimeter of the grounds were tents set up of Cultural Groups selling some of their homeland product. The ladies would have had a field day with the variety of Jewelry and very colorful summer wraps. While at other tents and kiosks there was a smörgåsbord of tempting delicacy's from literally, all over the world. No need to worry about dinner tonight, I thought. I mosied around catching as many of the sites and sounds as possible. I even took a ton of pictures. Only to realize later when I got home that my shutter wasn't opening all the way on quite a few of the good shots, ruining them. However, I did manage to snap a few that I could share with you here.

There was one scene which epitomized this whole cultural event for me as clear as day. There in the grass, running back and forth, were two little boys, running carefree and happily playing with each other. Oblivious to the colour of each others skins, origin or background. Just being children. I think more adults should have been paying better attention to that little scene. All in all, it was a successful week end. Yup! It started on Saturday so I missed the first day. Oh well....I will remember for next year. As for the food, there was enough to feed a small country. There was Indian, Greek, Italian and Chinese as well as a wide variety from the Middle East, the Filipino's and the Caribbean. Actually it was endless. I settled for one plate from the Filipino's and brought home a combination of Indian and Greece. Believe me, I was well fed. There were a lot of pics so I will try to show you a little of everything.

Oh......almost forgot! About the scorching sun part. As you may have guessed, being a red head, I don't do sun very well. I like being in it but it definitely doesn't like me. I lost a little chunk of ear a few years back from skin cancer so I generally lather on the sun screen. I could feel the heat of the day and figured I would pay for this later. After resting a bit when I got home, I went to take a shower and all I could see in the mirror was some dude that looked like the colour of a lobster. Sorry.....no pic. I kind of draw the line in the sand on some things. You will have to use your imaginations for that one. Needless to say, I had a very enjoyable time and was more than satisfied.

Clock Tower in Victoria Park

Roast Piggy!

Shelter from the sun!

Goods for Sale!

A sign of the times!

Cooling Off!

Treasure Chest Fountain

Folk Dancers

More Folk Dancers!

(There were dancers from Romania, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Turkey. I can't remember the order they came out and don't want to chance a mistake.)

Literally a Multi-Cultural Group

African Artwork

A variety of Tea Pots

Little Darlings from China

Future Generations

Fun times!

Another shot of the Clock Tower

More African Art!

Don't these hats remind you of anything?

First Peoples

Chinese Dancer

The Parks namesake

Queen Victoria herself

One of my purchases

Tomorrow's Sunrise

2009-06-22T00:33:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow's Sunrise

Walking lazily

gratefully

towards the days

setting sun

Discreetly following

cottony white clouds

free-floating

Against the crimson backdrop

of an early

Summer Sky

Watching dreamily

as it dances

beyond

the distant horizon

Towards the sunrise

somebody else's

tomorrow.

by G. De Rouin
(aka: Bogey)
June 21, 2009 ©

Rainy, Random and Romantic

2009-06-20T23:00:00.001-04:00

It was bit of weird weather day today somewhat matching the quiet, melancholy mood that I woke up in. When I did crawl out of bed, it was to a steady stream of rain complete with dark, grey skies. My brain felt really tired this week for some reason, so it was a welcome relief not to have to run off this morning. It was busy that's for sure and there were a few extra long days in the office followed by some nights where sleep eluded me. It's funny how that happens sometimes. You go to bed exhausted, thinking sleep will quickly embrace you. But then, you find yourself watching the numbers tumble on the bedside clock. You do that a couple or three nights in a row and your brain gets tired, sensitive and mushy. I don't like a mushy brain because then I'm not sharp and prone to being on edge, snappy and sarcastic.

Needless to say, I started the day off at a slower, more deliberate and relaxing pace. Which conflicted, of course, with the plans I laid out for myself last night. There is a ton of work for me to do around here but I figure, 1) that it will still be there tomorrow. And 2) if I die before I wake, then I didn't waste today on it. So this morning, I did a little unhurried Blog reading while enjoying a couple of hot mugs of coffee and listening to Mr. Beaks perform his Morning Glory routine with his neighbourhood Birdie Buddies. Then I was blessed with a bit of a surprise that started to help me re-centre myself. I went to Rosaria's, sixtyfivewhatnow blog and read up on her family visit earlier this week. This was nice and pleasant in itself but then Rosaria introduced us to, “The Comforter's”, featuring her daughter Pia and son-in-law, Jason.

What a marvelous and enjoyable treat that was. I paid their website a visit, listened to the soundtracks from their CD and fell in love with “Lazy Sunday's”. The relaxing tunes prompted me to put in my order for a copy of my own which, I'm sure, I will enjoy immensely. Needless to say, I was enjoying my slow, lazy morning. The rain was still teeming outside as I watched it from my window. Then another nice surprise landed in a nearby Cedar Tree. A brilliant red Cardinal decided to drop by for a visit. He was stunning against the green leafy backdrop. I grabbed my camera and was lucky enough to get a couple of shots. He was being cooperative and didn't seem to be in too much of a hurry. I figured if he could tolerate the rain, with no side effects, then I doubted I was going to melt in it either! But just as I said that, the rain began to let up a little and the skies became a little brighter.

In the mood to for a bike ride, I figured I could tackle a couple of errands while I was out. The sun surprisingly poked it's head out for a few hours allowing me to get out for a few hours. I put about 20 kilometers under me and enjoyed the fresh air and music. On the way back, I heard a commotion coming from the Town Square and remembered that this was the day of our Country Music Fest. Thought about going for a look see, but it would have just dug up old bones I wasn't in the mood to visit again. My body was encouraging me to take a nap and so I allowed myself to succumb to the idea. Not sure exactly how long I was out but I did feel like sleeping longer than I did. But I'm glad I didn't.

When I cleared the sleep from my eyes, an old favourite movie was about to start. Random Harvest, a 1942 Classic starring Greer Garson and Ronald Colman. If you are a sucker for an old fashioned romantic movie, then I recommend this one very highly. You can go here to the Turner Classic Movie Database to get a complete overview of the movie. Well, those were the highlights of my lazy Saturday. I hope you all had an enjoyable one as well or maybe you will settle for a Lazy Sunday.

Loud Triggers

2009-06-18T01:46:00.002-04:00

Ever since I was a kid, listening to people yelling, either at me or around me, kind of became the norm. Add that to the fact that I grew up in a foster home and to be sure , you know that some sort of complication would arise somewhere down the line. Being treated less than, kind of grew weary, even for me. And to make matters worse being called a, “Son of a Whore” or, “you little Bastard” became all too familiar. Just for the record, my mother was married when I was born, so that doesn't make me a “Bastard”. But in the eyes of the “Caregivers” this was what I was, and I wore that cloak of shame silently. Somewhere deep inside of me, a dark, silent rage was growing but I carefully kept it bundled tight. Years passed. I spent a very short period of my life (8 months to be exact) living with my father, his then girlfriend and her two daughters. Needless to say, things were no better there. As a matter of fact, they were a little worse. One of my father's most famous lines was, “I brought you into this world...and I can take you right back out”. Couple that with the fact that he had loaded weapons in the house, and you tend to take that a little more seriously. There were a few times I wanted to intentionally provoke him just to see if he would do it. Maybe a little irrational, but my only thought was finding a permanent escape from the only kind of life I knew. And to me, that would have been welcome at the time.

I think this was around the time I started to develop what a friend would describe as , “The Death Look”. It's kind of like a hard, icy, venomous glare. It's like all those feelings that I consumed as a child and had kept tightly wrapped would emit some kind of a dark ray from my soul and through my eyes. This was my way of letting somebody know, very quietly, that they just crossed my boundaries and it's not acceptable. This was what I resorted to instead of yelling. First off, I don't do confrontations very well. If I speak up verbally, it's probably a good thing and I only do it if I feel like my inner child is being attacked. Certain people have had an unbelievable knack of knowing just exactly what buttons to push to send me off the deep end. Then, I absolutely lose it on them. My old boss was like that. He had a way of abusing his power and constantly making people feel like dirt beneath his feet. Whenever he would attack one of the people I was responsible for, I would confront him and lash out at him with a fury. Believe me, it's not something I'm proud of but I just couldn't stand watching his behavior go unchallenged. I paid for it with my job, but to me, it was worth it.

Whenever I hear yelling or even when I feel a confrontation coming on, I tend to get really, really quiet. It's like something inside of me is preparing for a storm and barricading the windows and doors. I felt like that for most of today because of an early morning incident at work. It had nothing to do with me personally, but just because I heard them yelling on the phone in such an abusive way, it kind of shut me down. At lunch, I brought it up with the person I overheard (I'm trying to be very discreet here) and asked them whether they thought that was appropriate behaviour. Their response was, “in this business it is”. They feel that some people deserve to be yelled at like that. That they are used to doing the yelling so he feels that it is necessary for him to balance it out. Well, I can honestly say that this particular person is not used to being yelled at either and somehow, I don't think he would accept that from anybody. It amazes me what some people find as accept in today's society. You would think by now we would have tried on the other persons shoes from time to time just to feel what it is like to suffer that kind of abuse.

