Christmas Bites

Well, I've just been sittin' around kinda sorta pleased with myself as I look at a few of the Christmas packages resting at my feet. Up until last weekend, I had yet to be bitten by the Christmas bug. Not deeply at any rate. A couple of Saturdays ago, I had time to kill while waiting to see a friend of mine performing in a Christmas show in Burlington. So I decided to do an errand at the city mall where I just so happened to turn in. My first thought, as I heard the first strains of Christmas music filtering through the speakers strategically placed throughout the mall, was of feeling sorry for the many clerks having to hear 'that Christmas' music day in and day out. Bah Humbug, I thought momentarily. Who am I to talk? I actually have a collection of around 20+ Christmas CD's and realized I should just shut those stupid thoughts. After all, I was on my way to listen to some of those Carols later that evening.

I quietly shuffled around the mall looking at all of the displays in the windows, taking in the colorful and sparkling decorations and inhaled the unmistakable smell of gingerbread cookies. Off in the distance I could hear the rhythmic jingling of a bell and the muffled but distinct sound of somebody's jolly Ho Ho Ho's. Stopping briefly to get a cuppa, I then walked around the corner and came smack dab into an endless line up of children anxiously waiting their turn to have a chat with the jolly ol' elf. That was when I could feel the first nibbling at my butt. As I walked around the display where they had Santa holding court, I smiled as I saw on the back of the shack the feed buckets of Mr. Claus' Reindeer. One each with their names proudly displayed, there was Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course one for Rudolph. A lot of creativity went into that particular setting, I thought with a grin.

The parents couldn't take enough pictures as they patiently posed their children all around the display. Naturally, this put a smile in my heart as I began looking a little more seriously at some of the merchandise and began making a mental list. It didn't take me long as began picking up this and that and realized that maybe the bite went a little deeper than I had originally thought.

Tonight as I began typing my thoughts, I dug out the buried Christmas CD collection and popped one in. I have many favorites and not just the usual round of suspects. The first compilation I stuck in was an old collection of Country Christmas Classics which includes Let it Snow by Lorrie Morgan, The Kid by Clint Black and Christmas in Dixie by Alabama. But, I have to say, one of my all time favourite Christmas songs is one by Clint Black called Slow as Christmas. (Sorry I couldn't find a clip to include here but I will include the lyrics.) To me, the lyrics kind of epitomizes the agony a child goes through in the weeks leading up to Christmas fearful of missing it. But as an adult, I look at this and think how precious little time we have to actually sit back and enjoy it.

If we aren't busy working, we are out fighting in the malls. Planning and scheduling this and that. Taking care of family matters which appear to become exacerbated at this time of the year. There are just so many things our brains are capable of juggling. And now, more than any other time of the year, people become more aware of the stresses which surround them. Not just their own but by those who are close to them as well. Every nerve ending appears to become that much more sensitive triggering uncontrollable emotions. Our inner strength, which generally motivates us throughout the year, seems to fail some of us as the Festive Season draws closer. Scar tissues seems to suddenly become a little more tender. Old memories which were safely tucked away at other parts of the year, suddenly and painfully are brought to mind, yet again. There is nothing we can really do about that. It happens.

What we can do is to keep in mind that we have the capacity to create new, fresher and longer lasting memories. Memories worth remembering don't just create themselves. Every day something special happens either around us or because of us. We should be at the forefront ensuring that what we do today becomes somebody's memory tomorrow. Christmas is not just a day......it's a Season. And a very special season. There is the religious aspect of the season, which of course, we should never forget. Generated by the humble beginnings of the Christ Child. Then there is the Christmas as seen through the eyes of a child. And seeing as how we are all God's children, I don't see the harm in trying to be one, for just a little while.

What is the harm in forgetting that you are an adult for a few moments at a time. Life is short......precious......but short. If you don't have fond memories of Christmas as a child, create some. When the snow flies, build a snowman or a snow fort. Take the kids up a snow covered hill and fly down on a toboggan with them. If somebody you know would never expect you to wing'em with a snowball, fall behind them and gather some in your mittens. And then, when the time presents itself, (insert mischievous grin and giggle here), let 'em have it! I guarantee that you will get a reaction.........and a memory. As the cold north winds blow and the snows begin to fall, bundle everybody up and take a stroll in your neighbourhood. Enjoy the many brightly decorated houses which are normally just a passing blur as you are rushing to get home from somewhere.

