Sunday, May 31, 2009

A Battle of Wills

This morning I was chatting with a friend of mine whom I have known for about 14 years. The conversation eventually focused on his younger daughter, who is now in her early thirty's. Throughout the past, oh, I don't know, maybe 5 to 8 years, we have had this same conversation probably 3 to 4 times a year. The major focus is his daughter's penchant for the party type lifestyle. Believe me, I understand what he is talking about and most of the time he just uses me as a sounding board and I'm fine with that. But, every now and again, I have to kind of reign him in a little because he generally forgets that he can't live her life for her. Nor can he impose his will upon her. I think he is realizing, that as he gets older, he is running out of time to try and corral her. And she, being a bit of a free spirit, will be damned if she would stay still long enough to let that happen. It almost ended very tragically around 3 years ago when she totalled her car on the way back from visiting friends . She was very lucky that she was wearing her seat belt. Needless to say, he has been trying to make it his mission ever since.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to protect your children, in fact, I encourage it. However, there are certain things in life that you cannot force upon people. They have to want it. The more he pushes her, the more she balks. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that she will ever admit to having a problem to begin with. So it kind of becomes a moot point. I've actually been privy to some of the wars of will and it was never pretty. The louder they screamed at each other, the smaller their ears got. Although words were coming out of their mouths, the dialogue ended as they let loose the first volleys. So, every now and again, she will do something stupid, he will try and impose his will on her and the stalemate remains the same. Pretty sad.

Our community has a number of facilities that deal with treatment for substance abuse. One of these groups sent around a letter seeking donations to help with additional funding. On the top of the sheet, the byline read, "10,000 local teens struggle with addictions!" It continued to deliver it's push for funding but I was jolted by the statistics it presented.

"25% of local high school students admitted they had a drug use problem when
surveyed by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in 2007."
What they were saying was that about 10,000 of the 43,000 secondary students in the region are struggling with substance abuse. We're just talking about kids between the ages of 14 and 18 here! This is mind boggling. If this is typical of every community within our Province (plus or minus) and then you add up the averages across the country, I would say we have some serious issues on our hands. It makes me think of a comment I made sometime earlier. I really don't see what the huge rush is to become adults. What is wrong with just trying to be a child for awhile. Why do kids feel the need to be "all grown up" before they are ready?

As for my friend and his daughter, knowing more than I can tell you, there are issues other than what is seen on the surface. If she can't begin to get to those issues and deal with them in a healthy fashion, it could be years before either of them can enjoy anything more than superficial happiness.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Rainy Day Feelings

Weather sure has been in a bit of a mood lately! Kinda puts a bit of a damper on a lot of peoples souls. I'm not really complaining about the weather as such. Only because in a few months time, I will have the chance to hit the markets and enjoy the bounty that these rains will bring. So there is a bit of a trade off. I do have to admit though, after seeing nothing but grey skies and endless rivers of rain gushing down the streets, my desire to cook dinner tonight was, shall we say, non-existant. So, being somewhat of a survivalist, I settled for this......

Which brings me back to my first thought. Sometimes I read a blog where the words tug at a heart string. Earlier tonight I read a post from Lisa which said in part,

"i realise of course, that to many I love
i am a major disappointment
they have this image of me see,
that i cant possibly fulfill..........
because my days of being what you want me to be
instead of what i want to be
are long gone
never to return
I am a woman grown"

This of course, reminded me of an old poem by Peter "Dale" Wimbrow Sr. called The Man In The Glass. However, I think this poem could be read from either perspective with a few word changes here and there. But I think it applies to all of us. What do you think?


When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people may think your a straight-shootin' chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Have a great Friday all!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Headin' to town...wanna come?

Follow me!

Some of the Hood!

Flowering Tree

Just follow the tracks!

A little Lilac Bush...

....and a little Black Squirrel!

Just around the bend...I swear!

A bit of a breeze!

Taking care of the Homestead!

A walk in the Mall

Coffee's on me!

Tickling the Ivories!

Some outdoor shops !

Some of the Main Drag....

...a little more downtown...

...and a little more!

Shop Window
Can you read the sign?

I bought this!
Ms. Toast has those funny pages!

Oh Audrey...there's a sale on Christmas Yarn!