There are other kinds of abuse that I find equally disturbing. One of them is the fine art of the mind game. There are so many formats for this particular game it is hard to keep track of them. Suffice it to say, some of the people who play this game, know exactly what the rules are and they generally play it with a win at all cost attitude. I've had this game played on me more than I care to discuss and needless to say there have been many severed friendships and relationships because of it. It's not always out in the open so at first you don't notice the subtleties but eventually there is a slip and whammo....nailed again. Of course there are innocent formats of the mind game and people tend to play that like a game of chess. But then there are the malicious versions whereby somebody is trying to gain the upper hand on an emotional level, playing a card that is downright mean. These are definitely people I could do very well to stay away from. I've done my damnedest to treat people the best way I know how . And that is how I too would like to be treated.

Personally, I don't think it is asking for too much, but in a society bent on preying on those who's defenses have been weakened by life, where do we draw the line in the sand? I can't understand why the fine art of honest, respectable communication has become a thing of the past. Why can't people just tell it like it is and be done with it? What has happened to the respect we should be showing each other whether in business or otherwise. Why must communication be performed at the decibel level of a Rock Concert? I know one thing, there are games that I have outgrown as a child and there are games I can do without as an adult.

Uber Amazing Blog! (?)

2009-06-16T21:01:00.005-04:00

The other night while doing my routine rounds, I discovered that James, from Newtown Daily Photo, had bestowed upon me this Uber Amazing Blog Award. This is James’ second blog site since he has moved from his original Texas blog, Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex. What I like about James’ Blog are the great photos he takes of the new community and the historical surroundings that he and his family now find themselves living in. This was typical of his other Blog, which he still manages to post plenty of historical photos of his old hometown surroundings. I encourage you to visit his sites and see for yourselves. I am grateful and appreciative to James for bestowing this Award on me and for continuing to follow along with me. James claims to be a man of few words but his photos speak volumes. Thanks James!

Uber (synonym to Super) Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who:

Inspire you

Make you smile and laugh, or maybe give amazing information

A great read

Has an amazing design

Any other reasons you can think of that make them Uber amazing!

The rules of this award are:

Put the logo on your blog or post.

Nominate at least 6 blogs

Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.

Share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

I am passing this award to the following 6 bloggers for their amazing blogs!

Audrey from: Stage 3! Who, me?

Cynthia from: Oasis Writing Link (OWL)

Lori from: Lori Times Five

Lori from: My Life Interupted

Michelle from: The Truth as I Know It

Natalie from: Musings From the Deep

Congrats Ladies! As you are aware, and considering you are all well versed in this Award stuff, you only have to participate if you so choose!

Words

2009-06-15T00:21:00.004-04:00

Words; even the word, words, is a word. Words are fascinatingly brilliant. They have meaning, truth, power and strength. Words can be descriptive, captivating, alarming, funny and sad. Words can be loving, cheerful and kind. But words can also be harmful, rude and destructive. We have our first words and our last words. Words can be written and words can be spoken, but once spoken, words can never be taken back. You can use words to make people smile or you can use words to make people cry. Words can be comforting and soothing. Or they can be heated and used in anger. Words can be icy, cold and distant. And words can be deceptive and manipulative. Words can be shared, traded and thoughtful. And words can be provocative, transformed and multiplied.

Words can be strung together or taken apart. Words can be poetic and lyrical. You can add music to the words and sing them. You can find words within words and create new words. There are Spiritual words, Religious words and healing words. There are words of forgiveness and even of hatred. Words can be whispered and secretive. There are even words to tell you what other words mean. Some words have more than one meaning, while other words sound the same but are spelled differently and are nothing alike. Words can be puzzling or misunderstood. Words can be used to sell things and they can be used to make you buy things. Words can be coded, transmitted or even televised. They can even be sent out into space.

Words can be written in dots and dashes, beeps and pulses. You can even use flags or smoke and even lights. They can be scrambled and scrabbled, boggled and criss-crossed. Even pictures represent a thousand words! Words can be spoken in hundreds of languages and dialects. Some words can even be understood by pets and animals. Other words can be inscribed, transcribed and even prescribed. Words can be haunting and frightening, even daunting and bold. Words can be used for you or against you. They can describe you and flatter you or mock you and laugh at you. Words can be enchanting, charming or devilish and devious. They can be cunning and baffling! Words can be sly and wry, witty and humbling.

There are people who have a way with words. Some people can say a lot with just a few words while others can waste words and say nothing at all. Words come easy to some people while others struggle to find words. Bloggers love words. They read them and write them and then they write more words if they like the words they read. They are sharing and caring and transported across this planet we call home. Words. The words come from our hearts, our souls and our funny bones, entangled with a myriad of emotions. Some of the words we read and write squeeze our heart so hard that our words are caught in our throats. We use these words to express how and what we are feeling. We don't always have the words to express why. Sometimes those words are just to difficult to get to. There are so many more things that I could express here but well, I have just run out of words!

Dinner Out

2009-06-12T01:03:00.005-04:00

Had a nice and pleasant evening tonight as I took a friend out to dinner to celebrate their birthday. We went to a local upscale restaurant called Solé. Solé's is situated in a 150 year old Seagram's Distilling building, minutes from our Uptown Core . Very close to the pictures I showed on our walk a few weeks back. The interior soars two stories high to a timber frame ceiling, exposed brick and generous wood finishes, setting the tone for an elegant yet casual experience. The walls of the restaurant were adorned with the art of Bianca D'Angelo who is a young aspiring local artist ready to confront the world with her art. Although this was somewhat planned, I didn't make reservations yet we were accommodated within minutes. And the food was fantastic.

Art of Bianca D'Angelo

I started off with pan seared sea scallops in a double smoked bacon and wild mushroom cream, garnished with shards of Parmesan cheese. The scallops were a little small but the sauce was unbelievably filled with flavour. Then I followed this up with a plate of Mixed Baby Greens... balsamic and olive oil, sun dried tomatoes, charred corn and toasted pine nuts. Then, for my main course I selected Medallions Of Pork Tenderloin... vanilla and saffron poached pear, port plum reduction and mashed sweet potato. The pear was centered in the middle of the plate making it quite the showy presentation. And, although I was pretty stuffed, we couldn't have a birthday celebration without a little cake. So we both indulged ourselves with a huge wedge of Carrot Cake coated in a creamy icing. Of course, I could barely move after that and was just looking forward to getting into some comfy clothing.

We ate in this room!

Interesting Pizza Oven

Well, tomorrow I get to work it all off! We have a planned recreational day tomorrow afternoon at work where we combine a bike ride with a canoe trip down one of our local rivers. Hopefully the weather cooperates. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday....and don't sweat the small stuff, 'cause it's all small stuff. Sometimes ;-)

Nice Copper Touches

High Vaulted Ceilings

For My Sake

2009-06-11T01:58:00.002-04:00

At some point in my life, I'm not exactly sure when, I stopped living for me. Not completely but a good portion of me surely did. Without knowing it, I became a people pleaser. A kind of 'Yes' man to anybody looking for something, whether it was money they wanted, a job done or a ride somewhere. Whatever, I just became an old reliable and that, was where the separation of me began. Something inside of me was looking for acceptance and wanting people to like me and it appeared that they liked me if I gave them what they were looking for. Regardless of how trivial. The same went with relationships. To me, happiness appeared when I was making the other person happy, or so it seemed. If I felt disappointed for some reason or another, I just pushed those feelings inside. I was going to say aside, but that wouldn't have been right. Inside, was indeed, more appropriate.

In some instances, such as birthdays, Christmas, Valentines or anniversary's, I went a tad overboard in trying to be a pleaser. Because I thought that if I gave more, I would be loved or liked more. For me, it was all about the reaction I would get. The instantaneous moment of joy upon the reveal. And of course, always trying to outdo myself the next time around. But I guess I was missing the point of what was happening and couldn't see the forest for the trees. It's just that now, I look back on certain events of my life and I see a lot of emptiness. Memories yes, for sure. But a lot more emptiness. Sometimes I punish myself with these memories and other times I am grateful for them. For in each remembrance, I am reminded that at least, I had those moments.

As the days peel away from the calendar and I approach that next milestone birthday, I sit back and take stock of the past almost 50 years. Like everybody, I have had my trials and tribulations and I have survived. But now, I no longer want to just survive. I want to be able to enjoy what the future has to offer me. But I want to be prepared for it. In the past 4 months I have become fully conscious of a lot of my own character defects and want to deal with them in an appropriate fashion. But, I also want to work on those things that have caused me to put myself second or third or last. I'm trying to be careful in a lot of ways. Being slow and deliberate. A lot of this writing has benefited me greater than I could have imagined. It forces me to confront things that I took as ordinary and normal. I have realized that there was nothing normal about it.