Not everything has to have an adult theme to it. Like cocktail parties and adult only dinners where alcohol and sob stories abound. Invite your friends over but have them bring their skates with them. Go skating on the ice in front of City Hall. (Okay, I'm lucky. This year I will have two to choose from). Have a festive pot luck afterwards and watch Christmas movies or a Christmas Carol sing along. These things cost but a pittance when you think of the priceless memories you will get in return. And take pictures.........lot's of pictures. These will add to future celebrations.

As I said somewhere up above. I was just sitting around, kinda sorta pleased with myself. Knowing that I have already put into gear, memories that I know have not happened yet, but will. My heart has swelled up just a little bit more today and that's okay. I will just eat a few more hor d'oeuvres and make some room. As the upcoming days tumble off the calendar and we get a little closer to Christmas Day itself, take time for an occasional pause. When somebody wishes you a Merry Christmas, don't just say, “you too”. Look them in the eyes and say it from your heart. When somebody offers you their hand, hold it a little tighter. And when somebody gives you a hug, hold them a little longer. Remember, todays treasures are tomorrow's memories. Enjoy the Christmas Season and as Tiny Tim would say, “God Bless us.....everyone.”

Slow As Christmas

(Clint Black/Hayden Nicholas)

(Chorus)
You're as slow as Christmas, I was up before the dawn
Up so fast I missed it or was that old saying wrong
Every Christmas day makes every other day seem long
what seemed would never get here
Has so quickly come and gone

(Verse one)
I've heard old sayings, old cliches and
Most of them make sense
But we're wiser in our younger days not easily convinced
There's no way to look ahead with the wool over your eyes
And it seems that Santa's sled isn't the only thing that flies

(repeat chorus)

(Verse two)
We're bringing in another year let's throw that old one back
With my new train I'll be the engineer
And hurry down the track
While I know that time is standing still
I hear that old cliche
And I'm more convinced it does until......
that one December day

(Chorus two)

When I'm as slow as Christmas
I'll be up before the dawn
I'm not gonna miss this
I know that old saying's wrong
Every Christmas day makes other day seem long
what seemed would never get here
Has so quickly come and gone,
Come and gone.

...you be the Judge!

As I begin my graceful aging process (cough, hack, choke), I realize how much more reflective I have become. And, how acutely aware I am of some of the crap that comes out of the mouths of some individuals. What I believe has happened in this particular growth stage of mine, is that I no longer find any of this mindless gutter tripe humorous any more. Not that I ever really did. I just basically ignored it, associating it with the brains that spawned it. Even as I sit here thinking about what is on my mind, I think about the hypocrisy behind my own thoughts. Here I am, knowingly thinking about the ignorance of certain people, but in a way, being just as ignorant. How can you really put an end to it?

Today I was in a meeting where a good chunk of the time was spent by some of these individuals making comments about, well, pick something and I'm sure they covered it. As our time for the meeting was coming towards a close and were waiting for somebody to return, one of those in attendance asked me what I thought about the meeting. And, as is known to happen from time to time, I said aloud what I was thinking. What I said was, “I think we would get a lot more accomplished if we spent less time taking peoples inventory.” Needless to say, it did not illicit any laughs. Not that I was looking for any.

But it did weigh heavy on my mind for the rest of the day. When you work in a small office environment, things between people are a lot tighter. Especially when you are a relative newbie, like me. Although I have been around some of these folk for many years, it has only been about a year since I have been kinda sorta full time around them. A couple of the people I work with are younger and I guess, you expect certain things from them. Except, these are educated people who should know better. At least I think they should. See what I mean... judgmental or what? But when I see them taking on the characteristics of older, set in their ways kind of people, it scares the hell out of me. The more they act this way, the more everybody believes it is the norm.

It kind of makes me wonder, “what gives them the right to make such comments about people they have never even met?” To even talk about people as though they have walked in their shoes. Hardly! To be honest, what gives any of us the right to talk about anybody as though we were so superior to them. I think some of the most courageous people I have ever met are the ones that say the least. They wear their skin on the outside and their pride on the inside. They are the ones that become oblivious to the ill spoken rantings of ignorance and yet feel more empathy towards those who spew such ignorant venom. Sometimes, you can tell who they are. They are the people who smile at you with their eyes and hide the pain in their hearts.