For pampered pooches!

Some Olde Heritage!

Mennonite Chapel

Heading back home....

...almost there!

So I can eat this!
Thanks for tagging along.......Have yourselves a wonderful day!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Thanks Audrey...with gratitude

The Noblesse Oblige Award

First I want to apologize to Audrey, just in case you were thinking that I was ignoring your kindness for bestowing me with this Noblesse Oblige Blog Award. Nothing of the sort. And I guess, similar to the way you were thinking, I was scratching my head wondering why you would pass this on to me which required some additional thinking. But, also like you, it won't prevent me from giving it a quick polish and hanging it up on the wall! For those that don't know Audrey, this is how I would describe her. A woman of courage, intelligence, humour and wit who, despite being faced with the realities of a life threatening disease, has decided to share her journey with the blogging community. Audrey has shared the experiences she has had in dealing with the medical community, the literature she has read and the knowledge that was gained from the experience of others. A remarkable woman who has continued to appreciate all that life has to offer. (Insert applause here and take a bow Audrey)Thank you very much for the recognition Audrey. It is truly appreciated. Big Bear Hugs to ya!

Details of the Noblesse Oblige Award:

The recipient of this award is recognized for the following:
  1. The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervade amongst different cultures and beliefs.
  2. Their Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage, and offers solutions.
  3. There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Cultures, Sciences and Beliefs.
  4. The Blog is refreshing and creative.
  5. The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.

The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following:

  1. Create a post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
  2. The Award conditions must be displayed at the Post.
  3. Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved - preferably citing one or more older posts as support.
  4. The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
  5. The Blogger must display the Award at any location at their Blog.

Believe me, when I started this froth, I was not thinking about awards. Just about writing and getting in touch with me, my feelings, my thoughts and how these things made me tick. This blog has no definitive agenda. Sometimes memories dictate what I write, some good, some maybe not so good. Other times it could be that something gets triggered, opening a wound which requires a suture or two. Or, it could be what is going on in society; the laurels and brickbats. It may even be what is going on in our own backyard. For years, most of what I am writing about has been locked inside of me living up to the old stereotype whereby men do not show, let alone share their emotions. The cost for bottling up these emotions and the damage incurred is immeasurable. Remember that every time you look at one of your sons and you see him staring off into another world, for he may be wishing that is where he wants to be. I have come to realize that I too, deserve to be happy and if writing helps me to achieve that, then so be it.

Here is where I have to wholeheartedly concur with Audrey, the Blogging community, with which I have come to know and love has been extremely supportive, caring and dare I say loving. Not only does it feel like I have so many new friends but given the number of women who follow this mish mash, it feels like I have gained the insight of sisters that I didn't know I had. My goal with this blog is to hopefully help those who feel that they have wrapped their Inner Child like a mummy, to find a way to unravel the bandages, let the scars heal and embrace them. It is that inner child within all of us that allows us to blossom into better, stronger, wiser, more compassionate and more empathetic human beings. I would like to envision this blog sharing as though we were all assembled on a beach, circled around a huge bonfire, sparks climbing to meet the stars. Complete with music, marshmallows, hot dogs and your beverage of choice. (I'll have a San Pellegrino with a lime wedge) Sharing our sorrows with tears and hugs; and our happiness with laughter and joyousness. If anything, I just hope to create an atmosphere whereby if you come here to read, that it also makes you think.

And now, with this wee disclaimer, this Award appears on many a blog which I visit and I could and would bestow it upon them yet again. However, I am going to present it to only two recipients for the time being, reserving the right to add to this list in the future. And they are:

Michelle Frost of Crow's Feet (check out her blog and tell me I'm wrong!)
Lori of My Life Interupted (the reason are obvious)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Manic Monday!

Kind of wondering here why it is one day I could be feeling like I'm walking on a cloud, (without the help of any mind altering drugs I might add). Then the next day, I'm feeling like I'm walking in some dark, dank, endless tunnel. Where the only sound I hear is the blood gurgling through my brain, beating on the inside of my skull like John Bonham pounding on his Pearls! My chest is tight almost like somebody reaching in and squeezing my heart. I can't explain it! When I left this morning, the sun was shining against a brilliant blue background and the air was crisp and fresh. And for some reason, it went down hill from there! Not work so much, just my mood!