And finally, I have done a lot of reading. And I don,t just read for the sake of reading. Maybe I over think what it is I am reading sometimes but only because I want to give the author the respect deserved for the courage it took to share some of their journey with us. I have seen people become fearless in dealing with things that have scarred their hearts. When you see their words in print, that is all we see. The words. We can only imagine the journey they went on to get through to the essence of their pain. And yes, some of us can identify with those journeys but we each have that little bit of uniqueness that makes our stories exactly that, our stories. And their courage gave me the courage to reach within and deal honestly with the excess baggage I have carried. You see, I am doing this for me. So that I can continue to have days that I can laugh at myself and take care of me.

Silly, silly Me!

2009-06-09T23:13:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here looking at the clock at the bottom of my screen and the numbers are telling me that it is almost 11 p.m. Actually, I'm kind of stunned at the quickness of the past two days, which is why I am trying to catch my breath here a little. Last night I did not get home until after 10 p.m. And today, I was in the office at 6:45 a.m. and got home at just after 7 p.m. Yesterday, my day had a rather inauspicious start which kind of left me with an uneasy feeling of dread. I woke up early and went into the kitchen feeling refreshed from the weekend and began to put a pot of coffee on as is my customary morning ritual. Filling the pot with fresh cold water, carefully counting the scoops of coffee, then pouring the water into the reservoir, I hit the on button then proceeded to the shower. From the kitchen, I could hear the steamy, gurgling sounds emanating from the coffee maker as the aroma penetrated my olfactory senses.

The cleansing process complete, I head back into the kitchen to pour a fresh cup of morning glory. I stop dead in my tracks as I stare in stunned silence at what I see. There in front of me is a puddle of coffee, sizzling on the burner where the pot should be! Coffee still dribbling out from the now overflowing basket. I scratch my head in wonder and mutter to myself, "Where......the......hell........ is the %&#@*+? coffee pot?" Okay, so maybe I screamed a little. I quickly yank out the plug and proceed to clean up the mess before it gets any worse. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, only half out loud, " Okay dumb ass, what did you do with the coffee pot?"

So, I proceed to replay my early morning steps in my mind, the feeling of restfulness now totally annihilated. And the freshness of the hot, steamy shower nothing more than a distant memory. I put another coffee filter in the basket, count out more scoops of coffee and then stand there racking my brain. Where? I open the fridge door and take a peak inside. Nope, not there. Believe me, I've done crazier things! Then I proceed through the living room glancing around. Nothing. Into the bedroom, then the bathroom and still nothing!

I go back into the kitchen and lean against the counter and begin muttering. Okay, you filled the pot with water. No, no, no, that's not right. You filled the basket with coffee, then filled the pot with water. Poured it into the reservoir and flipped the switch. I start going through the motions just to satisfy my brain. Then you proceeded to the shower stopping by the linen closet to grab some fresh towels. My hand now rests on the door pull of the closet and I slowly pull it open. And there, sitting atop a pile of towels is the empty runaway coffee pot! All I can do is laugh at myself and wonder, "What's next"?

Now that I am running behind schedule, I dress quickly. Grabbing a T-Shirt that a friend picked up for me last week while they were in Atlanta, then booked it to the office. The day was moving quickly and I had some drawings ready for a clients review. A meeting was arranged for later that morning. I plotted off the drawings grabbed the file and had everything in the little boardroom. At around 11 a.m. the client comes in and the boss and myself present the drawings to the customer for review and discussion. With the business portion of the discussion out of the way I leaned back in my chair. The client did likewise then looked across the table at me and said, "I see you like to wear X-Large T-Shirts". I look back at him, puzzled by the comment, but nod politely. He then points to my chest where I look down to see the plastic strip indicating the size still neatly tattooed to the T-Shirt! Brilliant! Again, all I can do is laugh at myself and of course the client and my boss joined in. What else are you going to do?

Inviting people to laugh with you while you are laughing at yourself is a good thing to do. You
may be the fool, but you're the fool in charge.
~ Carl Reiner

I AM

2009-06-07T18:17:00.005-04:00

I dance

beneath

a warm blanket of stars

side stepping shadows

cast

from the beams

of a full

Spring Moon

I sing

meaningless songs

with no lyrical

rhyme

to unrehearsed tunes

played by

bouquets of

Golden Winged Warblers

I dream

of places unseen

unspoiled

by life's cruel carnage

endless

and bountiful

but only

seen in a dream

I weep

for tormented Angels

helpless

alone in despair

silently

reaching out

to those with

lost souls

I sleep

connected

without shame

in my Spirits embrace

grateful

and humbled

in all that

I am

by G. De Rouin

(aka: Bogey)

June 07, 2009 ©

June 6, 2001

2009-06-06T06:00:00.006-04:00

At precisely 6 a.m. in the morning, on this day exactly 8 years ago, I held my mother's hand as her heart beat for the very last time. She died from her excesses; cigarettes, alcohol and a mangled heart. When she died, my mother took with her any guilt, shame and remorse she may have felt for the way things were so long ago. There is no doubt in my mind that the alcohol was her way of numbing any of those feelings out. As I sit here reflecting on these things now, I think of the burden she carried within her heart. A burden my father long ago dismissed from his consciousness in the same fashion he dismissed his responsibility as a parent.

I cannot speak for my siblings nor will I as I have not spoken to them in many, many years. As a child, you endure. You do what you have to in order to survive. What you don't know is that you are causing a certain amount of self-inflicted wounds that may or may not be treated for years. But as you grow older, understanding, empathy and forgiveness are not part of your vocabulary. Why would they be? In your young brain and heart you felt abandoned and unloved. So, as you grew older, you wanted to pay back in kind the same feelings of neglect and rejection, real or imagined. The complete lack of understanding and communication probably prevented any chances of reconciliation and healing. Pride certainly played a part in these events as well as my defiant thinking. In my head it was, " Why should you be the one to extend the proverbial olive branch".

I am older now and have spent some time reflecting on my life and the life my mother led. When I think of this, I believe my mother new at a certain level that this was retribution from her children and she accepted it. Albeit not without adding to her own suffering by turning to alcohol. I wish I could turn back time and help to change the way things were. But I know that I can't. All I can do is accept it. I realize now that it did not have to be like that. But when you are living in the moment, the consequences seem unimportant at the time. When you realize how precious few days we have on this earth you wonder why we do the things we do to each other.

My memories of my mother have softened and I remember more of the good things about her. The times I did visit with her she treated me as her son. Not as a guest who stopped by for a visit. I remember her generosity and the way she loved to laugh. Her laugh was loud and piercing almost like a scream. One funny story I will always remember was during one of our early Christmas visits. My mother lived on the ground floor of this particular apartment building. You walked into the foyer up the steps and off to a small corridor on the left hand side to her apartment. The layout on the right mirrored that image. So my mother and her neighbour shared a common living room wall.

Well, the night we came to visit, the neighbours were having a huge gathering. They were celebrating the festive season and I'm sure a fair amount of alcohol was consumed. As the hours wore on, the din coming from the other side of the wall did not subside so my mother at first began to bang on the wall. Without success, she decided to pay the neighbours a visit and see if they could come to some sort of amicable agreement. Nothing doing. Huge mistake on their part. You see, while she went over to have this discussion, she noticed that there were better than 20 pair of boots lined outside the neighbours apartment. So, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she called forth her little army. That would be my brother, my sister and of course moi!

Well, the 4 of us snuck across the adjoining hall over to the neighbouring corridor. First we began to collect the winter boots which were lined up like little soldiers. We then marched them to the steps where we began to fling them into the lobby throwing them every which way. I can't be sure whether any of them made it out into the middle of the street. Anyways, we returned to my mother's apartment turned off most of the lights and waited for the fireworks to start. If didn't take long and the angry outbursts emanating from the lobby caused us all to shriek with laughter with my mother leading the way. I know it wasn't right but it's my memory and I want to look at it from the funny side of things.

As I age, I am sure that my memories will continue to soften and I will have put all of the pain aside. Once it is out, it doesn't make sense to hold onto it as tightly. The way I look at things now is that everybody who reads this carries a little piece of this for me so the burden doesn't seem to be as harsh as I do for you. While waiting for the viewing to be prepared, I went to St. Joseph's Oratory in Montréal where she lived. I walked thru the opulent shrine and found my way to the gift shop. I saw these tiny Rosary Beads with a small Crucifix. The beads were like an Emerald Green, my mothers favourite color. I bought three of them and then headed back to the funeral parlour. There I met the Priest and asked him to bless the Rosary's which he did. I gave one to my sister and one to the funeral director. I told him that after the cremation was completed I wanted the Rosary placed in the urn with her ashes and then buried. The picture above are the ones I keep hanging on my desk. From time to time, I hold them in my hand and make the connection with my mother and know that she is now at peace.