I have heard things said of clients, colleagues and people who actually pay our bills. The things said and sometimes, the violence in which it is stated, even in jest, is a scary testament towards the society in which I now find myself living. How do we know that these people may have other things on their mind. Perhaps they are worrying about a loved one who is terminally ill. Or perhaps they are even ill themselves and are going through their own personal nightmares. When I sit back and reflect upon what I witness, I wonder if these individuals are just projecting their own insecurities upon those who don't even know they are being maligned. I guess to them, it is easier to cast the first stone. Maybe they should be worrying about why their own reflections are covered in muck so foul that they can no longer see the stairway to their souls.

In a few short weeks, we will be celebrating yet another Christmas, each in our own special way. Some of us will be fighting crowds of people looking for that must have gift for that special someone. Our tempers may be a tad on the short end and our thoughts may not exactly be reflective of the season. We may be fighting a mild illness as we become drawn into close quarters with thousands of others out there looking out for their own interests. I figure, if we give those around us the benefit of the doubt, perhaps too, they may be charitable with us as well. As I think about all that I have witnessed and basically ignored for so long, I wonder which of us is the worst example to our neighbour. Those who find it necessary to speak ill of them, or me, for not being courageous enough to stand up for those who are not there to represent themselves. I'll tell ya' what....you be the Judge!

Impact

Sometimes I dream and think of weird things. Such as whether we, as individuals, give much thought to our existence? You know, being born, growing up and growing old. The trials and tribulations and all of the unexpected detours that life brings to us – both good and bad. All of the people we have met and interacted with throughout that lifetime, even if for only a moment. All of the things we have done. The conversations held and secrets kept.....and revealed. Our broken hearts, skinned knees, dreams realized and lost.

It would amount to quite a number of memories I would imagine. Our lives touch so many people in so many ways, the odds of being able to calculate to what extent would appear to be unimaginable. Because we are too busy doing and living, we probably don't give much thought about the kind of impact it would have on others if we were not here. If we were never born. I'm sure that there have been some who have felt as though it would have been better if they were never born. Or that life is so filled with misery that there no longer seems to be a purpose to it and want to opt out. Some people would think that to be selfish thinking perhaps, but when living becomes more torturous than the alternative, I can only imagine the agony that person must be feeling.

So, what kind of impact do you think you have had on the people in your life? Have you ever wondered how different things would be for those around you if you did not exist, overlooking the importance of your being. Give it a little think. Look at a group photograph of yourself with friends and/or family and remember the occasion. Now, try to remove yourself from that picture and think about your contribution at the time of that memory. How would your not being there have altered the events of the day? Did you not put a smile on somebody's face that day or make them laugh? Did you not give somebody a hug or a kiss and share in their joy?

How many times did you find yourself in a line up somewhere with an elderly person who was waiting in line with you and you struck up a conversation with them? Do you not think those few minutes of conversation with them may have made their day? Or, has your phone ever rang frantically and there was a loved one desperate for your attention right then and there. Who would have been there if not for you? And now, what if you are responsible for young ones whose lives depend on you so much. Take yourself out of that picture mentally for a moment. Think about how their future would or could be so different from what it is now if you were not there for them. Not here to love them and guide them and nurture them. How important do you think your existence is now?

Life throws us curve balls. Always has, always will. Then we get up and carry on. Maybe a little battered and bruised, a bit slower but always a little more wiser. Life can also be easier when we live with our hearts on our sleeve. And we never fail to rejoice in those special moments when they present themselves to us. But, when we live with our hearts in our back pocket and forget to acknowledge our own humanness and our own existence, I think we do ourselves an injustice. For as many people there are out there who we believe we could never live without, they too believe they could never live without you too! We never fail to be grateful for those who enter our lives and leave a mark in our hearts. But let us never forget that we also can leave an impact on theirs.

Givin' Back

In the past, I may have mentioned that Monday's are usually my longest day of the week. And, there is a very good reason for that. You see, every Monday evening, I commit a couple of hours of my time to a community outreach program where individuals, who have a need to talk, come to do so. Freely and of their own free will. But usually, with a lot of trepidation, fear and anxiety. They are looking for somebody, anybody really, to listen to them in the hopes that they may find some kind of release or understanding of the inner demons that possess and haunt them. Most of the time, they have this sad belief that they did something to deserve the kind of misery they find themselves in. And usually, when I hear those words, it kind of puts a stranglehold on my heart. Fortunately, I'm a listener. Not a bad one, if I do say so myself. It gives me an opportunity to let these people map out where it is they want to go. If anything, I just try to be a navigator.