By lunch time I was feeling like a freaking bear. Any unnecessary noise began to irritate me and then, to me at least, it all became unnecessary. The office chit chat suddenly became annoying and I felt like I was going to snap. Tried to blog hop a bit at lunch but the brain was pre-occupied so, just in case I said anything stupid to anybody today, I apologize. After lunch was no better. Had a scheduled meeting for 4 o'clock and was trying to put the last touches on a job which I was going to need. Normally I thrive on this kind of stuff. I prefer being busy and can usually juggle quite well, when my brain is functioning properly. I just felt like I was balancing on the edge for some reason. It almost felt like a panic attack and I just wanted out.

Hung around for an extra hour or so tonight just to map out tomorrow. It's just a little bit better when fewer people are around crashing in on my bad mood. Had another meeting scheduled for 8 pm which was going well for the most part. Then, while I was speaking somebody cut in and broke my train of thought. Not good! Like I've said, I don't hide my emotions too well. My eyes said what I knew my mouth shouldn't. Less damaging that way. Monday's are always long and normally I don't care. Today, it just felt like I wanted to be somewhere else......anywhere else!

Everyday Treasures

Everyday Treasures

Another day over and more treasures for my heart,
That did not exist before this day had its start.

It’s amazing to me that they could even exist,
When I open my eyes and try not to resist.

A hug or a smile, a hand held with care.
A shoulder to cry on; all moments to share.

Often overlooked or even taken for granted,
Like seeds in a garden, one forgets they had planted.

The special people who will share in your pain,
Who will show you your worth and what you can gain.

Whose laughter is catching and fills you with joy,
Like a child at play with their favourite toy.

I have these treasures because you all helped me to see
The things that are important and what matters to me.

By G. De Rouin
May 24, 2009 ©

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Envelope Pleeeease!

Just in case anybody thought I was shirking my responsibilities in regards to the recent 'Honest Scrap' award bestowed upon me by Michelle, I thought I would tidy that up a little right now. Actually, it has been a tad difficult to fulfill the requirements if only because most of the blogs I follow have already won it! So, what I am going to do is cheat a little and reduce the number to six (6) recipients. However, I believe those six individuals do hold the required criteria. (I'm actually trying to make it easier for the next recipients. Shhh.) (Honest enough for ya' all) I have already fulfilled the criteria somewhere below (I think) so I will just re-post the rules again.

The rules of this award are:
1. You must brag about the award.
2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3. You must choose a minimum of six (6) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog
5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.

And so, in no particular order here are the next recipients;

1) Lori, of (My Life Interrupted) You can't get more honest than this lady.

2) Ms Toast Burner, of (One Slice at a Time) For not letting me forget that 'I am Canadian' eh!

3) Winnifred, of (I'm Trying, Honestly) The title speaks for itself.

4) Ai Shiang, (It's Raining Ice Cream) 'cause I like Ice Cream!

5) Gene Hilton, (Gene Hilton Photography) Because I think the way he looks thru the lens is comparable to the way an artist looks at a blank canvas)
6) James, (Newtown Daily Photo) For letting me see parts of Americana that I may never get a chance to see.

Congrats to all. And of course, you only have to participate if you so choose!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

...and this little Piggy...

Well according to the Chinese Zodiac I'm a Pig. Never mind how polite Blogger noted that I was a Boar (not a bore people) when I checked that zodiac box in the whatchamacallit. Let's face it, a Pig is a Pig there are no two ways about it. Believe it or not, I love being me and I love being a Pig! Which kind of explains why I collect some of the little dudes. play!

Me....tyin' on the old feed bag!

Me....goin' gaga! (Probably the early '80's)

Me....ahem,uh do I need to spell it out people!

If you don't know and want to check out what they say about you and your sign, visit here.

If you care to read, this is what they say about me...........ahem, I mean Pigs. Let me know if you think they nailed it!

Occupying the last position in the Chinese Zodiac, the 12th, the Pig symbolizes such character traits as diligence, compassion, and generosity. Pigs enjoy life and because they are entertaining, others enjoy their company. Pigs are giving souls and reap much enjoyment when they’re helping others, but sometimes they give too much. Honesty is what Pigs give and it’s what they expect to receive in return.

