Sunday, April 5, 2009

Do you have a minute?

Have you ever had moments in your life when all you wanted to do was to talk. What I mean to say is, to share. Not just the good things but also the painful. To get them out of your heart and your head and to lay yourself bare so that possibly, you can start to put things in perspective and begin to heal. But, how often have you found yourself talking to a friend who doesn't give you the opportunity to finish a thought without interjecting with their own experiences. Frustrating your efforts, and causing you to go silent and then abandoning your own needs.

Recently, I have had such an experience and looking back on it, realized that I wasn't forceful enough in my efforts to get out what I needed to. In the end, it cost me a lot. And, all it did was prolong my efforts to cleanse my cluttered brain.

Remembering being on the listening end many times, I would often sit in silence and just listen. I would listen until I felt they had purged enough misery before offering whatever insight I could. Often times, I would be able to point out something they overlooked and give them something to reevaluate. Or even remind them that some of their anger and pain was being pointed in the wrong direction. But still, I gave them their moment. An important moment.

It's difficult, at best, for some of us to deal with painful episodes in our lives. The happy times we share willingly. Almost without reservation. You may have heard the old line, "I was going to ask you how you were but I was afraid you would tell me." But how hard is it for us to listen. I mean really listen. To just shut up and let the speaker speak. To purge, to vent heal! It's amazing to me that as soon as I can get out what is ailing me that it somehow becomes manageable. The pain.......tolerable.

Is something or someone preventing you from asking, "Excuse me, do you have a minute? I need to talk".


Michelle said...

Hi Bogey. This is a great topic. I've been there with the frustration of being cut short by someone who isn't really listening. Good listeners are hard to find!

I had a friend years ago who would always phone me when her life was a mess and then talk for hours. She'd always say how I made her feel better. One day, when I was feeling really down due to some unhappy events, I tried to talk to her. She became stiff, said she was "busy"... she never phoned me again. I felt both annoyed and hurt. I thought friendship went both ways, but obviously she was onl interested in me being a listener, not someone who might also want to talk themselves.

I gather your blog is new? Would you like me to pass your blog link on to friends?

Bogey said...

First, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Much appreciated.

I guess some friends are fickle about such things. They may not realize how selfish and hurtful they are being when they only focus on their own wants and needs. I have become more observant and notice when somebody is tuning out. No sense in wasting a good whine.

And yes, I have only just begun the blog and would appreciate anybody who happens to stop by. By all means pass the link along. Hopefully in the days and weeks to come I can begin to write something worthwhile. Thanks again.

Tint~ said...

It think it is why I like blogging. You pretty much have a captive audience :) People tend to think more about their responses too. On the other hand, I have no one I can call to unload to anyway, so blogging is it for me. Personally, I prefer listening to talking, being convinced everyone else's lives and problems are far more interesting than mine.

Great blog! I hope you keep the blogging up.

Amel's Realm said...

It is truly hard to be a REALLY good listener. In times, even when I don't speak out my thoughts during the "listening" part, I find myself thinking of what to say or anything that connects me to the topic or even how I should respond to it.

However, I also find that sometimes the happy times I don't share willingly, esp. if those things (or people) that I have are those that I know that other person TRULY wants from life but hasn't achieved yet. So sometimes I'm in a dilemma to share my happy times, as well, because it might make that other person think, "When will I get my chance?"

Btw, dropping by via Crow's Feet invitation he he...:-D Keep on blogging!

One thing I LOVE about blogging is that you can share anything you want without being cut off. :-D

Bogey said...

Hi Tint; thanks for stopping by. You have a very valid point about expressing yourself on your blog. Not only do you have a captive audience, but if they do decide to comment, they tend do so conscientously. A bonus in the Blog world is that you can get varied advice worldwide.

Hi Amel; sometimes listening is enough though. Maybe not everybody is looking for feedback. And as for sharing the good things in your life, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes people will be thinking, "Hey, I want that too! If they can do it why can't I?" To me, it doesn't matter how you got here, the point is you did. :)Cheers!

Lover of Life said...

This post had a very valid point. I know that there are times I could be a better listener. This is a good reminder. Thanks.

As for blogging, I have found that it takes a little practice, but it is an amazing outlet for things you have inside you. Just write from your heart and you will be amazed at the little community that will form.

Thanks for stopping by my blog, too!

Bogey said...

Hi Lol, I guess it takes discipline to listen sometimes. Let's face it, we don't always have the capacity to do so.

As for the writing, I guess a good point I've read was if you have nothing to say don't waste the readers time by posting just anything. I will try and be aware of that.

Thanks for your visit. It is appreciated.