I learned a long time ago, in order to be a good listener, you have to take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth. Too many times, when I needed somebody to listen to me, they usually overwhelmed me with a desire to share their own life's journey. Thus, shutting me down and making me feel discounted. I figure, it takes a lot of courage for these people to recognize that they have something that they need to unburden themselves of. How long will it take for them to find that courage again if I prematurely open my yap? Experience tells me that if I jump in too soon, then the doors close. So, I wait. Patiently. I wait for them to come to what they think is an end to where they thought they were going. And then, because I listened, I would ask them a question that would push them a little further. And a little further. Maybe it was because I remembered what it was like to be sitting where they were sitting.

Last night was no different from any other Monday night. One by one they would kind of try and sneak in and blend themselves with the walls. Trying to decide whether this was the night they attempted to find somebody who could offer them a little salvation from their, often times, self imposed torment. Actually, to be honest, I am usually the one who tries to blend in with the scenery, if only because I am actually shy by nature. The one area of my life where I do not find that to be a hindrance, is on the sports field. But that is only because of my competitive nature. They sort of have an ongoing battle behind the scenes. Anyhow, that is another discussion for another time. Last night, I guess, I found myself in the right place at the right time for somebody who was aching to break free. Wearing an ID card is a dead giveaway that you are there to help. And so, when this young person came forward, accompanied by an older gentlemen about my age, I extended my hand and invited them to sit down.

Actually, I remember having seen this young woman here before. Months earlier and looking just as lost. She told me her name and introduced me to her uncle, who was visiting from out of town and was there to support her. There was no mistaking their heritage. Native Canadians. I guess I use the term Canadian too liberally but I hope you understand. Her hair was the darkest black I have ever seen and her skin held not a single crease. Her eyes too, were as black as coal, but were as empty as though the owner had vacated them for destinations unknown. Her pain enveloped her like a halo. It was so obvious. I introduced myself and said, “So, where do you want to go?”

Within minutes, she became comfortable and supported by the embrace of her uncle, spewed forth some of the venom that had long ago poisoned her blood. Even though tears freed themselves in a steady stream, she remained strong in her desire to do battle with the shadows. A good sign, I thought. When she spoke, there was no mistaking the pride she felt for herself. These are the things I look for in order to help propel somebody forward. Look for the inner strengths. She spoke freely of the things that, she felt, made her weak. Weaknesses that were handed down to her from past generations. Her uncle continued to support her encouraging her to speak. One of the things that I remember her saying was that though, she succumbed to weakness after a period of time, that she did not want to feel as though she failed. That she was worth something and wanted to continue but needed help.

This is where I bit my tongue in order to staunch the tears that were now welling up inside of my own eyes. But I couldn't. I hesitated. Just enough. But it seemed as though that hesitation was enough for her to understand, that I understood. I spoke briefly. Explaining what it is like to feel as though you were a block of ice.......melting......to the point that you have been touched by your inner child. And now, you have to re-acquaint yourself with that inner child, discarding notions of who abandoned whom. To embrace the fear of walking down endless corridors of doorways that must be opened and explored. Separating fact from fiction and coming to grips with the reality that none of this was your own doing. You were just a by-product of somebody else's collapse. There was an acknowledgement in her eyes that made me believe that she understood what needed to be done.

Before we knew it, time was coming to an end. I had to meet with the others to discuss something about finances etc. and was preparing to say my good-byes. As I headed to the back room, they followed me, seemingly reluctant to end this little tète à tète. There appeared to be some life in those dark eyes that did not exist earlier. Letting them know that there would be future opportunity's to talk, I offered them some literature to help them find other community options should it become necessary. They both thanked me for my help for which I told them that they did more for me than I did for them. We hugged and said our good byes. I felt good, elated and hopeful. That this young person would find the courage to continue to find the answers to her struggles and forge ahead to make a life for herself. Life is funny. You shut up and listen long enough, you find out that life is not as bad as we think it is. Ya just have to look in the mirror of somebody else's soul.

Help.......!

(Please, read this slow, as it was meant to be. If you are happy, this has nothing to do with your happiness. It has nothing to do with you on a personal level whatsoever.



Every once in a Blue Moon,

and we all know how rare of an occurrence that is,

I find myself walking under such a moon.

Blue!

As blue as I can ever remember it .