Pigs seek peace and will do what is necessary to maintain it. This trait, while admirable, sometimes makes it easy for others to take advantage of Pigs. Pigs are always doing for others, helping anyway they can, but rarely will they ask others for help. This can overwhelm and stress them, but Pigs don’t mind.

When it comes to money, Pigs enjoy spending more than saving. They gravitate towards name brand items. Thriftiness happens only occasionally, but Pigs do know how to find great deals.
Always seeking fun, Pigs often indulge more than they should. Excessive eating, drinking and smoking can cause sickness. Pigs aren’t very active and, combined with their excessive behaviors, cause them to gain weight. Pigs are social and being alone makes them unhappy. Pigs would benefit from adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Pigs enjoy helping at work and can always be counted on. They enjoy opportunities that allow them to express their creativity. Pigs are detail-oriented, a trait admired by management. Pigs aren’t afraid to take on responsibility. Some good career choices for Pigs include: entertainer, caterer, doctor, veterinarian, or interior decorator. They’d do well in retail or hospitality.
Supportive and giving, Pigs make great partners. They’re affectionate and sexual and prefer staying home to going out. They enjoy what they have, especially their home and family. Once they find the right partner, they’re typically committed for the long-term.
Pigs and the 5 elements
Metal Pigs – Years 1911 and 1971
Metal Pigs have a tough exterior, and this strength can be seen in all areas of life. They work diligently and love with all they have. They’re outspoken and trust others right away.
Water Pigs – Years 1923 and 1983
Water Pigs are trustworthy almost to a fault. Others can easily influence Water Pigs, but Water Pigs are also good at influencing others to get what they want. They’re extremely social and enjoy having a good time.
Wood Pigs – Years 1935 and 1995
Wood Pigs are the most helpful and are always seeking ways to work with others. In fact, they’ll help others even when others say help isn’t necessary. Big hearts and strong minds characterize Wood Pigs.
Fire Pigs – Years 1947 and 2007
The fire in Fire Pigs comes through in everything they do. They’re gutless risk-takers and once they put their minds to something, it’s all or nothing. That applies to work, romance and goals. Fire Pigs make excellent leaders and bosses.
Earth Pigs – Years 1959 and 2015
Earth Pigs are most content at home, with family. They never approach a task without first formulating a plan. Earth Pigs are better at being led than being a leader.
Pigs are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat and incompatible with the Monkey and Snake.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Eyes Have It

Don't you just love going to the Eye Doctor and having your pupils dilated. It was my turn today. Oh joy! And of course, the sun was just bright enough to make seeing just a little bit more unbearable when I was done. Actually, I've had to go regularly for almost 14 years. Some years ago, an old friend accidentally scratched the pupil on my left eye with their finger nail. When I went to the local Hospital's Emergency Department, a specialist just so happened to be on duty. After my eye was taken care of, I was to go for a follow up at his office some time later. The treatment worked and my eye healed with no telltale signs hampering my eyesight.

However, on subsequent visits, he decided to measure the pressure on my eyes. Then he asked if our family had a history of Glaucoma. I vaguely remembered and Aunt or somebody in the family who was diagnosed with it. I really didn't know what Glaucoma was so he explained it to me in laymen,s terms. At first, he just wanted to monitor the pressure in my eyes just as a precaution and so I only saw him once a year. After awhile he prescribed eye drops which I have to put in my eyes before bed every night. That has been going on for Lord knows how long. Today, he wasn't happy with the pressures in my eyes. Specifically my left eye. The reading was around 39. Which is high I guess. So another prescription on top of the already existing drops.

Seeing is important to me. There are too many important things I would miss should I lose my sight. So of course I am going to follow Doctor's orders in the hopes that this will stabilize. In all other ways, I've been lucky with my eyesight. I didn't need glasses up until a few years ago when I found out I had astigmatism. Which annoys the hell out of me by the way. At first I had bi-focals so that I can see the computer and normal range things and the lower half of the lens was for reading things when I looked down. This became necessary because my arm was no longer long enough. Originally I just bought a pair of readers which were great for the computer. I still use those and for a very good reason. Now I have tri-focals! Part of the lens is for normal viewing, another part for computer distance and the bottom for the astigmatism.