Warts and All

2009-06-05T02:06:00.001-04:00

Everybody develops their own little idiosyncrasies, habits, likes and dislikes and things that well, just piss us off, over a lifetime. It has become part of our character. Who we are and in some ways, how people see us. Not necessarily how we want them to see us; but then, that is out of our control now isn't it. Too be sure, we probably have a few characteristics of ourselves that we try and cover up never to see the light of day. For me to say that I have defects of character would be an understatement. Some of these defects of character probably get under the skin of other people. Sometimes that concerns me, if I like those people and wish they would say something to me. If I don't like the people, then I could care less. I'm just that way and I guess that too, is part of my character. I'm most certainly not perfect and would never claim to be. Below is a random list of things that have become well, me;

my day never starts without coffee
when I was a kid the phrase "do it right the first time" was beaten into me

which made me some kind of perfectionist and prone to procrastination (go figure)

I do not leave the house without a shower (unless it's under the cover of darkness and I'm in disguise)

I'm a shower kind of guy but I do love a good relaxing soak in a bubble bath

I make my bed and prefer it that way

when I'm angry, my mouth gets rather colorful and descriptive

I generally say what I'm thinking (not always good)

I love children and enjoy their spirit

If I like you, I trust you
If I don't like you, I never will

I love the sound of nature (except loud assed crows)

I hate the sound of lawn mowers, unless I'm pushing it

I hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner

Dusting and vacuuming are necessary evils

I use the vacuum to do the dusting

my desk is a reflection of how I am feeling

right now it's a freaking mess!

I'm generous to a fault

I am extremely private

which makes me wonder why I open up on these pages

some movies make me weepy, so I do

I have more clothes than I need

I own about 100 pairs of socks (don't ask)

I love to cook and eat

I need to lose weight because I like to cook and eat

I hate having to wear glasses now

I think naps are a good thing

my sarcasm can be very biting (working on that too!)

My eyes betray me

I love with everything I have

I hurt the same way

I don't like people I don't know to touch me

I like being hugged by people I do like

can't stand people who touch their mouths then want to shake my hand

I lie and tell them I'm sick and don't want to spread my germs

I apologise when I am wrong

I'm wrong a lot

I never apologise when I am right

I don't like when people waste my time

I can do that on my own

compliments are hard to take (I don't understand that)

I am actually very shy

I have great sense of humour

I think I've said enough and am going to bed

Not planning to re-read this just in case I decide to delete stuff or continue to add stuff. You all can add to the list if you want. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday wherever you are and are enjoying whatever you are doing !

Sorry.....Access Denied

2009-06-03T23:16:00.000-04:00

Usernames, passwords, security codes, alarm codes, door codes....the list appears endless! And quite frankly, it's driving me just a bit loopy. Even if you want to order Pizza online, you require a username and password. For Pizza! Sheesh! I can't even recall how long ago all of this started but lately I have been trying to corral all of this information so I can control it better. Even credit cards now have special pin numbers you must enter so you can use your card. The reason I got the cards in the first place was so I could just sign and go! But now, you go into a restaurant or buy a purchase and the procedure is the same as if you were using your bank card. Only, it's a different number and password.

A few weeks ago, I went out to play golf. I was in the Pro Shop picking up a few other things and pulled out a credit card to pay. The guy stuck my card in the bottom of his machine, handed it back to me to enter my code and I went blank! I couldn't remember the stupid number. I've used the card, Lord knows how many times but do you think that I could remember those all important digits? Uhhh no would be the correct answer for that one! Fortunately, I yanked out another card which all I had to do was sign for it. Embarrassing.......just a little. If I want to check my bills online, I need a username and password to do so. In some instances passwords are case sensitive. So now, if I try to create a typical password, it's not always possible.

What started this you may be asking yourself? Well tonight, I was trying to pay a bill. It is a new one and so I had to enter it into the Bill Payment information section. So, even though I was already on my account page, when I tried to add this new bill, guess what they wanted me to do? You guessed it; they wanted some special pin number I was supposed to remember I had for adding payees. Frik! Don't even get me started on points cards!

I've got gas cards, video cards, grocery cards, credit cards, air miles, aero plans, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I would imagine that after using these cards for oh, say at least the past 5 plus years, that I would have amassed a certain amount of points in many of these categories. All I have to do is go online, check out how many points I have accumulated and reap the rewards for my many years of loyal patronage. Only one little problem............I can't remember my access information!

....out of the Blue!

2009-06-03T01:52:00.000-04:00

Every now and then,when the world sits just right, a gentle breath of heaven fills my soul with delight...
~Hazelmarie ‘Mattie’ Elliott, A Breath of Heaven

Woke up this morning and instantly felt comfortable in my skin. A rarity for sure. The fact that I woke up period, probably helped a little! I don't know what it was, nor do I really care. I just wish I could feel like that more often. It could have been the way I felt last night before going to bed. Like my heart was swollen with an appreciation for the things I heard. The things I read and the things I felt. Who knows! All I know is, I felt at peace.....I still do. If I could only save some of this for a rainy day.

Deciding to walk instead of ride, I bounced down the streets. My earbuds
firmly planted in my ears listening to Johnny Reid's, 'Out of the Blue' making my heart dance. My lips mouthing the lyrics, I felt like singing aloud. The only thing stopping me was the probability of being arrested for disturbing the peace. Would have put a damper on my mood too! So, I just did the old lip sync routine instead. The day went by smoother than I expected. Another plus. I even stuck around for about a half hour after everybody had left just enjoying the tranquility. There is something to be said about an empty office and the urge to continue working. Did that for too many years though and now know better so I packed up and left.

Even the chaos that is my kitchen didn't bother me when I got home. (That's only good 'cause I can still find the coffee maker) I checked my mail. Listened to Beaks giving me crap. Had a wee chat ;). Whatever it was I was feeling was still there! I uploaded a special CD of a kind of motivational speaker I heard in April. Then put on a pair of shorts and went hunting for something to eat. Vietnamese. Good, but I've had better. They kind of goofed on my order a bit but that didn't even put a wrinkle in my skin.

I don't know people. I'm just going to accept it for what it is and pray that I don't split a seam in my dreams! So, give your skin a shaking and have yourselves a wonderful day!

The Attitude of Gratitude

2009-06-02T00:12:00.002-04:00

You may remember me saying that Monday's are always the longest day of the week for me. I usually leave home a little after 7 in the morning and often don't get home until around 9:30 in the evening. Today seemed just a little longer because I had a working lunch so the brain was "on" pretty much all day. Which is probably a good thing. Right? Okay, before you think that this is me moaning and groaning again, stop. I'm not. Before I head out to my other Monday commitments, I quickly stop by to ensure Mr. Beaks is still beaking. I figure, if people can do it for their dogs and cats well, I can do it for my Birdie! Anyways.....I chat him up a bit, fresh water, food and I'm gone again.

So I start mingling with the different people I would be meeting with and during the exchanges a very interesting theme arises. At least to me. One after the other, each person I spoke to was relaying to me something that was going on in their lives that was leaving them feeling frustrated. They all appeared to have the same symptom of being emotionally bankrupt. After listening to the third or fourth person, I began to wonder if they were all living under the same roof and had eaten from the same bowl. But in their telling, they also expressed the gratitude they were feeling. They were feeling gratitude because they each recognized where they were on an emotional and intellectual level. And, how they managed the issues at hand instead of letting the issues paralyze them. I am a terrible blogger buddy on Monday's due to the long day. However, the few posts I managed to squeeze in today smacked of gratitude. Some kind of a Divine Theme Day me thinks!

I keep promising myself that I am going to go to bed at a reasonable hour. But then, I come home and regurgitate all of what is tumbling in my brain and try to put it in some kind of recognizable order. Today, the gratitude I was feeling was in the fact that these people felt comfortable enough that they could share their emotional baggage with me. Yet, somehow know that I would be there to listen to them. One lady I was speaking with said that being able to have somebody listen every once in awhile was better than getting a prescription from the Doctor. And finally, another lady was saying that some days she felt like a bag of Diamonds and other days a bag of rocks. My answer to her was, "empty the bag of rocks on the table and give them a good polish, you never know which one of them may be Gems!"

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven."
Johannes A. Gaertner

Can I help you?