As happy, upbeat and carefree as I try to make my life out to be, now and again, I too, succumb to the effects of...........well...........'the blues'. Why? Does it matter? It happens. Earlier tonight, I found myself out walking under a cloudless, wondrous fall evening. Alone! Tonight, my heart and my soul, were feeling empty and..........yes..........LONELY. WAH! Actually, yes! I did cry. Don't ask me why. I just did! The tears fell. Freely! Copiously! And warm. Against my now fuzzy, wintry cheeks. What gives? Is it because I am reading and feeling the love out there amongst others of our tightly knit Blog Community who have or are sharing their heart with others. No matter how you personally feel, if you have the opportunity to share this evening with those you love....feel envied! At least by me. What you have is a gift, a treasure. Indeed, hard earned and harder to keep! Please....do not...... take it for granted....I know....I wouldn't. I couldn't. I never did.......and …....I never would!


The lyrics, of an old Beatles song kept filtering through my brain, as I continued to walk, stride after painful stride (torn knee cartilage will do that to you) but this, has nothing to do with feeling my feeling BLUE! Really, all that I am asking is that you …........


HELP!

Help
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed antibody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oooh.


As I, would help you!..........CHEERS!

Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon - Lest We Forget

Next Wednesday, November 18, 2009, will be the sixty-fifth anniversary since my Grandfather, Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon lost his life. His name, is but one on a very long list of men and women who forfeited their lives so that we who remain, can enjoy the types of freedoms that we do every day. As a soldier, he was considerably older than most of those with whom he served. A family man, he left behind a wife and three daughters in order to perform his patriotic duty. This was at a time, I am pretty sure, when times were desperate for many people of that era. Personally, I know very little of the man other than the few minor stories told to me by my mother. My Grandmother, stoic as ever, refused to talk about his tragic loss. She, like many women of the day, just quietly accepted it and move on.

On Nov. 9, 1944, the 2nd Canadian Corps occupied the Nijmegen salient bridgehead in Holland and turned it into a winter base. Nine days later my Grandfather was killed and is now buried at the Groesbeek Canadian War Cemetery in Holland. The picture you see here of him, is the only picture that I have and that I am aware of. It is usually framed and sits beside another framed photo. That of my Grandmother. For whatever reason, I have always felt that my Grandfather has been like a Guardian Angel to me. I can't explain it. It is just a feeling that I get every once in awhile. I often wonder what difference his presence in my mothers life would have made for her. Not just her I suppose, but their whole family. As it is, we will never know.

Today, we here in Canada and other Commonwealth countries as well as the United States, will take a brief moment of our lives, to remember the many lives touched by the tragedy's of war. I will be remembering my Grandfather, Lance Corporal Graham H. Dixon. Every single day that I have lived beyond my 39th birthday has been a blessing. Whether good or bad, those days are precious to me because they are days that my Grandfather would never know. So please, take the time today to remember the loved ones in your lives who too, have paid the ultimate sacrifice. A sacrifice which we should never, ever take for granted.

The Unexpected

Earlier today, a Blogger friend from way back in April, when I started all of this drivel, Michelle of Crow's Feet, personally came by and dropped off this newly made award on my Blog-step. It is called the, 'Rain Bird Award', and it was created by Michelle herself. Michelle has decide to bestow this particular 'Award' to those who have found, “Peace under Pressure”. It is dedicated to “every person who has come through their own personal 'war' with...if not their dignity and sanity intact, then at least with compassion and humour.” There is a marvelous story that belongs with this and one well worth reading!

Personally, I believe in order to be able to achieve that, one must be able to walk through the burning coals of life and come through blistered, but not crippled. Bent, but broken. And, to be able to show compassion and empathy while maintaining a certain amount of gratitude and humility. Trying hard to believe that I fit all of this criteria, and although there were no direct instructions, I have decided to bestow this new, if not worthy Award, to the following people;

Michelle of, 'Truth As I Know It', for continuing to honestly, 'Talk the talk while walking the walk', not easy at the best of times.

Lori of, 'My Life Interrupted', for providing a safe and loving haven for two of God's children, when she could have said, “I did my tour”.

Natalie of, 'Musings From the Deep', for continuously treading water while the world around her, as she knows it, tries to pull her under.

Queen of, 'Queenofphrump', for shouldering the burden while maintaining a sincere hold on reality and keeping true to her roots.

Marnie of, 'One Slice At A Time', for her sardonic wit, while trying to maintain some semblance of dignity while keeping life as real as it needs to be.

Lori Ann of, Lorix5, for giving me a peek of what real Love can be, if you allow yourself to do so.

Of course, this Award was passed forward by me, without prejudice, and in no particular order. There is absolutely no requirement by you to do anything more. Wear it, share it, ignore it. I believe I have done what I felt was necessary to pass this forward. Feel free to do the same.

And thank you Michelle, for making me feel worthy!