When I first got the glasses, seeing was a bit of a trick. I couldn't just move my eyes I had to move my whole freaking head with them. I work on a computer every day. It's part of my job. Anybody not knowing about my glasses and watching from a distances would think my head was on a roller ball as I tried to figure out what part of the lens to look through. They now rest comfortably in the nice little glass case they came in until I need them. I've gone back to the readers and they work just fine, thank you very much.

Anyways, there is a bit of a point to all of this. Glaucoma is one of those diseases of the eye that you are generally not aware of until it is too late. If anybody in your family has it, have your eyes checked as a precaution as soon as you can. If caught early, the treatment may help prevent the onset or worsening of this disease for years to come. Do some research for your own sakes. Memory's of things seen is nice but remember, seeing is believing.

Autumn Memory

The leaves had already turned various shades of oranges and yellows and had begun to loosen themselves from the trees. The air was cool and crisp and you could already smell winter in the air. The setting sun, which was setting quicker each evening, was now directly in my face as we headed due west to spend a week at the cottage. This was my favourite time of the year. Autumn! Nothing pleased me more, already knowing that the regulars had long packed up and were now gone until the next year. Happy tunes danced out of the speakers and the music began it's therapy on my stressed out soul. I could feel the tension releasing itself from my shoulders as my hands loosened their grip on the steering wheel. I glanced over at my beloved and smiled softly.

My mind drifted to slow, lazy mornings accompanied by huge mugs of piping hot coffee. Lounging side by side on the deck chairs wrapped in a heavy blanket watching the sun bounce off of the water below. Not a care in the world as though we were the only two on the planet. Time to watch the chipmunks and squirrels grabbing there share of the peanuts which we left scattered here and there. We had our favourite, of course, whom we aptly named Red Butt, for the deep red coloured fur on his backside. And time to walk along the empty beach, listening to the echos of the summer past. Oh, how the time does seem to slip away.

I snapped back to reality as I recognized the telltale landmarks scattered about. Turning onto the final little stretch, knowing we would get there just in time to catch the final glimpse of the setting sun fade into the water across the lake. It didn't disappoint as it sank below the distant horizon leaving behind an array of colours that only Mother Nature kept on her pallet. Life was good as we wrapped ourselves in each others arms.

We quickly unpacked the truck, hauling everything we would need for the week, down the stairs to the cottage below. The usual routine was run through. Get the water pump on, then the heat to quickly get the chill and the dampness out of the air. Start a fire going in the stove in the basement; load music into the stereo above and get some dinner going. Although most meals here were barbecued, tonight we were settling for some of my spaghetti sauce which I had taken from the freezer earlier. I put the water to a boil as the sauce filled the room with it's spicy aroma. Then I cut thick slabs of a nice crusty Italian loaf and generously spread it with garlic butter ready to pop under the broiler.

Everything was now ready to be served. With my trusty tongs, I portioned out two plates of piping hot spaghetti noodles, then generously ladled on the steaming sauce. The garlic bread was saved just in the knick of time as I often tend to forget about that until it's too late. In the background, the music played. Randomly, with no rhyme or reason. "Suppers on", I cried out as I placed the plates on the table and went to get the garlic bread. Pulling my chair out, I placed the bread on the table as I plunked myself down and smiled across the table.

My smile quickly vanished. Looking back at me was not the smiling, happy face which I had recently become accustomed to. Instead, I was met with a river of tears cascading down her velvety cheeks. It appeared to me as though she were holding in a sob and almost choked as she finally let it go. I moved quickly around the table and took her in my arms as she buried her head into my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. She couldn't speak as she tried desperately to catch her breath and sank deeper into my arms. I felt helpless and kept asking her what was wrong. But no words came out. Just long, drawn out, agonizing and heart wrenching sobs.

Time passed slowly as I continued to cradle her. When the sobbing began to subside, I gently held her face in my hands and kissed her tears. Then I kissed her on the forehead, pulled her back into my arms and whispered into her ear, "What's the matter, what's going on in there?" Then kissed her forehead once more. Patiently I listened as she explained some of what I had already known. Of her past history of abuse, her fears and anxieties. Of allowing herself to fall in love and believing that this was all just a dream. I reassured her that this was no dream. That she was safe and could begin to let go of the past and fill her life with happiness.