2009-06-01T00:08:00.001-04:00

Whenever I go shopping, regardless of what I want to buy, I prefer going to the store, hunting down my objective and getting out as quickly as possible. Today however, I was entertaining homicidal thoughts (imaginary, not real for those of you ready to dial 911). It was a nice sunny Sunday afternoon, so after a long and very delicious brunch I wanted to do some investigative furniture shopping. I wasn't 10 feet in the store when this tall, thin and lanky sales woman almost tackled me in the foyer. "Hello, my name is Carol. Is there anything I can help you with?" Yup, I thought, a little breathing space would be nice. Her quick approach made me think that she was working on commission. So, as politely as I could, I let her know that my being there was just to look around and to get some ideas. Should I need her help I would come and get her.

Less than five minutes later, I was looking at some accessory's hanging on a wall and was just lifting the tag to scope out the price of something. Next voice I hear is Carols, who managed to sneak up behind me, telling me that they have a great collection of blah, blah, blah! Smiling politely, but thinking otherwise, I acknowledged her comment with a curt nod. She reminded me that her name was Carol and if I needed any help wah, wah, wah! She acted like some addict looking for her next fix. It was getting positively freaky!

The way this store was laid out was kind of interesting. It was like moving from one honeycomb to another. Except now, I was on the lookout for the Queen Bee. I began to peek into the next show room as a precaution in the hopes of eluding Ms. Carol. I would kind of give it a quick scan, rotating my body as I checked my flank to ensure there was no repeat attack from the rear. I moved cautiously now as I got closer to the exit and freedom. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her in the distance and felt a momentary relief. One room to go. Nice stuff I thought, may have to come back....whoa! What was I thinking! I turned to leave and there standing in the foyer by the door was, you guessed it, Ms. Carol. "Didn't see anything you like?", she asked. In my head I responded, "Yup...the door". I just shook my head no, and sidled out the door into the sunshine and freedom.

Like seriously! I know they are trying to make a living and more power to them. But for the love of God, can people not just walk about at their own leisure without being stalked like prey by some big game hunter. Do they not understand that we are quite capable of looking and touching and capturing ideas without help. Believe me, if I wanted to ask any questions, I would have been quite prepared to ask them. Have you run into similar situations whereby you are just in a browsing mood but are constantly ambushed by a team of sales guerrillas? How do you deal with them and are your methods legal?

A Battle of Wills

2009-05-31T00:27:00.000-04:00

This morning I was chatting with a friend of mine whom I have known for about 14 years. The conversation eventually focused on his younger daughter, who is now in her early thirty's. Throughout the past, oh, I don't know, maybe 5 to 8 years, we have had this same conversation probably 3 to 4 times a year. The major focus is his daughter's penchant for the party type lifestyle. Believe me, I understand what he is talking about and most of the time he just uses me as a sounding board and I'm fine with that. But, every now and again, I have to kind of reign him in a little because he generally forgets that he can't live her life for her. Nor can he impose his will upon her. I think he is realizing, that as he gets older, he is running out of time to try and corral her. And she, being a bit of a free spirit, will be damned if she would stay still long enough to let that happen. It almost ended very tragically around 3 years ago when she totalled her car on the way back from visiting friends . She was very lucky that she was wearing her seat belt. Needless to say, he has been trying to make it his mission ever since.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to protect your children, in fact, I encourage it. However, there are certain things in life that you cannot force upon people. They have to want it. The more he pushes her, the more she balks. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that she will ever admit to having a problem to begin with. So it kind of becomes a moot point. I've actually been privy to some of the wars of will and it was never pretty. The louder they screamed at each other, the smaller their ears got. Although words were coming out of their mouths, the dialogue ended as they let loose the first volleys. So, every now and again, she will do something stupid, he will try and impose his will on her and the stalemate remains the same. Pretty sad.

Our community has a number of facilities that deal with treatment for substance abuse. One of these groups sent around a letter seeking donations to help with additional funding. On the top of the sheet, the byline read, "10,000 local teens struggle with addictions!" It continued to deliver it's push for funding but I was jolted by the statistics it presented.

"25% of local high school students admitted they had a drug use problem when
surveyed by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in 2007."

What they were saying was that about 10,000 of the 43,000 secondary students in the region are struggling with substance abuse. We're just talking about kids between the ages of 14 and 18 here! This is mind boggling. If this is typical of every community within our Province (plus or minus) and then you add up the averages across the country, I would say we have some serious issues on our hands. It makes me think of a comment I made sometime earlier. I really don't see what the huge rush is to become adults. What is wrong with just trying to be a child for awhile. Why do kids feel the need to be "all grown up" before they are ready?

As for my friend and his daughter, knowing more than I can tell you, there are issues other than what is seen on the surface. If she can't begin to get to those issues and deal with them in a healthy fashion, it could be years before either of them can enjoy anything more than superficial happiness.

Rainy Day Feelings

2009-05-29T00:10:00.000-04:00

Weather sure has been in a bit of a mood lately! Kinda puts a bit of a damper on a lot of peoples souls. I'm not really complaining about the weather as such. Only because in a few months time, I will have the chance to hit the markets and enjoy the bounty that these rains will bring. So there is a bit of a trade off. I do have to admit though, after seeing nothing but grey skies and endless rivers of rain gushing down the streets, my desire to cook dinner tonight was, shall we say, non-existant. So, being somewhat of a survivalist, I settled for this......

Which brings me back to my first thought. Sometimes I read a blog where the words tug at a heart string. Earlier tonight I read a post from Lisa which said in part,

"i realise of course, that to many I love

i am a major disappointment
they have this image of me see,
that i cant possibly fulfill..........
because my days of being what you want me to be
instead of what i want to be
are long gone
never to return
I am a woman grown"

This of course, reminded me of an old poem by Peter "Dale" Wimbrow Sr. called The Man In The Glass. However, I think this poem could be read from either perspective with a few word changes here and there. But I think it applies to all of us. What do you think?

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people may think your a straight-shootin' chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Have a great Friday all!

Headin' to town...wanna come?

2009-05-28T00:20:00.001-04:00

Follow me!

Some of the Hood!

Flowering Tree

Just follow the tracks!

A little Lilac Bush...

....and a little Black Squirrel!

Just around the bend...I swear!

A bit of a breeze!

Taking care of the Homestead!

A walk in the Mall

Coffee anybody...it's on me!

Tickling the Ivories!

Some outdoor shops !

Some of the Main Drag....

...a little more downtown...

...and a little more!

Shop Window

Can you read the sign?

I bought this!

Ms. Toast Burner...it has those funny pages!

Oh Audrey...there's a sale on Christmas Yarn!

For pampered pooches!

Some Olde Heritage!

Mennonite Chapel

Heading back home....

...almost there!

So I can eat this!

Thanks for tagging along.......Have yourselves a wonderful day!

Thanks Audrey...with gratitude

2009-05-26T17:29:00.003-04:00

The Noblesse Oblige Award

First I want to apologize to Audrey, just in case you were thinking that I was ignoring your kindness for bestowing me with this Noblesse Oblige Blog Award. Nothing of the sort. And I guess, similar to the way you were thinking, I was scratching my head wondering why you would pass this on to me which required some additional thinking. But, also like you, it won't prevent me from giving it a quick polish and hanging it up on the wall! For those that don't know Audrey, this is how I would describe her. A woman of courage, intelligence, humour and wit who, despite being faced with the realities of a life threatening disease, has decided to share her journey with the blogging community. Audrey has shared the experiences she has had in dealing with the medical community, the literature she has read and the knowledge that was gained from the experience of others. A remarkable woman who has continued to appreciate all that life has to offer. (Insert applause here and take a bow Audrey)Thank you very much for the recognition Audrey. It is truly appreciated. Big Bear Hugs to ya!

Details of the Noblesse Oblige Award:

The recipient of this award is recognized for the following:

The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervade amongst different cultures and beliefs.
Their Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage, and offers solutions.
There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Cultures, Sciences and Beliefs.
The Blog is refreshing and creative.
The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.

The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following:

Create a post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
The Award conditions must be displayed at the Post.
Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved - preferably citing one or more older posts as support.
The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
The Blogger must display the Award at any location at their Blog.

Believe me, when I started this froth, I was not thinking about awards. Just about writing and getting in touch with me, my feelings, my thoughts and how these things made me tick. This blog has no definitive agenda. Sometimes memories dictate what I write, some good, some maybe not so good. Other times it could be that something gets triggered, opening a wound which requires a suture or two. Or, it could be what is going on in society; the laurels and brickbats. It may even be what is going on in our own backyard. For years, most of what I am writing about has been locked inside of me living up to the old stereotype whereby men do not show, let alone share their emotions. The cost for bottling up these emotions and the damage incurred is immeasurable. Remember that every time you look at one of your sons and you see him staring off into another world, for he may be wishing that is where he wants to be. I have come to realize that I too, deserve to be happy and if writing helps me to achieve that, then so be it.

