...but not forgotten!

Earlier today, I went to a Memorial gathering for a friend of mine who passed away on Thursday . I first spoke of this friend, Murray, in an earlier post called, Yesterday's Memories. Murray was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease but actually succumbed to heart failure. He would have been 80 years young in September. In speaking with his wife of 55 years, she said it was better for him to go now than to continue to endure the horrors of this dreaded disease. I couldn't have agreed more. There are a few things on my mind here tonight as I sit and reflect on some of the days events. One of them is Murray himself and the various passions and interests he held onto throughout his life. One of the smartest people I knew, Murray graduated as a Civil Engineer back in 1952. As a Consulting Engineer, Murray's stamp is on many of Southern Ontario's municipal projects. He was also involved in some of our community's largest civil infrastructure projects of his time.

Outside of his professional duties, Murray had a diverse range of interests from music, engineering, Canadian History and his love of gardening. Not to mention his close relationships he had with his dogs over the years. Believe me, Murray never failed to mention Odie and Annie every chance he got. I never really knew Murray as a family man as I only met him about 14 years ago. I met a couple of his children a couple of years ago at a small birthday celebration we had for him. There was something definitely lacking that was not hard to notice. Over the years, we did speak about that part of his life and there were regrets. A lot of them. But that is not my story to tell. That is his family's story. However there are things that I do know, especially in the past three years that I can tell you. Up until three years ago there was a lot of bitterness about the relationship between Murray and his family.

Today, when I had an opportunity to speak with his wife, 3 daughters and his son, I was pleasantly surprised that they did not try to cover up that part of Murray. If you can understand that. Most of the time, when a loved one passes away, those dark things are usually buried with the person. And, in a way, it was refreshing to hear this honesty coming from them. I also don't think they wanted to hear what a really nice guy he was because they had a different story. But Murray knew he was a difficult man and he never failed to reveal that to me. For years, there was a lot of bitterness and finger pointing about things long past but all I was getting was one side of the picture. With my history, I knew that there were two side to every story and didn't really need to hear the other side to know what was going on. But as I said, about three years ago, something began to happen.

Murray, in his own way, never forgot about the professional privileges he once held. And so, when Murray spoke, you listened. But suddenly, Murray shut up and began listening. Not just to me but to others around him and I think this started to have a dramatic affect on his consciousness. He started coming back with stories of reconciliation with his son and daughters. Albeit small stories but there was hope. Gradually they became more of a regular part of his repertoire and there was also a lot less anger. Today, hearing what they had to say, I had an opportunity to tell them what I had witnessed over the past three years. They were pleasantly surprised to hear what I had to tell them and I could see the pained and puzzled look on their faces. I also spoke to Murray's Daughter-in-law who filled me in on the impact the estranged relationship that was there between father and son over the years. When I told her of the stories of love and pride Murray shared with me about his children, she began to cry which naturally brought tears immediately to my eyes. All I can hope for is that they can now relinquish the pain that is embedded in their hearts and move on with their lives.

Another thing that was on my mind today which in a way has a link to the above, is a post I read by Rosaria of sixtyifvewhatnow. Rosaria is planning on a few posts as a kind of mentoring program into what we can look forward to as we get older. It would be interesting if we can all get involved. As for the Alzheimer's Disease, it is probably my least favourite of all diseases. I'm not a fan of any diseases to be honest with you, but this one just freaks me out with what it does to a human being. An estimated 26.6 million people worldwide had Alzheimer's in 2006; this number may quadruple by 2050. Scary....no! With most diseases, you have some kind of a fighting chance, with this one, it's only a matter of time before you succumb to it. If we can share the knowledge of what to look for, not only with this disease but other disease that we can look forward to as we age. I guess what I am suggesting here is that you follow Rosaria's blog and get involved in a little Participaction!