She smiled through her tears and we kissed passionately. In the background, music from The Mavericks began to play, filling the air with an uptempo beat. Looking into her eyes, I smiled, grabbed her hands and began to move her across the floor as we danced to the rhythm of the music. Pretending we were on 'Dancing with the Stars' we sashayed and shimmied across the floor laughing uncontrollably. I grabbed a blanket from the couch and threw it on the floor. As music continued to bathe the room with it's ever changing melodies we began to make our own music.

Hours passed as we stirred from beneath the blanket on the floor. Her tears, a memory for now, was replaced with a smile. We stood up and glanced at the table where two plates of very cold spaghetti now sat. Again, we laughed at the sight before us before climbing the stairs to the loft and to bed. To sleep perchance to dream.......

I loved being in Love, and I miss being in Love!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Parents, Go Hug Your Children....Now!

Nothing I can add here that would make any sense. This video will explain it all.

Murder charge laid in Tori Stafford case
Murder charge laid in Tori Stafford case

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Honestly......for me!

Michelle, over at The Truth as I Know It has honoured me with this 'Honest Scrap' award because, as Michelle says it, "he smacks of honesty". To say that this was unexpected would be a gross understatement. I actually didn't even notice it right off but when I did, it honestly made me blush. I have only been blogging a relatively short time but have done my best to be forthright in writing about the things that have or do affect me. So yes, it is a big deal to receive this award especially from this talented woman who bravely and honestly bares her soul thru her words, her actions, her poetry and her amazing and colourful Art Work. Michelle is a most deserving recipient of this award and I am proud that this lady blesses my blog with her presence and has passed this honour on to me. (((xxxxx))) :) Thank you Michelle!

The rules of this award are:

1. You must brag about the award.
2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3. You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog
5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.

So, without getting carried away, my 10 things are listed below. As for passing it on to another 7 deserving Bloggers, that will take me a day or so. I have some ideas but need to do some research.

1) I wish I drove a James Bond style car, complete with sidewinder missiles and full metal jacket machine gun rounds to take care of the ass wipes who think the signal mechanism on their car is optional and a dandy place to store rubber bands.

2) Sometimes I say what I'm thinking instead of thinking about what I'm saying. (I'm working on that.)

3) I do not hide my emotions well at all. (One friend describes my angry look as, "The Death Look". (That explains buddy in the grocery store.)

4) I loved being in love.

5) I miss being in love.

6) Tried to end it all when I was about 30 and have the scars to prove it.

7) Lost too many years feeling sorry for myself. (Too be fair to myself, I didn't know any better.)

8) I envy some of the younger people I know who figured things out early. (But it makes me happy to know they did.)

9) I have absolutely no problem turning my back on ANYBODY who F%#&S me over. This includes family. (Maybe some future stuff there)

10) I am extremely happy to have met some beautiful people here in Blog Land. You have allowed me an opportunity to share a part of me without being judgemental. And to those who have judged me, thank you for doing so quietly.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Free Head Smacks

Every once in awhile I have to stop and give myself a smack in the back of the head. Don't shake your head; first hear me out. You may want to give me a smack in the back of the head too! We had a holiday weekend here, Victoria Day. Which meant, as far as I was concerned, sleeping in. But that never happens. My body has grown accustomed to waking early and getting on with the day. But after my third day off in a row I woke up this morning and moaned to myself, "Why can't you just sleep in"? And, as you may or may not be aware, I want to paint the kitchen but groan about that too. Then there is laundry to do, vacuuming and all that other fun housework type of stuff. So, after getting the coffee on and creating a mental schedule as to how I want to tackle this stuff, I set to work.

First off, I organize the laundry into loads separating everything and blah, blah, blah. Pour a coffee, park my backside on the couch and start watching something or other. Just procrastinating really, knowing I should be hauling out the bucket and begin to wash walls etc. Laundry done, now I tell myself, "Self", I say, "Get cracking"! "It's not going to get done on it's own". So, I put the TV on mute and put some tunes on. Out comes the ladder, bucket, cleanser and towels and I finally get started. I start with the easy walls before moving to the cupboards. First I empty them of their contents and remove the doors and hardware and begin cleaning the inside of the cupboards. The tunes continue to play in the background but the lyrics of some of the songs, begin playing their own tune in my brain like a loud pair of clanging cymbals.