Here is where I have to wholeheartedly concur with Audrey, the Blogging community, with which I have come to know and love has been extremely supportive, caring and dare I say loving. Not only does it feel like I have so many new friends but given the number of women who follow this mish mash, it feels like I have gained the insight of sisters that I didn't know I had. My goal with this blog is to hopefully help those who feel that they have wrapped their Inner Child like a mummy, to find a way to unravel the bandages, let the scars heal and embrace them. It is that inner child within all of us that allows us to blossom into better, stronger, wiser, more compassionate and more empathetic human beings. I would like to envision this blog sharing as though we were all assembled on a beach, circled around a huge bonfire, sparks climbing to meet the stars. Complete with music, marshmallows, hot dogs and your beverage of choice. (I'll have a San Pellegrino with a lime wedge) Sharing our sorrows with tears and hugs; and our happiness with laughter and joyousness. If anything, I just hope to create an atmosphere whereby if you come here to read, that it also makes you think.

And now, with this wee disclaimer, this Award appears on many a blog which I visit and I could and would bestow it upon them yet again. However, I am going to present it to only two recipients for the time being, reserving the right to add to this list in the future. And they are:

Michelle Frost of Crow's Feet (check out her blog and tell me I'm wrong!)
Lori of My Life Interupted (the reason are obvious)

Manic Monday!

2009-05-25T21:31:00.003-04:00

Kind of wondering here why it is one day I could be feeling like I'm walking on a cloud, (without the help of any mind altering drugs I might add). Then the next day, I'm feeling like I'm walking in some dark, dank, endless tunnel. Where the only sound I hear is the blood gurgling through my brain, beating on the inside of my skull like John Bonham pounding on his Pearls! My chest is tight almost like somebody reaching in and squeezing my heart. I can't explain it! When I left this morning, the sun was shining against a brilliant blue background and the air was crisp and fresh. And for some reason, it went down hill from there! Not work so much, just my mood!

By lunch time I was feeling like a freaking bear. Any unnecessary noise began to irritate me and then, to me at least, it all became unnecessary. The office chit chat suddenly became annoying and I felt like I was going to snap. Tried to blog hop a bit at lunch but the brain was pre-occupied so, just in case I said anything stupid to anybody today, I apologize. After lunch was no better. Had a scheduled meeting for 4 o'clock and was trying to put the last touches on a job which I was going to need. Normally I thrive on this kind of stuff. I prefer being busy and can usually juggle quite well, when my brain is functioning properly. I just felt like I was balancing on the edge for some reason. It almost felt like a panic attack and I just wanted out.

Hung around for an extra hour or so tonight just to map out tomorrow. It's just a little bit better when fewer people are around crashing in on my bad mood. Had another meeting scheduled for 8 pm which was going well for the most part. Then, while I was speaking somebody cut in and broke my train of thought. Not good! Like I've said, I don't hide my emotions too well. My eyes said what I knew my mouth shouldn't. Less damaging that way. Monday's are always long and normally I don't care. Today, it just felt like I wanted to be somewhere else......anywhere else!

Everyday Treasures

2009-05-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

Everyday Treasures

Another day over and more treasures for my heart,
That did not exist before this day had its start.

It’s amazing to me that they could even exist,
When I open my eyes and try not to resist.

A hug or a smile, a hand held with care.
A shoulder to cry on; all moments to share.

Often overlooked or even taken for granted,
Like seeds in a garden, one forgets they had planted.

The special people who will share in your pain,
Who will show you your worth and what you can gain.

Whose laughter is catching and fills you with joy,
Like a child at play with their favourite toy.

I have these treasures because you all helped me to see
The things that are important and what matters to me.

By G. De Rouin
May 24, 2009 ©

The Envelope Pleeeease!

2009-05-24T18:12:00.004-04:00

Just in case anybody thought I was shirking my responsibilities in regards to the recent 'Honest Scrap' award bestowed upon me by Michelle, I thought I would tidy that up a little right now. Actually, it has been a tad difficult to fulfill the requirements if only because most of the blogs I follow have already won it! So, what I am going to do is cheat a little and reduce the number to six (6) recipients. However, I believe those six individuals do hold the required criteria. (I'm actually trying to make it easier for the next recipients. Shhh.) (Honest enough for ya' all) I have already fulfilled the criteria somewhere below (I think) so I will just re-post the rules again.

The rules of this award are:
1. You must brag about the award.
2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3. You must choose a minimum of six (6) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog
5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.

And so, in no particular order here are the next recipients;

1) Lori, of (My Life Interrupted) You can't get more honest than this lady.

2) Ms Toast Burner, of (One Slice at a Time) For not letting me forget that 'I am Canadian' eh!

3) Winnifred, of (I'm Trying, Honestly) The title speaks for itself.

4) Ai Shiang, (It's Raining Ice Cream) 'cause I like Ice Cream!

5) Gene Hilton, (Gene Hilton Photography) Because I think the way he looks thru the lens is comparable to the way an artist looks at a blank canvas)
6) James, (Newtown Daily Photo) For letting me see parts of Americana that I may never get a chance to see.

Congrats to all. And of course, you only have to participate if you so choose!

...and this little Piggy...

2009-05-23T15:19:00.005-04:00

Well according to the Chinese Zodiac I'm a Pig. Never mind how polite Blogger noted that I was a Boar (not a bore people) when I checked that zodiac box in the whatchamacallit. Let's face it, a Pig is a Pig there are no two ways about it. Believe it or not, I love being me and I love being a Pig! Which kind of explains why I collect some of the little dudes.

Me.....at play!

Me....tyin' on the old feed bag!

Me....goin' gaga! (Probably the early '80's)

Me....ahem,uh do I need to spell it out people!

If you don't know and want to check out what they say about you and your sign, visit here.

If you care to read, this is what they say about me...........ahem, I mean Pigs. Let me know if you think they nailed it!

Personality
Occupying the last position in the Chinese Zodiac, the 12th, the Pig symbolizes such character traits as diligence, compassion, and generosity. Pigs enjoy life and because they are entertaining, others enjoy their company. Pigs are giving souls and reap much enjoyment when they’re helping others, but sometimes they give too much. Honesty is what Pigs give and it’s what they expect to receive in return.

Pigs seek peace and will do what is necessary to maintain it. This trait, while admirable, sometimes makes it easy for others to take advantage of Pigs. Pigs are always doing for others, helping anyway they can, but rarely will they ask others for help. This can overwhelm and stress them, but Pigs don’t mind.

When it comes to money, Pigs enjoy spending more than saving. They gravitate towards name brand items. Thriftiness happens only occasionally, but Pigs do know how to find great deals.
Health
Always seeking fun, Pigs often indulge more than they should. Excessive eating, drinking and smoking can cause sickness. Pigs aren’t very active and, combined with their excessive behaviors, cause them to gain weight. Pigs are social and being alone makes them unhappy. Pigs would benefit from adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Career
Pigs enjoy helping at work and can always be counted on. They enjoy opportunities that allow them to express their creativity. Pigs are detail-oriented, a trait admired by management. Pigs aren’t afraid to take on responsibility. Some good career choices for Pigs include: entertainer, caterer, doctor, veterinarian, or interior decorator. They’d do well in retail or hospitality.
Relationships
Supportive and giving, Pigs make great partners. They’re affectionate and sexual and prefer staying home to going out. They enjoy what they have, especially their home and family. Once they find the right partner, they’re typically committed for the long-term.
Pigs and the 5 elements
Metal Pigs – Years 1911 and 1971
Metal Pigs have a tough exterior, and this strength can be seen in all areas of life. They work diligently and love with all they have. They’re outspoken and trust others right away.
Water Pigs – Years 1923 and 1983
Water Pigs are trustworthy almost to a fault. Others can easily influence Water Pigs, but Water Pigs are also good at influencing others to get what they want. They’re extremely social and enjoy having a good time.
Wood Pigs – Years 1935 and 1995
Wood Pigs are the most helpful and are always seeking ways to work with others. In fact, they’ll help others even when others say help isn’t necessary. Big hearts and strong minds characterize Wood Pigs.
Fire Pigs – Years 1947 and 2007
The fire in Fire Pigs comes through in everything they do. They’re gutless risk-takers and once they put their minds to something, it’s all or nothing. That applies to work, romance and goals. Fire Pigs make excellent leaders and bosses.
Earth Pigs – Years 1959 and 2015
Earth Pigs are most content at home, with family. They never approach a task without first formulating a plan. Earth Pigs are better at being led than being a leader.
Compatibility
Pigs are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat and incompatible with the Monkey and Snake.

The Eyes Have It

2009-05-22T17:55:00.007-04:00

Don't you just love going to the Eye Doctor and having your pupils dilated. It was my turn today. Oh joy! And of course, the sun was just bright enough to make seeing just a little bit more unbearable when I was done. Actually, I've had to go regularly for almost 14 years. Some years ago, an old friend accidentally scratched the pupil on my left eye with their finger nail. When I went to the local Hospital's Emergency Department, a specialist just so happened to be on duty. After my eye was taken care of, I was to go for a follow up at his office some time later. The treatment worked and my eye healed with no telltale signs hampering my eyesight.