That is when I began to feel like a big wah baby. My brain goes back to the first thing this morning when I started the whine-a-thon. I moaned because I couldn't sleep in, instead of being grateful that I woke up to a new day. Then moaned about the laundry, instead of being grateful that I have clothes to wash and wear. Next up, taking the vacuum for a walk, cleaning the bathroom etc. etc. But was I thinking that I should be grateful that I have a place to live. Of course not. I was thinking that now I have to start working on the kitchen. Woe is me!

I don't exactly know which song was playing that made me want to smack myself, but almost every song afterwards intensified the effect. My brain was processing some of the contents of the blogs I follow. For instance, here we have Michelle, agonizing over the care and treatment of her mother who is suffering the indignities of chemotherapy. Waiting for responses from medical personnel to tell them whether the treatment is working or not. And then there is Audrey, who is also suffering from this horrid disease. But yet, has the strength and courage to share her journey thru hell so we can all have a better understanding of what it takes to survive.

The list can go on and on but forgive me if I don't. I think you get the idea and I truly do empathise with all of your situations. Here I am bemoaning my perfectly adequate life with it's minor bumps and bruises when others around me are battling to survive theirs. After awhile, I guess taking life for granted becomes the norm. It's not so much that I do have a life to cherish, but when I moan and groan because of a little sweat equity every now and then, then even I can only take so much of myself. So if you feel the need to want to slap me upside the head, the line forms in the rear; right behind me.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sunday Mush

Not much of a day today. Kind of a chill day I guess and in more ways than one. The sunshine and blue skies belied the chill in the air this morning. It felt more like late September or early October as opposed to Mid-May. That and the numerous flowering trees that were in full bloom everywhere. Woke up with a little bit of energy and plans to start prepping the kitchen for a new paint job. I don't mind any room but the kitchen is a royal pain in the backside. Freaking cupboards everywhere. Sheesh! But I knew it would be interrupted at some point. Had a breakfast rendezvous with a friend. Went to a restaurant called 'Cora's. I chose this restaurant out specifically for the name. The reason being, is that is my mothers name and today she would have turned 75. You see the 'Cora'elation. Oh well! I thought it was amusing.

While I was out I figured I may as well get some groceries seeing as how everything will be locked up tight tomorrow. Everything was going hunky dorey until I got in line to pay. I was emptying my basket when a father and son came up behind me in line. The boy, being a boy, was carrying on a little. No real harm. The father, a little short on patience I guess, snaps and yells at the boy, "Cut it out Doofus". Now, I'm not the most educated man in the world, but I don't recall the name "Doofus" listed anywhere under "Terms of Endearment". Believe me, my head spun so fast and my eyes locked onto this guy so hard I think he may have soiled himself a little. I figured he was so used to dishing out that kind of abuse, it was like second nature to him. He got quiet real quick. What got to me though, was how it seemed like second nature to the little boy too! Pretty sad. I just wonder what was going thru that guys head after the fact. Did he realize what kind of affect that would have on this little guys psyche. Probably not. He was probably just passing on an old family tradition.

Well, that was what was going on in my little part of the world today. Somebody, somewhere is blasting off fireworks practicing for tomorrow I guess. I should see what events are planned but that can wait. Whoa! Hold on a sec. I gotta go check on right back......

Yup! I was afraid of that. The kitchen is still there, taunting me! Oh well.


"Never take a person's dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to
you." Frank Barron
I believe, in this interesting public forum we have come to know as Blog Land or whatever tag we choose to call it, a certain amount of respect is deserving to those whom we follow and vice versa. After all, everybody who is putting there thoughts on the blank canvas in front of them, is doing so in various frames of mind. It is easier to post and share your life if it is filled with a generous amount of happiness. But to others, it is a place where they have come to purge or share the darkness of their lives and in doing so, they take great risks. From an outsiders perspective, as we all are when we are the reader, we feel a great sense of compassion and empathy for the writer. Many times their words may reflect how we are feeling but we did not have the know how, the willingness or the courage to convey them in quite the same way. Or maybe, the shame we are feeling is just too much to bare.

Sometimes, when I read some of these posts, it is almost like an open conversation between individuals and I feel like an intruder. So when I feel like that, I just respectfully back away. More often than not, some of the pain I am reading about is so traumatic, no words are possible. And I would feel it almost an intrusion to comment just to say I did. Maybe I'm wrong about that or maybe that is just the way I think. I'm accustomed to recognizing when people are going thru a period of change in their lives. In a sense, it's not Rocket Science. It would be ideal for most individuals to just write happy stuff all of the time. But that is not the real world. To those that can, that is fantastic. And to those who are going thru struggles, uncertainty, anxiety and pain; your words are just as important to us, the reader, as they are to you. For it is in your courage to write and share that we can look within and find our real selves.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Life Gets Away

I love words. Especially when they are wrapped in music. I've seen people bebopping down the street lost inside the ear buds that filter music thru their ears. But I've often wondered how many people dissect the lyrics and realize the power behind the words that were written. The poetry that came from the writers heart and soul. Back in my high school days, I had a great English teacher by the name of Mr. Haber. In order to get the class interested in the subject, he presented it to us in a way we could understand. And that was thru music. One of the songs we studied was David Bowie's, 'Space Oddity', looking for metaphors and trying to determine what the author was actually thinking about when the lyrics were written. If you don't know you would be surprised. Another reason I remember this teacher was because the poor bugger used to drive a British Racing Green TR6 which was stolen 3 times in the same school year. Poor guy!

Anyways, I'm drifting. I was going thru some papers and stuff tonight reading old things I had written. Wrote something new and read some beautiful if not haunting words by Michelle ; and realized the creativity that comes from pain, anguish, fear, uncertainty and a host of other feelings we mistakenly keep locked inside of us. Something else I realized is how many of those tunes that we listen to are often misunderstood because we get caught up in the beat or the chorus. But if your write down the words and read them in black and white, they take on a whole new meaning. Below is one of the songs that I was listening to earlier on my little walkabout. What do you feel when you only see the words and not hear the music? Would you feel the same way if you were listening to the song without seeing the worlds?

Life Gets Away

We're tied to our memories
They won't let us stray
We're not going to lose ones
We made yesterday
We look to our future
And we make all our plans
As if we control what is out of our hands

The world keeps on turning
I'm learning to see
Right where I am is where I have to be
You can't count the pages
All ages hear the call
No matter how hard we try
Life gets away from us all

We start getting older
The moment we live
Look over your shoulder
There's hindsight to give
Come good days and bad days
The sun's gonna rise
So why look beyond what' s
In front of our eyes

No matter how hard we try
Life gets away from us all

(written by Clint Black, Hayden Nicholas and Tom Schuyler)

Friday, May 15, 2009

Holding My Wishes

I walk along the darkened streets
Music filtering through my ears
Feeling such an inner peace
I haven't known in years

Reflecting on life's lessons learned
It all seems to be going so fast
As I learn to cope with my endless fears
And silence the ghosts from my past

The cool night air caresses me
And the darkness surrounds my space
The stars above hold my wishes
While my dreams are rooted in place

There is something strange and wonderful
Kindling deep within my soul
While my thoughts drift off to the future
With visions of a new found goal

My heart and mind are comforted
because I know someone out there cares
So I can focus on all of my tomorrows
While tending to my daily affairs

By Bogey

And Introducing....

I just want to take this opportunity to introduce you to a recent acquisition. This little guy is a quite a ham who loves attention. Shy at first, he has recently come out of his shell and is coming into full voice. Although he spends a fair amount of time alone, he isn't shy of letting me know he is there when I get home. He goes ballistic when he hears the neighbourhood birdies singing in the trees. Then runs around the bottom of the cage trying to find them. Anyways, without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Mr. Bartholomew Beaks. Mr. Beaks come and meet the nice folks. (Enters stage right chirping wildly.)

Of course, if I'm wrong about the sex, then her name is Mrs. Beatrice Beaks with my full apologies.