However, on subsequent visits, he decided to measure the pressure on my eyes. Then he asked if our family had a history of Glaucoma. I vaguely remembered and Aunt or somebody in the family who was diagnosed with it. I really didn't know what Glaucoma was so he explained it to me in laymen,s terms. At first, he just wanted to monitor the pressure in my eyes just as a precaution and so I only saw him once a year. After awhile he prescribed eye drops which I have to put in my eyes before bed every night. That has been going on for Lord knows how long. Today, he wasn't happy with the pressures in my eyes. Specifically my left eye. The reading was around 39. Which is high I guess. So another prescription on top of the already existing drops.

Seeing is important to me. There are too many important things I would miss should I lose my sight. So of course I am going to follow Doctor's orders in the hopes that this will stabilize. In all other ways, I've been lucky with my eyesight. I didn't need glasses up until a few years ago when I found out I had astigmatism. Which annoys the hell out of me by the way. At first I had bi-focals so that I can see the computer and normal range things and the lower half of the lens was for reading things when I looked down. This became necessary because my arm was no longer long enough. Originally I just bought a pair of readers which were great for the computer. I still use those and for a very good reason. Now I have tri-focals! Part of the lens is for normal viewing, another part for computer distance and the bottom for the astigmatism.

When I first got the glasses, seeing was a bit of a trick. I couldn't just move my eyes I had to move my whole freaking head with them. I work on a computer every day. It's part of my job. Anybody not knowing about my glasses and watching from a distances would think my head was on a roller ball as I tried to figure out what part of the lens to look through. They now rest comfortably in the nice little glass case they came in until I need them. I've gone back to the readers and they work just fine, thank you very much.

Anyways, there is a bit of a point to all of this. Glaucoma is one of those diseases of the eye that you are generally not aware of until it is too late. If anybody in your family has it, have your eyes checked as a precaution as soon as you can. If caught early, the treatment may help prevent the onset or worsening of this disease for years to come. Do some research for your own sakes. Memory's of things seen is nice but remember, seeing is believing.

Autumn Memory

2009-05-22T00:13:00.000-04:00

The leaves had already turned various shades of oranges and yellows and had begun to loosen themselves from the trees. The air was cool and crisp and you could already smell winter in the air. The setting sun, which was setting quicker each evening, was now directly in my face as we headed due west to spend a week at the cottage. This was my favourite time of the year. Autumn! Nothing pleased me more, already knowing that the regulars had long packed up and were now gone until the next year. Happy tunes danced out of the speakers and the music began it's therapy on my stressed out soul. I could feel the tension releasing itself from my shoulders as my hands loosened their grip on the steering wheel. I glanced over at my beloved and smiled softly.

My mind drifted to slow, lazy mornings accompanied by huge mugs of piping hot coffee. Lounging side by side on the deck chairs wrapped in a heavy blanket watching the sun bounce off of the water below. Not a care in the world as though we were the only two on the planet. Time to watch the chipmunks and squirrels grabbing there share of the peanuts which we left scattered here and there. We had our favourite, of course, whom we aptly named Red Butt, for the deep red coloured fur on his backside. And time to walk along the empty beach, listening to the echos of the summer past. Oh, how the time does seem to slip away.

I snapped back to reality as I recognized the telltale landmarks scattered about. Turning onto the final little stretch, knowing we would get there just in time to catch the final glimpse of the setting sun fade into the water across the lake. It didn't disappoint as it sank below the distant horizon leaving behind an array of colours that only Mother Nature kept on her pallet. Life was good as we wrapped ourselves in each others arms.

We quickly unpacked the truck, hauling everything we would need for the week, down the stairs to the cottage below. The usual routine was run through. Get the water pump on, then the heat to quickly get the chill and the dampness out of the air. Start a fire going in the stove in the basement; load music into the stereo above and get some dinner going. Although most meals here were barbecued, tonight we were settling for some of my spaghetti sauce which I had taken from the freezer earlier. I put the water to a boil as the sauce filled the room with it's spicy aroma. Then I cut thick slabs of a nice crusty Italian loaf and generously spread it with garlic butter ready to pop under the broiler.

Everything was now ready to be served. With my trusty tongs, I portioned out two plates of piping hot spaghetti noodles, then generously ladled on the steaming sauce. The garlic bread was saved just in the knick of time as I often tend to forget about that until it's too late. In the background, the music played. Randomly, with no rhyme or reason. "Suppers on", I cried out as I placed the plates on the table and went to get the garlic bread. Pulling my chair out, I placed the bread on the table as I plunked myself down and smiled across the table.

My smile quickly vanished. Looking back at me was not the smiling, happy face which I had recently become accustomed to. Instead, I was met with a river of tears cascading down her velvety cheeks. It appeared to me as though she were holding in a sob and almost choked as she finally let it go. I moved quickly around the table and took her in my arms as she buried her head into my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. She couldn't speak as she tried desperately to catch her breath and sank deeper into my arms. I felt helpless and kept asking her what was wrong. But no words came out. Just long, drawn out, agonizing and heart wrenching sobs.

Time passed slowly as I continued to cradle her. When the sobbing began to subside, I gently held her face in my hands and kissed her tears. Then I kissed her on the forehead, pulled her back into my arms and whispered into her ear, "What's the matter, what's going on in there?" Then kissed her forehead once more. Patiently I listened as she explained some of what I had already known. Of her past history of abuse, her fears and anxieties. Of allowing herself to fall in love and believing that this was all just a dream. I reassured her that this was no dream. That she was safe and could begin to let go of the past and fill her life with happiness.

She smiled through her tears and we kissed passionately. In the background, music from The Mavericks began to play, filling the air with an uptempo beat. Looking into her eyes, I smiled, grabbed her hands and began to move her across the floor as we danced to the rhythm of the music. Pretending we were on 'Dancing with the Stars' we sashayed and shimmied across the floor laughing uncontrollably. I grabbed a blanket from the couch and threw it on the floor. As music continued to bathe the room with it's ever changing melodies we began to make our own music.

Hours passed as we stirred from beneath the blanket on the floor. Her tears, a memory for now, was replaced with a smile. We stood up and glanced at the table where two plates of very cold spaghetti now sat. Again, we laughed at the sight before us before climbing the stairs to the loft and to bed. To sleep perchance to dream.......

I loved being in Love, and I miss being in Love!

Parents, Go Hug Your Children....Now!

2009-05-20T18:56:00.004-04:00

Nothing I can add here that would make any sense. This video will explain it all.

Murder charge laid in Tori Stafford case

Honestly......for me!

2009-05-19T20:25:00.004-04:00

Michelle, over at The Truth as I Know It has honoured me with this 'Honest Scrap' award because, as Michelle says it, "he smacks of honesty". To say that this was unexpected would be a gross understatement. I actually didn't even notice it right off but when I did, it honestly made me blush. I have only been blogging a relatively short time but have done my best to be forthright in writing about the things that have or do affect me. So yes, it is a big deal to receive this award especially from this talented woman who bravely and honestly bares her soul thru her words, her actions, her poetry and her amazing and colourful Art Work. Michelle is a most deserving recipient of this award and I am proud that this lady blesses my blog with her presence and has passed this honour on to me. (((xxxxx))) :) Thank you Michelle!

The rules of this award are:

1. You must brag about the award.

2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.

3. You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog

5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.

So, without getting carried away, my 10 things are listed below. As for passing it on to another 7 deserving Bloggers, that will take me a day or so. I have some ideas but need to do some research.

1) I wish I drove a James Bond style car, complete with sidewinder missiles and full metal jacket machine gun rounds to take care of the ass wipes who think the signal mechanism on their car is optional and a dandy place to store rubber bands.

2) Sometimes I say what I'm thinking instead of thinking about what I'm saying. (I'm working on that.)

3) I do not hide my emotions well at all. (One friend describes my angry look as, "The Death Look". (That explains buddy in the grocery store.)

4) I loved being in love.

5) I miss being in love.

6) Tried to end it all when I was about 30 and have the scars to prove it.

7) Lost too many years feeling sorry for myself. (Too be fair to myself, I didn't know any better.)

8) I envy some of the younger people I know who figured things out early. (But it makes me happy to know they did.)

9) I have absolutely no problem turning my back on ANYBODY who F%#&S me over. This includes family. (Maybe some future stuff there)

10) I am extremely happy to have met some beautiful people here in Blog Land. You have allowed me an opportunity to share a part of me without being judgemental. And to those who have judged me, thank you for doing so quietly.

Free Head Smacks

2009-05-18T18:44:00.004-04:00

Every once in awhile I have to stop and give myself a smack in the back of the head. Don't shake your head; first hear me out. You may want to give me a smack in the back of the head too! We had a holiday weekend here, Victoria Day. Which meant, as far as I was concerned, sleeping in. But that never happens. My body has grown accustomed to waking early and getting on with the day. But after my third day off in a row I woke up this morning and moaned to myself, "Why can't you just sleep in"? And, as you may or may not be aware, I want to paint the kitchen but groan about that too. Then there is laundry to do, vacuuming and all that other fun housework type of stuff. So, after getting the coffee on and creating a mental schedule as to how I want to tackle this stuff, I set to work.

First off, I organize the laundry into loads separating everything and blah, blah, blah. Pour a coffee, park my backside on the couch and start watching something or other. Just procrastinating really, knowing I should be hauling out the bucket and begin to wash walls etc. Laundry done, now I tell myself, "Self", I say, "Get cracking"! "It's not going to get done on it's own". So, I put the TV on mute and put some tunes on. Out comes the ladder, bucket, cleanser and towels and I finally get started. I start with the easy walls before moving to the cupboards. First I empty them of their contents and remove the doors and hardware and begin cleaning the inside of the cupboards. The tunes continue to play in the background but the lyrics of some of the songs, begin playing their own tune in my brain like a loud pair of clanging cymbals.

That is when I began to feel like a big wah baby. My brain goes back to the first thing this morning when I started the whine-a-thon. I moaned because I couldn't sleep in, instead of being grateful that I woke up to a new day. Then moaned about the laundry, instead of being grateful that I have clothes to wash and wear. Next up, taking the vacuum for a walk, cleaning the bathroom etc. etc. But was I thinking that I should be grateful that I have a place to live. Of course not. I was thinking that now I have to start working on the kitchen. Woe is me!

I don't exactly know which song was playing that made me want to smack myself, but almost every song afterwards intensified the effect. My brain was processing some of the contents of the blogs I follow. For instance, here we have Michelle, agonizing over the care and treatment of her mother who is suffering the indignities of chemotherapy. Waiting for responses from medical personnel to tell them whether the treatment is working or not. And then there is Audrey, who is also suffering from this horrid disease. But yet, has the strength and courage to share her journey thru hell so we can all have a better understanding of what it takes to survive.

The list can go on and on but forgive me if I don't. I think you get the idea and I truly do empathise with all of your situations. Here I am bemoaning my perfectly adequate life with it's minor bumps and bruises when others around me are battling to survive theirs. After awhile, I guess taking life for granted becomes the norm. It's not so much that I do have a life to cherish, but when I moan and groan because of a little sweat equity every now and then, then even I can only take so much of myself. So if you feel the need to want to slap me upside the head, the line forms in the rear; right behind me.

Sunday Mush

2009-05-17T20:06:00.004-04:00

Not much of a day today. Kind of a chill day I guess and in more ways than one. The sunshine and blue skies belied the chill in the air this morning. It felt more like late September or early October as opposed to Mid-May. That and the numerous flowering trees that were in full bloom everywhere. Woke up with a little bit of energy and plans to start prepping the kitchen for a new paint job. I don't mind any room but the kitchen is a royal pain in the backside. Freaking cupboards everywhere. Sheesh! But I knew it would be interrupted at some point. Had a breakfast rendezvous with a friend. Went to a restaurant called 'Cora's. I chose this restaurant out specifically for the name. The reason being, is that is my mothers name and today she would have turned 75. You see the 'Cora'elation. Oh well! I thought it was amusing.

While I was out I figured I may as well get some groceries seeing as how everything will be locked up tight tomorrow. Everything was going hunky dorey until I got in line to pay. I was emptying my basket when a father and son came up behind me in line. The boy, being a boy, was carrying on a little. No real harm. The father, a little short on patience I guess, snaps and yells at the boy, "Cut it out Doofus". Now, I'm not the most educated man in the world, but I don't recall the name "Doofus" listed anywhere under "Terms of Endearment". Believe me, my head spun so fast and my eyes locked onto this guy so hard I think he may have soiled himself a little. I figured he was so used to dishing out that kind of abuse, it was like second nature to him. He got quiet real quick. What got to me though, was how it seemed like second nature to the little boy too! Pretty sad. I just wonder what was going thru that guys head after the fact. Did he realize what kind of affect that would have on this little guys psyche. Probably not. He was probably just passing on an old family tradition.

Well, that was what was going on in my little part of the world today. Somebody, somewhere is blasting off fireworks practicing for tomorrow I guess. I should see what events are planned but that can wait. Whoa! Hold on a sec. I gotta go check on something....be right back......

Yup! I was afraid of that. The kitchen is still there, taunting me! Oh well.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

2009-05-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

"Never take a person's dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to
you." Frank Barron

I believe, in this interesting public forum we have come to know as Blog Land or whatever tag we choose to call it, a certain amount of respect is deserving to those whom we follow and vice versa. After all, everybody who is putting there thoughts on the blank canvas in front of them, is doing so in various frames of mind. It is easier to post and share your life if it is filled with a generous amount of happiness. But to others, it is a place where they have come to purge or share the darkness of their lives and in doing so, they take great risks. From an outsiders perspective, as we all are when we are the reader, we feel a great sense of compassion and empathy for the writer. Many times their words may reflect how we are feeling but we did not have the know how, the willingness or the courage to convey them in quite the same way. Or maybe, the shame we are feeling is just too much to bare.

Sometimes, when I read some of these posts, it is almost like an open conversation between individuals and I feel like an intruder. So when I feel like that, I just respectfully back away. More often than not, some of the pain I am reading about is so traumatic, no words are possible. And I would feel it almost an intrusion to comment just to say I did. Maybe I'm wrong about that or maybe that is just the way I think. I'm accustomed to recognizing when people are going thru a period of change in their lives. In a sense, it's not Rocket Science. It would be ideal for most individuals to just write happy stuff all of the time. But that is not the real world. To those that can, that is fantastic. And to those who are going thru struggles, uncertainty, anxiety and pain; your words are just as important to us, the reader, as they are to you. For it is in your courage to write and share that we can look within and find our real selves.

Life Gets Away

2009-05-16T00:44:00.003-04:00

I love words. Especially when they are wrapped in music. I've seen people bebopping down the street lost inside the ear buds that filter music thru their ears. But I've often wondered how many people dissect the lyrics and realize the power behind the words that were written. The poetry that came from the writers heart and soul. Back in my high school days, I had a great English teacher by the name of Mr. Haber. In order to get the class interested in the subject, he presented it to us in a way we could understand. And that was thru music. One of the songs we studied was David Bowie's, 'Space Oddity', looking for metaphors and trying to determine what the author was actually thinking about when the lyrics were written. If you don't know you would be surprised. Another reason I remember this teacher was because the poor bugger used to drive a British Racing Green TR6 which was stolen 3 times in the same school year. Poor guy!

Anyways, I'm drifting. I was going thru some papers and stuff tonight reading old things I had written. Wrote something new and read some beautiful if not haunting words by Michelle ; and realized the creativity that comes from pain, anguish, fear, uncertainty and a host of other feelings we mistakenly keep locked inside of us. Something else I realized is how many of those tunes that we listen to are often misunderstood because we get caught up in the beat or the chorus. But if your write down the words and read them in black and white, they take on a whole new meaning. Below is one of the songs that I was listening to earlier on my little walkabout. What do you feel when you only see the words and not hear the music? Would you feel the same way if you were listening to the song without seeing the worlds?

Life Gets Away

We're tied to our memories
They won't let us stray
We're not going to lose ones
We made yesterday
We look to our future
And we make all our plans
As if we control what is out of our hands

Chorus
The world keeps on turning
I'm learning to see
Right where I am is where I have to be
You can't count the pages
All ages hear the call
No matter how hard we try
Life gets away from us all

We start getting older
The moment we live
Look over your shoulder
There's hindsight to give
Come good days and bad days
The sun's gonna rise
So why look beyond what' s
In front of our eyes

No matter how hard we try
Life gets away from us all

(written by Clint Black, Hayden Nicholas and Tom Schuyler)

Holding My Wishes

2009-05-15T23:30:00.006-04:00

I walk along the darkened streets
Music filtering through my ears
Feeling such an inner peace
I haven't known in years

Reflecting on life's lessons learned
It all seems to be going so fast
As I learn to cope with my endless fears
And silence the ghosts from my past

The cool night air caresses me
And the darkness surrounds my space
The stars above hold my wishes
While my dreams are rooted in place

There is something strange and wonderful
Kindling deep within my soul
While my thoughts drift off to the future
With visions of a new found goal

My heart and mind are comforted
because I know someone out there cares
So I can focus on all of my tomorrows
While tending to my daily affairs

By Bogey